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How to Deal With a Partner Who Has Wandering Eyes

Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20+ years. She's the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. 

Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments.

man has a wandering eye

Signs of a Wandering Eye

Differing viewpoints.

  • Impact of Social Media
  • Have You Crossed a Line?

How to Respond

When a person has a 'wandering eye,' it means looking and having sexual thoughts about people other than their current romantic partner. It may include behaviors such as overtly evaluating and appreciating someone's physical attractiveness or even outright flirting with people who are not their romantic partners.

When the issue of a partner's eyes wandering is discussed, there seem to be two general responses: Either the behavior is brushed off as nothing to be concerned about or feelings of hurt and disrespect ensue, which may harm the relationship .

Some even believe checking out people other than a committed partner is a sure sign of infidelity, or at least a form of micro-cheating . The true answer to whether or not this is OK lies with you, your needs, and your personal boundaries .

It is important to recognize that each person has differing definitions depending on their beliefs and boundaries. Some examples of behaviors that characterize a wandering eye include:

  • Blatantly checking out another person
  • Flirting with other people
  • Having sexual fantasies about others
  • Talking about sexual fantasies about other people
  • Telling other people they are attractive
  • Planning romantic or sexual encounters with people other than their partner
  • Texting or DMing people other than their partner

The behaviors that characterize a wandering eye involve how a person thinks about or communicates with people other than their partner. If these thoughts or actions lead to romantic or sexual encounters, it would be defined as cheating .

According to  Gail Saltz, M.D ., a psychiatrist and expert on relationship matters, blatantly checking out, commenting on, repeatedly admiring, and flirting or touching someone else usually feels quite undermining to a partner.

For partners that are bothered by the behavior, having wandering eyes is often described as:

  • A sign of disrespect
  • Damaging to a relationship
  • Insensitive behavior that shows a lack of caring
  • One of the first signs of cheating and that a person is looking for another relationship

Dr. Saltz acknowledges that all humans have some measure of voyeurism and exhibitionism: we like to look and we like to show.

But unless both parties are confident of the others' affection and fidelity, an obvious and frequent wandering eye will generally stir up envy and hurt, making one feel unappreciated and even threatened in the relationship.

On the other hand, some people believe that having a wandering eye is perfectly normal behavior. People in this camp often don't worry about a quick glance, and some may not even be bothered by something more.

Those who feel this way often cite the following points:

  • Looking at an attractive person is thought to be a natural physiological reaction.
  • A person with wandering eyes just appreciates beauty.

Again, it's important to remember that you define what is normal and acceptable for yourself and your relationship. That said, a study published in the  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that a consistent wandering eye probably signals a more significant issue in a relationship, which is worth considering.

Some evidence suggests that people prone to having a wandering eye are also more likely to engage in infidelity. One study found that people who found attractive people more attention-grabbing were more likely to eventually cheat on their partners.

Impact of Social Media and Technology

People don't just engage in 'wandering' behaviors in real-world encounters. They can also make their way into online interactions. In such settings, 'wandering' might involve:

  • Flirting with another person, either in the comments section on their social media post or via direct message
  • "Liking" another person's photos to communicate interest
  • Flirtatious, romantic, or sexual texting with people who are not the person's partner
  • Intentionally joining social sites in order to engage in flirtatious communication with others

Such behaviors can affect trust, communication, and intimacy in a relationship. According to one survey, around a quarter of people in relationships feel that technology has had a negative impact on their relationships.

Have You or Your Partner Crossed the Line

It isn't always easy to determine if you or your partner have crossed a boundary in your relationship. This is because it is normal to think that other people are attractive and doing so doesn't necessarily mean that you've broken trust with your partner.

In order to recognize whether you or your partner have a wandering eye, consider the following:

  • How would your partner feel if they knew about your behaviors?
  • How would it make you feel if your partner was doing the same thing?
  • Have you ever discussed boundaries with your partner?
  • Does your current behavior violate your partner's trust?
  • Are you hiding your behavior from your partner?

If you feel like your partner would be hurt or upset and need to hide your actions from them, it is a good sign that your actions are crossing the line. 

If you are bothered by your partner's eyes wandering, Dr. Saltz suggests that you make it clear that although you don't expect them to wear blinders, you don't want them to ogle someone else.

If your partner really won't make any effort to change and doesn't appear to care how it makes you feel, it's likely that other issues may be affecting your relationship that couple's therapy could help examine.

Indeed, it seems that research agrees with this advice. The aforementioned study goes on to say that nagging your partner to stop looking likely won't address any underlying problems, either. Your relationship will require communication and a strategy to boost satisfaction and commitment.

Leading with jealousy and sweeping requests for your partner to change his or her behavior may lead them to tune you out. Instead, Dr. Saltz suggests the following:

  • Accept that your partner's wandering eye is not a reflection of your own attractiveness.
  • Don't try to "police" your partner's wandering eyes.
  • If your partner's wandering eye creates a problem in your relationship, discuss the issue with them. Start with your own feelings, not with an accusation or criticism. 
  • Suggest couple's therapy or attend therapy on your own if your requests are continually ignored.
  • Try to casually acknowledge it first when a beautiful person comes into view.

A Word From Verywell

A wandering eye could very well be a natural, simple acknowledgment of attractive people—nothing more. Of course, that may not be the case all the time. Regardless, your feelings should be valid to your partner. If it bothers you and you have calmly expressed as such to your partner, he or she should be receptive to your concerns.

DeWall, CN, Maner, JK, Deckman, T, Rouby, DA. Forbidden fruit: inattention to attractive alternatives provokes implicit relationship reactance . J Pers Soc Psychol . 2011;100(4), 621–629. doi:10.1037/a0021749

McNulty JK, Meltzer AL, Makhanova A, Maner JK. Attentional and evaluative biases help people maintain relationships by avoiding infidelity .  J Pers Soc Psychol . 2018;115(1):76-95. doi:10.1037/pspi0000127

Pew Research Center. Couples, the internet, and social media .

American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. About marriage and family therapists .

Dewall CN, Maner JK, Deckman T, Rouby DA. Forbidden fruit: Inattention to attractive alternatives provokes implicit relationship reactance .  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology . 2011;100(4):621-629. doi:10.1037/a0021749

By Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20+ years. She's the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. 

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How to Deal With a Partner Who Has Wandering Eyes

Jenni Jacobsen

Jenni Jacobsen is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she is in the process of completing her dissertation... Read more

Couple Meeting First Time On The Street Looking Each Other And Smiling Together

In This Article

Dealing with a partner who has a wandering eye can be difficult. You may worry that they are not that interested in you or that they may leave the relationship for someone else.

There are ways to cope with men with roaming eyes, so you can determine if the relationship can be saved. It can also be helpful to understand this is a problem and when it is not.

Each situation is different, but in many cases, it may just be a natural reaction to beauty, and you and your partner should be able to understand the situation.

What does it mean to have a wandering eye?

Before you determine whether your partner’s roaming eye may be a problem, it is helpful to understand what is a wandering eye.

The number one indicator that someone has a roaming eye is that they can be seen checking out other people. Essentially, they will notice other attractive people and look their way.

Roaming eyes do not always have to occur in person. As such, people may also follow attractive people on social media.

Whether it occurs in person or on the Internet, a simple way to explain the wandering eye meaning is that it involves your partner noticing people who are physically attractive .

What causes a wandering eye in a relationship?

If you are dealing with such a person, you may be asking yourself what causes this behavior.

Having a wandering eye is simply a natural reaction to seeing attractive people. When it is only a quick glance in the direction of a particularly attractive person, a roaming eye can just signify a normal appreciation of beauty.

Psychologists have even spent time researching the underlying causes, and they have concluded that when something catches our attention as humans, we unintentionally look in its direction.

Simply put, we are easily distracted, and looking at an attractive person is a natural reaction to something distracting in the environment.

That being said, it is not always a problem. It can simply be your partner’s gut reaction to beauty and nothing more.

On the other hand, if your partner is openly ogling other people or going so far as to comment on their appearance or flirt with them, this case may be a red flag that signals deeper issues.

Signs your partner has a wandering eye

Now that you know what it means and what causes it, it can be helpful to know the signs of a roaming eye. Three signs to look for in your relationship include:

  • On more than one occasion, you have caught your partner looking up and down at an attractive person in public.
  • Your partner follows attractive people on social media, such as fitness models or women who pose in bikinis or skimpy clothing.
  • Your partner may glance at a woman walking by but then return his attention to you.

Some of the above signs are a natural reaction to seeing someone attractive and may not signal a problem.

Some more obvious and hurtful signs your partner has a wandering eye are as follows:

  • Your partner openly admires other people when with you and appears to look at them longingly.
  • Your partner approaches attractive people and flirts with them in your presence.
  • Your significant other appears to gaze intently at other people and makes comments about their appearance, such as how nice their bodies are.

Does having a wandering eye mean your partner is cheating?

Roaming eyes can be a source of concern in some relationships, and whether it signals cheating depends on the situation. As previously stated, it is often a natural reaction for people to glance in the direction of an attractive person.

You may even find that you tend to look in the direction of members of the same sex who happen to be beautiful. You are simply noticing and appreciating beauty, which is human nature.

When it is a quick glance and nothing more, it is probably nothing to worry about and likely does not mean your significant other is cheating. We cannot expect our partners to wear blinders and avoid acknowledging other people.

If your partner notices people of the opposite sex but quickly turns attention back to you, this behavior is usually totally acceptable.

On the other hand, there are cases where it can be indicative of a larger problem. In fact, people who view others as attractive are more likely to stray in their relationships. That being said, having a wandering eye is not the only indication that someone is at risk of cheating .

Other factors, including being dissatisfied with the relationship, are linked to cheating. Furthermore, the link between cheating and a roaming eye is seen among people who have difficulty looking away from attractive people.

What all of this means is that quick glances that occur in reaction to an attractive person do not typically mean your partner is cheating.

On the other hand, when a roaming eye becomes excessive, and it seems like your partner cannot help himself but continue to gawk, something more may be going on here, especially if he openly flirts with or talks about how hot other people are.

5 signs your partner’s wandering eye may be cheating

If you are worried your partner’s problem may mean that he is cheating, there are some telltale signs to be aware of that might confirm your suspicions. Here are five to consider:

1. Their habits with technology have changed

If your partner is suddenly hooked on the phone and seems to be scrolling through Facebook and responding to texts and emails at all hours, the roaming eye may have turned into cheating, and he is using the phone to connect with a person who caught his eye more than once.

2. Your partner is suddenly highly critical of you

If your partner seems to find something wrong with everything you do , it may be that the honeymoon stage of the relationship has passed, and they are too immature to handle your quirks.

Instead of working through this with you, they may have turned to someone else.

3. There has been a change in your sexual relationship

If a roaming eye has led your partner astray, you may find that your sexual relationship changes . In some cases, your partner may stop having sex with you because he feels guilty.

On the other hand, adding new habits to the bedroom could mean he has learned new tricks outside of the relationship.

While there can be other reasons for changes to your sex life, when these changes are sudden and are paired with a roaming eye and other signs of cheating, it can be cause for suspicion.

4. Emotional intimacy has shut down as well

Physical intimacy is not the only form of closeness needed in a successful relationship.

If you find that you and your partner are no longer communicating or connecting, or they seem to be distant and unwilling to have personal conversations or discussions about the future with you, the issue may have turned into an affair.

5. Your partner is changing their style or way of dressing

When your significant other has a roaming eye and has suddenly started dressing up or trying out a new style, they may have found a new mate who has caught their attention. Dramatic shifts in style can be a sign that they are trying to impress someone else.

If the situation has been excessive and they are displaying one or more of the above signs, it may be time to consider the possibility of cheating.

How to deal with a partner who has wandering eyes

Men with wandering eyes can be frustrating, but the answer to how to fix a wandering eye depends upon the situation. If it is harmless, you may not necessarily need to stop the situation but rather change the way you look at it.

For example, if your significant other occasionally glances in the direction of an attractive person but returns his attention to you and shows no signs of cheating, this may be an innocent, natural response.

Here are the ways for dealing with someone with a wandering eye when the situation is harmless:

1. Accept it for what it is

Recognize that acknowledging someone else as being attractive is normal and does not mean your partner doesn’t love or respect you . If it’s just a quick glance, it is part of human nature.

2. Have some confidence about it

Your gut reaction may be to feel that your partner does not find you attractive if they have the issue, but remember that they have chosen to be with you, out of all the beautiful people in the world.

While his natural reaction may be to glance in the direction of an attractive woman, they still choose to stay with you. Showing confidence in this fact will make you appear even more attractive to him.

3. Take time to recognize your own good qualities

We all want to be loved and desired by our partners, so when we catch them looking at someone else, it may make us feel less than. Try not to think this way, and instead, remember your own good qualities. It takes more than just physical attractiveness to have a successful relationship.

You and your partner have a connection that runs ways deeper than a momentary glance. You have built a life together and have interests in common, and your partner probably values your personality and the spiritual connection the two of you have.

Given all of this, a quick glance in someone else’s direction typically does not undermine all that your partner values about you.

In the video below, Andrea Crump talks about how the roaming eyes of a person can cause insecurities in their partner. She provides tips to handle it. Take a look:

4. Confront your partner

If you have considered the above, and your partner’s issue still makes you uncomfortable, it may be time to have a conversation.

For example, if your partner spends so much time checking out others when you two are together that you feel you do not have his attention, it may be time to have an honest conversation about the fact that it bothers you. Be careful not to be too harsh or critical.

You may start the conversation by saying, “You may not even notice that you are doing this, but when we are together, you sometimes spend so much time staring at other girls that I feel like you do not even notice me.”

5. Play along

Another way to fix a wandering eye is to play along with your partner.

For instance, if you see him looking another woman up and down, you may comment, “She has a great smile, doesn’t she?”

Maybe your partner didn’t even realize he was spending so much time noticeably admiring others, and this method will draw his attention to it so that he is more mindful of it in the future.

If your partner’s issue is making you uncomfortable and they continue to make no effort to change their behavior, there may be something more going on, especially if there are other red flags, such as emotional distance between the two of you.

It may be time to have a heartfelt conversation about the status of the relationship.

Perhaps your partner isn’t getting what they need from you, and instead of doing the right thing and addressing it, they are wondering what it might be like to be with someone else. In this case, it has become a bigger problem.

If you find that you have to nag your partner to stop staring at others, it may be time to seek professional intervention, such as couple’s therapy, to determine if there are underlying issues that can be resolved.

3 tips for how to fix a wandering eye

If it has become a big enough problem that it requires fixing to keep you happy in the relationship, there are some tips that can make the process easier for you. When having a conversation about your partner’s problem, consider the following advice:

1. Avoid making dramatic requests

You cannot expect your partner to never look at other people, and making huge requests, such as telling him he cannot be around other women, is likely to result in him tuning you out.

Instead, you might calmly state that you would prefer he not spend time openly ogling other people when you are together.

2. State your own feelings without being harsh or critical

Remember that sometimes, it is just a natural, innocent reaction to beauty. Instead of criticizing your partner by calling names or suggesting that they have selfish or malicious motives, use “I” statements and focus on how you feel.

3. Acknowledge that you know the behavior can be totally normal

Your partner’s defenses will be heightened if you have unreasonable expectations, so it can be helpful to begin the conversation by acknowledging that you know it is only natural for beautiful women to catch their attention.

This shows him that you are not asking him to go against his nature but rather to be more mindful of his behavior to not come across as disrespectful to you.

In a healthy, secure relationship, you should be able to have a heartfelt conversation about your partner’s problem if it has become a problem for you.

If the conversation doesn’t go well, it may be time to dive deeper into your relationship issues through additional conversation or professional intervention .

How to deal with such a partner can certainly depend upon the situation. We are all drawn to attractive people, and in many cases, it can just be human nature. When we see someone beautiful, we are inclined to look in their direction. Chances are, you may even have an innocent wandering eye yourself from time-to-time.

When your partner glances at others in public or on social media, it is probably nothing to worry about. The world is full of attractive people, and someone else’s beauty does not take away from your own.

If your partner remains committed to you, meets your needs, and seems happy with you, you can be confident in the fact that he has chosen you among all the beautiful people in the world.

Remember, it is a momentary acknowledgment of someone else’s attractiveness in many cases, but your partner spends many more moments with you.

On the other hand, if it becomes a problem, you may notice that your partner is openly ogling other women, commenting on their beauty, or even flirting while in a relationship.

If this is the case, an honest conversation about your feelings may resolve the issue. Perhaps your partner was unaware of the behavior or its effect on you. If it continues to be a problem, it could be signs of relationship trouble, especially if other red flags are involved.

You have every right to discuss this with your partner or to request couples counseling if you have ongoing troubles in your relationship.

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Jenni Jacobsen, Licensed Clinical Social Worker Ashland, OH

Jenni Jacobsen is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she is in the process of completing her dissertation for a Doctorate of Philosophy in Psychology. She has worked in the social work field for 8 years and is currently a professor at Mount Read more Vernon Nazarene University. She writes website content about mental health, addiction, and fitness. Licensed as both a social worker through Ohio Board of Counselors, Social Workers, and Marriage/Family Therapists and school social worker through Ohio Department of Education as well as a personal trainer through American Council on Exercise. Read less

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20 Tips To Dealing With Your Partner’s Wandering Eyes

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boyfriend looking at another woman on the street

It doesn’t feel good when your partner looks at other attractive people right in front of you.

This is what having a wandering eye basically means, but is it acceptable in a relationship? Could it even be considered cheating?

First of all, you are allowed to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling. You’re not crazy to want your partner to only have eyes for you.

That being said, wandering eyes sometimes simply represent the natural acknowledgment of beauty. Noticing that another person is attractive doesn’t necessarily mean that you intend to cheat on your partner with that or any other person.

So why does it feel like cheating then?

Is it cheating if your partner checks out other people while they’re with you? Well, much like flirting, it depends on what exactly happens and the intention behind it.

When your partner gazes at an attractive person for a second and then quickly looks away, it can be even flattering. They have noticed that the other person is attractive, but they don’t want you to think that they would be into them, so they avoid staring at them.

On the other hand, when your partner consciously checks out another person from head to toe and keeps gazing at them in front of you, knowing that it bothers you, they might not be cheating, but there’s something very wrong.

Does it bother you, and do they care? This question is much more important than whether or not wandering eyes can be considered cheating. While wandering eyes are definitely not a sign that your partner is being unfaithful—at least not without other signs to indicate the same—it’s definitely disrespectful if they know that it bothers you.

In other words, they might not be technically crossing the line, but if they are breaking your personal boundary, it’s just as important to address it. Here’s how:

Speak to a certified relationship counselor about this issue. Why? Because they have the training and experience to help you approach your partner’s wandering eyes in the most appropriate way. You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for practical advice that is tailored to your exact circumstances.

1. Don’t let it harm your self-esteem.

Your partner’s eyes would probably wander even if they were in a relationship with a supermodel. So, don’t think that this has anything to do with how attractive you are, to them or to anyone else. Try not to let it harm your self-esteem.

Even if your partner simply notices that some people are especially attractive, the problem is that, by doing that in front of you, they force you to notice these people too. So, you compare yourself to them, and it’s perfectly normal to feel self-conscious and jealous when that happens. Your self-esteem could take a big hit because of all this, so remind yourself of all your positive qualities.

Your partner is looking at these people, but they are choosing to be with you. Obviously, they are attracted to you, otherwise they wouldn’t be with you. So, don’t assume that you’re less attractive than the people they look at.

If your partner’s behavior is still harming your self-esteem, you’ll need to let them know about it. And they should respect you enough to restrain themselves from staring at other people in your presence.

It’s not the same thing when someone catches your partner’s eye for a second and when their eyes linger. They can’t prevent the first one, but they can control the second one. So, if it’s harming your self-esteem, they should care enough to try to control themselves.

2. Consider whether it could be entirely innocent.

While you do have the right to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling, consider whether you’re being rational or if you’re letting your insecurities get the best of you. A single look could hold a lot of meaning, but it also doesn’t have to mean anything.

How does your partner look at these people? They might simply be noticing that others are attractive without even imagining being with them. Would you notice if someone of your preferred gender suddenly walked in looking like a movie star? There’s nothing wrong with that.

However, if you were with your partner at the moment, you would probably try to hide the fact that you might be attracted to someone else. You wouldn’t make it obvious or even flirt with this person. If your partner simply notices beautiful people, there’s no need to panic because it’s completely innocent.

Even flirting can be innocent. However, when they are openly doing these things in front of you, it might mean that they don’t respect you or aren’t afraid of losing you. That might be innocent in terms of cheating, but it’s definitely not innocent in terms of relationship problems.

3. Consider how long it lasts.

Does your partner look away quickly, or do their eyes linger? Do they look at the person long enough that they’re more than just appreciating their beauty? Are they noticing attractive people when they show up or searching for them across the room?

Does it end with gazing for a while, or do they approach the person and even flirt with them? Do they look once, or do they keep looking at the person every now and then as if they’re trying to make eye contact or are thinking about approaching them?

Considering how long it lasts also means that you should think about whether your partner has always been doing this. Or has it started only recently? Maybe they only had eyes for you before, but lately you’ve been having relationship problems, and their eyes have started searching for a new potential partner.

On the other hand, maybe they always had wandering eyes because they see nothing wrong with what they’re doing. As you can see, a lot depends on your exact circumstances, so try to think about everything and be as objective as possible.

4. Think about your definition of cheating.

Everyone is allowed to have their own definition of what is and isn’t cheating, but, in a relationship, you should agree on the same definition. This doesn’t always happen, and it can be difficult to draw the line.

For instance, flirting might be entirely innocent and even subconscious with no intention of letting it lead to anything more. On the other hand, your partner might flirt with someone with the intention to cheat. Even hugging, which is generally not even close to cheating, can be considered as betraying your partner if it’s a long, romantic hug.

The point is, while some things aren’t generally considered cheating, there are situations when they can be a sign of infidelity. At the very least, you can object to your partner doing them. So, consider your definition of cheating.

If you feel like your partner is betraying you by having wandering eyes, that’s okay, you have a right to feel that way. You are the one who decides what’s acceptable and what’s unacceptable in your relationship, but your partner has to understand it too.

5. Look for signs of infidelity.

Wandering eyes aren’t indicative of cheating unless there are more signs. So, if you are worried that your partner is being unfaithful or is thinking about cheating, look for signs of infidelity.

Do they hide their phone from you? Are they secretive about where they’ve been and who they’ve been with? Have you caught them lying to you about where they’ve been and who they’ve been with? Are they already having an emotional affair that you know about? Do they look at any attractive people or someone in particular? Answering these questions will help you find out whether they’re cheating on you or not.

If your partner doesn’t show any signs of infidelity other than wandering eyes, don’t exaggerate the problem. It might still be an issue and/or indicate other problems, but don’t worry about your partner being unfaithful if they have given you no other reason to doubt them.

On the other hand, if they are cheating on you, or thinking about it, you should be able to tell by more than just their wandering eyes.

6. Consider how you see it.

From your partner’s point of view, it’s possible that nothing really happened. They talked to you, they noticed a beautiful person walk by, they talked to you again, and then they went on with their life and forgot all about the beautiful person. They still remember you though, so, what’s the big deal?

It’s always best to consider things from different perspectives. What happened from your point of view? Your partner disrespected you by openly checking out another person of their preferred gender and made you feel bad about yourself. Is that what happened? You are free to have your version!

If you are not sure that you have the right to your version of what happened, consider how it would look from the outside. What would some stranger who was watching you think? They’d notice that you’re a couple and that your partner notices other attractive people. Perhaps they’d assume that your partner’s not entirely committed and loyal to you, or perhaps they wouldn’t think anything of it. How you see it matters.

7. Consider how often it happens.

Can you live with your partner’s wandering eyes? How often do they look at other people? Does it happen every time someone wears something revealing or do they only notice extremely beautiful people? Do they constantly check out other people, or do they only occasionally notice someone attractive? Considering how often it happens could help you decide whether you can live with it if it doesn’t stop.

Be aware that, occasionally, everyone notices other attractive people even if they’re in a happy, committed relationship. It’s human. However, most people will try to restrain themselves from doing this in front of their partner not to hurt them.

If your partner occasionally slips up and checks out someone, that might not be such a big issue. However, if you’ve told them how it makes you feel and they often do it regardless of that, they are not treating you properly.

8. Check if others have noticed it too.

Have other people also noticed that your partner has wandering eyes? Talk to your friends and ask them about it. It’s important that you see all of this objectively. For that, you’ll need other people’s input too. Feel free to also ask for their opinion on that. Try to use their insights to see things as objectively as possible.

Different people will see this issue differently and they would all agree that it comes down to whether you find it acceptable or not. Either is fine, but it’s important that you are okay.

Others might also help you determine whether your partner is cheating on you or not. They can help you realize if you’re exaggerating things. Maybe you are insecure, and you noticed your partner looking at someone else once or twice. You got it in your head that they’re unfaithful while they might not have given it any thought at all. That too is possible, so talk to your loved ones and let them help you figure out which one it is.

9. Decide on where the line is for you.

Setting boundaries is important in a healthy relationship. Have you told your partner that it bothers you when they look at other people? Maybe you know that it’s probably nothing to worry about, so you don’t want to bring it up. However, if it eats you up inside and you’re upset over it, don’t keep it in. What does commitment and being loyal mean to you?

If you are crazy about your partner and only have eyes for them, it’s natural to be bothered when they check out other people in your presence.  

The two of you need to agree on your definition of fidelity. Maybe your partner doesn’t consider it cheating if they think about being with someone else as long as they don’t do anything about it. Or, they think flirting is fine as long as you don’t sleep with the person.

Maybe they only consider sex as cheating, while kissing doesn’t matter that much. Anything is possible, so you need to talk to your partner about your definitions of fidelity and cheating if you haven’t done that already.

10. Tell them how it makes you feel without forbidding them anything.

Does this behavior bother you? Is your partner aware of it? This is the most important question. Don’t assume that they know if you haven’t told them. Don’t nag them about it or forbid them from doing it. Don’t accuse or criticize them. Simply talk about how it makes you feel.

Talk about your point of view and your feelings. Let them know that you understand that it’s natural to notice beautiful people but that it makes you feel ugly when they do it in front of you. There doesn’t have to be anything wrong with what they’re doing for it to hurt you and for them to avoid it because it upsets you.

At the very least, once you’ve had this conversation, you’ll know that they’re aware that it bothers you. Will they understand your point of view though? Will they care?

11. See if they understand your point of view and care about it.

Your partner might accuse you of being jealous and overreacting. They might not acknowledge the issue at all. They may not see anything wrong with what they’re doing.

In the end, they might not care about your point of view and your feelings. If this is the case, you have a bigger problem than their wandering eyes. They should at least hear you out and try to understand your point of view.

If you can’t communicate well with your partner, this will keep causing you problems or make problems harder to resolve.

It’s really not that difficult to understand your point of view, especially if you don’t really notice other attractive people yourself. While your partner’s behavior might be entirely innocent, they should be able to understand how it can seem disrespectful at the very least.

12. Find out whether they know it’s wrong.

Do they see something wrong with having wandering eyes? Maybe they’ve always been like this, and it’s a part of how they were raised. If this is the case, it might make sense why they can’t understand your point of view.

Maybe they consider this as normal behavior, and they might really think that you’re just overly jealous. Are they otherwise loyal and respectful? If so, you might have to learn to live with wandering eyes.

Consider your entire relationship before freaking out about your partner looking at someone else. If they otherwise treat you well, show you love and respect, and make you happy, and you know that they’re not cheating on you, maybe you can find a way to accept that looking at others is not such a big deal.

Maybe you could let it slide. In fact, maybe there really isn’t anything wrong with what they’re doing. On the other hand, if they are unfaithful or disrespectful, wandering eyes are just a small issue that indicates that.

13. See whether they’ll try to restrain themselves from doing it.

When your partner knows that something bothers you, they should try to restrain themselves from doing it, even if they don’t understand your point of view. So, see whether your partner will act differently after you’ve told them about how it makes you feel.

Maybe they’ll still notice a beautiful person, but now they’ll quickly look away when they do instead of checking the person out from head to toe. It’s not perfect, but it’s definitely something. It shows that your partner is trying to be considerate of your feelings and doesn’t want to hurt you. That’s a great sign!

If your partner doesn’t change their behavior and just keeps openly checking out other people in front of you, try talking to them again. Maybe they don’t understand that it’s hurting you or that there’s something wrong with it. It’s either that or there are other problems in your relationship. Your partner might not respect you, or they’re taking you for granted.

14. Consider whether there are underlying issues in your relationship.

Are there other problems in your relationship other than or related to wandering eyes? Maybe there’s something else that requires your focus much more than wandering eyes, especially if your partner only recently started looking at other attractive people. If the two of you have been unhappy in the relationship, your partner may be looking for a way out of it, even if unconsciously.

Don’t sweep your problems under the rug. Talk about them, and if you’re having trouble communicating efficiently, get the help of a therapist. If your partner is disrespectful toward you in general, that’s also something that you can work on during couples counseling.

15. Consider whether your partner respects you.

By now, you already know that your partner’s behavior can be interpreted as a sign of disrespect. So, is your partner otherwise respectful? Do they value your opinions and want to hear your thoughts? Do they turn to you for advice? Do they treat you properly? Do they respect your choices and boundaries?

Or, does your partner put you down and make you feel bad about yourself?

If your partner doesn’t respect you, it will be difficult to have a healthy relationship. Maybe they love you, but they also need to be respectful, and if they can’t do that, their love probably isn’t going to be enough to make things work between you.

Set healthy boundaries and demand respect from your partner. Speak up when they try to put you down or disrespect your boundaries.

16. Consider whether your partner takes you for granted.

Maybe your partner’s behavior isn’t disrespectful, but they act that way because they assume you’d never leave them no matter what they do.

It’s possible that your partner takes you for granted and thinks that they can do whatever they want because you’ll still love them. If you haven’t set boundaries from the beginning of the relationship, it might have been this way from the very start.

Does your partner think that they could never lose you? If so, you might want to remind them that it is definitely possible if they treat you badly. Make them realize that you are going to walk away if they push your boundaries.

Don’t let things slide all the time, learn to say “no,” stick to your boundaries, and don’t tolerate disrespect. Make them take you seriously.

17. Start acknowledging beautiful people.

You could start acknowledging beautiful people before they do. Mention that a person looks hot before they get the chance to notice them. Look at attractive people of your preferred gender just like they do. If there’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing, you’re allowed to do it too.

This may help you understand them better. Who knows, maybe you’d be fine with commenting on people together and checking out attractive people as they pass by. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. See what works best for you.

Try doing the same as your partner, and even beat them to it. If there’s nothing wrong with it, it won’t feel awkward when you join them. If they do feel awkward about it, it might make them stop doing it. But, hey, maybe you’d be fine with the whole thing!

18. Consider whether you could be okay with it.

Could you just accept that your partner has wandering eyes? If they’re otherwise loving, respectful, and loyal, that might not be such a big deal.

Even if they’re not, you might not care so much about them looking at other people, you just don’t want them to cheat on you. Are there any other signs of infidelity? If not, they’re not cheating on you, so let them look.

Does it still make you feel bad though? Trust your instincts and do what your heart tells you. If you can be okay with your partner checking out other people, accept them the way they are. If you can’t live with it and they’re not changing after you’ve talked to them several times, consider leaving the relationship.

19. Consider ending the relationship.

Wandering eyes aren’t something that you end a relationship over, but what if it’s just the tip of the iceberg? What if you’re generally unhappy with how your partner treats you, and they are unlikely to change? If that is so, consider ending the relationship.

You don’t have to wait for your partner to cheat on you to have a good enough reason to end things with them. If you can’t trust them, that’s a serious issue, even if they gave you no reason to doubt them. You can’t be with someone you can’t trust, even if it’s because of your own trust issues.

So, if you and your partner don’t want to try couples therapy to sort out your problems, consider going your separate ways. If you want someone who only has eyes for you, you can find that person. Not everyone has wandering eyes, and it’s okay not to find that acceptable.

20. Try couples therapy.

Whether this is the only problem in your relationship or there are more of them, a therapist can help. As long as you’re both willing to put in the work, your relationship stands a chance. So, don’t give up if you want to stay together. Talk to someone who can help you get back on track and resolve your issues.

You can talk to a therapist even without your partner. They can help you with the right advice for your specific situation. While this article can give you some clarity, tailored advice will differ depending on the specifics of your situation.

As you’ve already learned, there are many reasons why a person in a committed relationship might have wandering eyes. If this behavior is causing problems between you and your partner, you can work to find solutions. So talk to someone who will listen to your whole story and give you tailored advice.

Relationship Hero is a website where you can connect with a relationship counselor via phone, video, or instant message.

While you can try to work through this situation yourself or as a couple, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can fix. And if it is affecting your relationship and mental well-being, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.

Too many people – both couples and individuals – try to muddle through and do their best to solve problems that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, speaking to a relationship expert is 100% the best way forward.

Click here if you’d like to learn more about the service Relationship Hero provide and the process of getting started.

You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to an expert. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.

You may also like:

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About The Author

man has a wandering eye

Ana Vakos enjoys writing about love and all the problems that come with it. Everyone has experiences with love, and everyone needs dating advice, so giving these topics more attention and spreading the word means a lot to her.

Partner Who Has Wandering Eyes: Understanding And Dealing With The Behavior

A partner with wandering eyes consistently looks at and has sexual thoughts about others outside the current relationship. It can be a red flag, indicating a lack of emotional commitment. Communication and setting boundaries may help address the issue, but it’s important to evaluate if it’s a deal breaker for the relationship.

Table of Contents

In a romantic relationship, it can be disheartening and hurtful when your partner constantly gazes at other people. This behavior, known as “wandering eyes,” can undermine the trust and connection between partners. Wandering eyes refer to the habit of visually admiring or checking out other individuals, even though one is in a committed relationship.

The impact of this behavior is significant, as it can lead to feelings of insecurity, jealousy, and even emotional distance in the relationship. It can make the non-gazing partner feel unimportant or unattractive, leading to a breakdown in trust and emotional intimacy. Understanding and dealing with this behavior is crucial for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

  • To fully grasp the concept of wandering eyes and its effects on relationships, it is essential to define what it means and how it differs from harmless appreciation. Choosing the right partner is crucial to understanding relationship dynamics.
  • Recognizing the impact of wandering eyes on relationships is the first step in addressing this behavior. Exploring the qualities of lasting relationships can provide insights into building a strong foundation based on trust and respect.

Understanding and dealing with a partner who has wandering eyes requires open and honest communication, setting boundaries, and nurturing a deep emotional connection. By acknowledging and addressing this behavior, couples can work together to strengthen their bond and create a loving and secure partnership.

Emotional commitment is a crucial aspect of any relationship, as it allows both partners to feel secure, loved, and valued. When a partner consistently has wandering eyes, it suggests that their focus and attention may be divided between their current partner and potential romantic interests. This behavior can create feelings of insecurity and mistrust, as it demonstrates a lack of wholehearted dedication to the relationship.

While open communication and setting boundaries can be effective ways to approach this issue, it’s important to assess whether the lack of emotional commitment is a deal breaker. Every individual and relationship is unique, and what may be acceptable to one person may not be to another. Some people may be willing to work through this challenge and find a resolution, whereas others may find it difficult to maintain a healthy relationship without the assurance of complete emotional commitment. Ultimately, it is essential to prioritize one’s own emotional well-being and make a decision that aligns with one’s values and needs.

Signs and Causes of Wandering Eyes

When it comes to relationships, we all want to feel valued and cherished by our partners. However, there are times when we may notice signs of wandering eyes in our partner, which can leave us feeling hurt and insecure.

Some common signs of wandering eyes include frequently looking at others in a flirtatious manner, making their partner aware of attractive people they come across, or openly checking out other individuals while spending time together.

The causes behind this behavior can vary. It may be a result of human nature and the natural inclination to notice beautiful people. For some, it may be harmless fun and merely an acknowledgment of attractiveness. However, for others, it can stem from a lack of respect and emotional connection within the relationship.

Regardless of the cause, it is important to address this behavior in a respectful way. Open and honest communication can help establish boundaries and foster a healthier relationship. Remember, a wandering eye doesn’t necessarily indicate infidelity, but it is essential to have a conversation to ensure both partners feel secure and valued.

Effects on the Relationship

Having a partner with wandering eyes can have a negative impact on a relationship. The constant checking out of other people can lead to trust issues, jealousy, and emotional distance.

When someone’s partner is constantly looking at others, it can create a lack of trust. The person may start to question their partner’s loyalty and faithfulness, wondering if they are being compared to others or if they are truly desired. This can create insecurity and a fear of being replaced.

Jealousy can also arise when a partner feels threatened by their significant other’s wandering eyes. Seeing their partner openly checking out other attractive individuals can make them feel inadequate or not good enough. It can create feelings of resentment and a sense of competition that can be detrimental to the relationship.

Furthermore, the emotional distance between partners can widen as a result of wandering eyes. When one person is constantly visually distracted by others, it can make their partner feel neglected or unimportant. This can lead to a lack of emotional connection and intimacy, causing the relationship to suffer.

In conclusion, having a partner with wandering eyes can cause trust issues, jealousy, and emotional distance in a relationship. It is important for both partners to address and communicate their feelings in order to overcome these challenges and maintain a healthy and fulfilling connection.

Communication and Setting Boundaries

Open communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. It allows partners to express their thoughts, feelings, and needs, and creates a safe space for understanding and compromise. When it comes to setting boundaries, effective communication is crucial. By clearly expressing our limits and expectations, we ensure that our partners understand and respect our boundaries.

Setting boundaries can be challenging, but it is a necessary step in maintaining a healthy and balanced relationship. Start by having an open and honest conversation with your partner about your boundaries. Clearly define what behaviors are acceptable and what are not. Remember, setting boundaries is not about controlling your partner, but about creating a mutually respectful and fulfilling partnership.

If you notice your partner’s wandering eyes, address the issue through communication. Express your feelings and concerns in a non-confrontational manner. Listen to their perspective and try to find a middle ground. By addressing the behavior openly and honestly, you can strengthen your connection and build trust.

Communication and setting boundaries go hand in hand in fostering a healthy relationship. By openly discussing your needs and concerns, and by respecting each other’s limits, you can create a strong foundation built on trust and understanding.

Building Trust and Strengthening the Relationship

Trust is a crucial foundation for any successful relationship. When issues related to wandering eyes arise, trust can be tested. It is important to understand that wandering eyes behavior does not necessarily indicate a lack of love or commitment. However, it can lead to feelings of insecurity and doubt. Rebuilding trust in a relationship requires open and honest communication, empathy, and a willingness to address the underlying issues.

One strategy for strengthening the bond with a partner after issues with wandering eyes is to have a heartfelt conversation. Share your feelings and concerns without blaming or accusing. Create a safe space for your partner to express their perspective as well. This open communication can help both partners reach a deeper understanding and rebuild trust.

Setting clear boundaries is another important strategy for building trust after wandering eyes behavior. Discuss what is acceptable and what makes you uncomfortable. By establishing these boundaries together, you can create a sense of security and minimize misunderstandings. It is important to remember that each relationship is unique, and boundaries may vary. Respect and honor each other’s boundaries to strengthen the trust between you.

In conclusion, building trust and strengthening the relationship after issues with wandering eyes behavior requires open communication, empathy, and setting clear boundaries. By addressing the underlying issues and working together, you can rebuild trust and create a stronger bond with your partner. Trust is the foundation that allows love and connection to flourish.

Is wandering eye a red flag?

A wandering eye in a relationship can be considered a red flag, as it often indicates a lack of commitment or respect towards one’s partner. It is important to communicate boundaries and address any concerns to maintain trust and strengthen the relationship.

Is a wandering eye a deal breaker?

Having a wandering eye, where someone looks at others with romantic interest while in a committed relationship, can be a significant concern. It may indicate potential issues like trust or commitment. While it varies for each individual, open communication and trust-building exercises can support a healthier relationship.

Why does my husband keep looking at other woman?

Your husband may be looking at other women out of curiosity, habit, or simply because he appreciates beauty. It is important to communicate openly and honestly about your feelings and establish boundaries that both of you are comfortable with. Trust and mutual understanding are key in addressing this situation.

How to handle your man looking at other woman in a relationship?

If your partner frequently looks at other women, it can be helpful to communicate your feelings and concerns. Find a calm moment to have an open and honest conversation about boundaries and respect within the relationship. Seek mutual understanding and work together to find a resolution.

In conclusion, dealing with a partner who has wandering eyes can be a challenging and emotionally turbulent journey. We have explored the signs and causes of this behavior, as well as the negative impact it can have on a relationship. Communication and setting boundaries play a crucial role in addressing the issue and rebuilding trust. It is important to remember that wandering eyes are not always indicative of infidelity, but rather a natural human tendency. Through open and honest conversation, couples can work towards understanding and finding a balance that respects both partners’ needs and emotions.

While the road may not always be easy, with proper communication and a commitment to building trust, it is possible to overcome the challenges that a wandering eye brings. Remember, no relationship is without its obstacles, but it is how we navigate through them that truly defines the strength of our connection.

As we conclude this discussion on dealing with a partner who has wandering eyes, it is crucial to acknowledge the importance of self-reflection and growth. We must strive to understand our own emotions and triggers, as well as our own expectations in relationships. It is through this self-awareness that we can cultivate healthier and more fulfilling partnerships.

For more insights on maintaining healthy relationships, you can explore the topic of unrealistic expectations in relationships or learn about the concept of dependence in relationship . Remember, understanding and support are key elements in nurturing and strengthening any relationship.

Thank you for joining us on this journey, and we hope that the information provided has been meaningful and helpful. May your relationships be filled with trust, understanding, and mutual growth.

Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., Ph.D.

How to “See” If Your Partner Only Has Eyes for You

Cultivate an eye for a wandering eye by understanding how gaze matters..

Posted March 30, 2019 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma

 Rawpixel .com/Shutterstock

You have just been seated at a trendy new restaurant and are eager to begin an evening of great food and great conversation. You don't need to look at the menu—you chose your entrée on the restaurant website days ago. Your date doesn't look at it either—apparently for a very different reason. He doesn't look at you either; his gaze is focused on another woman seated nearby at the bar. Given that this is your first night out together, does his focus (or fixation) indicate he is being obvious or oblivious?

Does Other-Focus Indicate Distraction or Attraction ?

If you have ever been in this situation, out with someone who seems to notice everyone but you, know that you are in good company. Although it is hard not to take personally, most people have found themselves in this awkward predicament at one time or another, wondering what to do, whether to say something, or how to best get through the evening.

Whether you are out to dinner, a ballgame, or any other public outing, partner inattention can range from distraction to fixation. A “date” who is engaging in embarrassing staring and ogling of relational alternatives is the easy case, where clearly the first date is the last. The more challenging scenarios involve subtle glances, lingering eye contact with others, or other types of ambiguous behavior where you worry your suspicions reflect your own insecurity rather than the intentions of your partner.

Particularly with couples whose primary method of interaction has been online, a failure to connect visually on a first date is unnerving. This is because eye contact during the getting-to-know-you phase of a relationship is very important. There may be cultural explanations and social rules that explain visual behavior in many cases. In others, research shows that fixation reveals motivation .

Gaze research has focused on the link between looking and thinking, and accordingly reveals some suggestions for discerning the objectives behind the optics.

Gaze Reveals Interest: Where Do You Look?

When it comes to attraction, where you look might reflect what you are thinking. Omri Gillath et al. (2017) studied the correlation between eye movements and interest when looking at photographs of potential friends versus romantic partners. 1 They found that when assessing romantic suitability, people looked more at the head and chest. When assessing potential friends, on the other hand, they looked more at the feet and legs.

Does relationship status make a difference? Gillath et al. found that in general, singles looked at the photographs longer than people in relationships, especially when judging potential mates.

Regarding gender differences, they found that women interested in friendship looked more at the head, as opposed to men, who looked at the head when they were less interested in friendship.

In explaining their findings and possible implications, they noted that people are “visual creatures,” using the sense of sight more than any other sense to interpret surroundings. They also note that both friendship and romance are anchored in attraction. Their research emphasized that the way we regard each other differs based on both our gender and relational goals.

Attraction and Social Comparison

Attraction also involves an element of social comparison. One phenomenon that has been tested through research is the fact that in a dating context, people not only size up each other, but the competition .

Research reveals how women consider social comparison by measuring photograph viewing time. In a study involving showing heterosexual men and women photographs of individuals in bathing suits, Yin Xu et al. (2016) found the men to be more gender-specific in viewing time patterns. 2

They found that with women, however, social comparison attention played a role. While the viewing time of men was only associated with ratings of sexual attractiveness , women viewing photographs of other women were associated with both self-reported sexual attractions and physical appearance social comparison.

man has a wandering eye

Obviously, all women are different, and these results will not apply to everyone. But this is one example of how attention does not necessarily indicate intention. There are different factors that explain why we look at someone longer than our partner might like—when he or she does not understand the reason for our lingering gaze.

The Eyes Have It: Windows to the Soul

Understanding the range of possible explanations for visual behavior is important—but should be interpreted in context. Culture, social conditioning, insecurity, and a wide range of other factors may be at play. Hence the necessity of moving slowly and getting to know the person behind the gaze. If the eyes are the windows to the soul, you want to become acquainted with the character beneath the physical characteristics.

1. Omri Gillath, Angela J. Bahns, and Hayley A. Burghart, ”Eye Movements When Looking at Potential Friends and Romantic Partners,” Arch Sex Behav 46 (2017): 2313-2325.

2. Yin Xu, Qazi Rahman, and Yong Zheng, “Gender-Specificity in Viewing Time Among Heterosexual Women,” Arch Sex Behav 46 (2017): 1361-1374.

Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., Ph.D.

Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., Ph.D., is a career trial attorney, behavioral analyst, author of Red Flags , and co-author of Reading People .

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Love in 90 Days

Men with Wandering Eyes

Many couples face the problems caused by jealousy and let’s face it men who can’t stop checking out other women with their wandering eyes. It may have all started when you saw him looking at the hottie. And it went downhill from there. You may have made some jabbing accusations, started a yelling match, sulked or generally made your partner pay. You felt justified, righteous; worried and sure that your partner was in the wrong. What you really wanted was reassurance and love–the glorious unconditional kind. Sometimes you got it. Sometimes you didn’t. Sound familiar? Most of us have had a few incidents with the green-eyed monster called jealousy. And some of us have had more than a few fights with our partner when we saw him with those wandering eyes. We all know that jealousy can cause painful heartbreak, scads of worry, out-of-control outbursts and setbacks in a relationship. It can even destroy love. But is it possible that any good can ever come out of jealousy in an intimate relationship? The answer is YES! First, I want you watch this short vid. And if you want help dealing with jealousy and to learn how to Affair-Proof your couple, check out my relationship tips below.

Wandering Eyes: Ask Dr. Diana

The Cure for Wandering Eyes: Have an Affair with Your Partner

Cure for wandering eyes tip 1. ask yourself: what would i be doing or saying if right now if we were having an affair.

Then go for it!

What’s interesting about having an affair is that the partners are not automatically available to do the deed. The lingering touch, the sweet nibble on the ear, the deep French kiss may or may not go any farther. There is a playful novelty and uncertainty that drive up dopamine, the falling-in-love brain chemical that is synonymous with anticipation, excitement, and focus on the Beloved. Infatuation sizzles.

Cure for Wandering Eyes Tip 2. Make Physical Contact

Sex begins with physical contact. In fact, couples with great sex lives often are the ones you see holding hands and touching in public. As we’ve discussed, physical nonsexual contact creates oxytocin, the cuddle, bonding, and trust hormone. In order to amplify this even more, if he is receptive, hold hands, kiss, or stroke his face. His hands, lips, and face are all highly touch-sensitive areas! Gazing into his eyes also releases oxytocin and is an extremely powerful bonding move. For example, in one study, strangers shared intimate details about themselves and then stared into each other’s eye for four minutes. Many reported being extremely attracted to each other. One couple in the study actually got married! that’s how powerful gazing can be.

More Contact Sports

Trace the outline of his bicep with your finger or give him a mini massage on his neck and shoulders. Find out what kind of touch he enjoys: stronger, softer, or in between. You both will feel great as the oxytocin works its magic.

On the other hand, many men don’t like to be touched unless it’s on the playing field (why do they slap each other’s butts?) or in the sack. Yet they crave contact with us. And it’s often communicated in a strange way.

And be sure to read my article Four Ways to Turn Jealousy Around. It might just save your relationship.

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Hi, I'm Dr. Diana Kirschner. My team and I have helped thousands of successful single women , including judges, famous shrinks, CEOs, philanthropists, Directors, professors, and celebrities like Hoda Kotb from The Today Show to find a high-quality man who understands, appreciates and cherishes them, and I'm confident we can help YOU too!

I'm a PBS Love expert and psychologist who has appeared on Oprah , the Today Show and in an Amazon Prime show, Love in 90 Days based on my bestseller Love in 90 Days.  My work has been featured in The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal, ABC, People, and NPR .

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Food & drink, relationships & family, how to gracefully handle a boyfriend who has a wandering eye, more articles.

  • How to Handle Someone Who Is Flirting With Your Boyfriend

What Is a Roving Eye?

How to Tell if a Man Is Lying

  • How to Know If a Girl With a Boyfriend Likes You
  • How to Handle a Guy Friend Who Gets Snappy

man has a wandering eye

It's completely natural for people to look at those they find attractive, whether they are in a loving, committed relationship or not. Often those fleeting glances at a pretty girl or a handsome guy go unnoticed and cause absolutely no harm whatsoever. It's when glancing turns into obvious ogling that the problems can start. If you are well aware of your boyfriend's wandering eye, he may be crossing a line. It takes a very secure, confident person not to be a little bothered when her partner ogles other women in front of her. While the temptation may be to scream at your boyfriend, you might achieve a better outcome if you handle it with a little more grace.

Seek a second opinion. Ask a relative or a trusted friend if she also thinks your boyfriend has a wandering eye. Consider the possibility that he is simply friendly and gregarious. If you are prone to jealousy in your relationship, you could be misinterpreting his behavior. Be honest with yourself and decide if you are overreacting, says psychiatrist Gail Saltz.

Consider the reason for your boyfriend's wandering eye. If there is a chance he is doing it for attention, think about how you treat him. If you take him for granted or don't show him enough love, try making more of an effort. Make time for him. Ask him about his day and how he's feeling. Pay attention to his answers. Be tactile and affectionate with him and make intimacy a priority.

Confront your boyfriend about his wandering eye if his behavior is becoming lewd or you suspect he might cheat on you, suggests Saltz. Stay calm. Tell him you understand that it is natural for him to look at people he finds attractive but that he has crossed a line. Say something like, "It makes me very uncomfortable when you stare at other women, and I'm asking you to please stop doing it." Let your boyfriend respond. He might not even have been aware of his wandering eye or may be oblivious to the hurt he was causing.

Help your boyfriend curb his wandering eye. If it's something he's been doing for a long time, it may take time to break the habit. Agree on a subtle signal for you to make if you notice he is doing it while you're out together, such as touching his elbow.

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  • Cosmopolitan: Will Your Guy Cheat On You?
  • Today Health: How Do I Handle My Husband's Wandering Eye?
  • Psychology Today: Advice -- Ogling Other Women
  • If your boyfriend is unable or unwilling to try to control his wandering eye, listen to your gut feeling and decide whether you can trust him or not. If you can't, it's time to move on and find a man who will focus his attention on you and not other women.

C. Giles is a writer with an MA (Hons) in English literature and a post-graduate diploma in law. Her work has been published in several publications, both online and offline, including "The Herald," "The Big Issue" and "Daily Record."

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Is There A Cure For Your Boyfriend's Wandering Eye?

What to do when your man's eyes linger a little too long on other women ....

By Susie & Otto Collins — Written on May 22, 2013

CureYour Boyfriend's Wandering Eye

Are you sick and tired of being out with your boyfriend and having to watch him watch other women the whole time? You've tried to ignore it. You've glared at him, pursed your lips and sighed dramatically. You've even tried talking to him about this disrespectful habit of his ... and he still does it!

His gaze lingers on the backside of your server when you're out to eat together. He stares at the woman walking down the street wearing a low cut top and when you angrily demand that he stop, he claims he can’t help it. "It's just what guys do!"

He might even accuse you of making it all up. According to him, he's only innocently looking around the room and doing nothing wrong—you're just being jealous .

When your partner has a wandering eye, it's upsetting. It feels like he's neglecting you or that he'd rather look at another (presumably more attractive) woman than focus on you. It can be a big trigger if you get jealous easily and it can definitely drive a wedge between you and your partner.

But what can you do about it?

Is this behavior something your man just can't help, as he protests? The attitude that men can't control themselves when they're turned on—whether by their partners or a complete stranger—has been around for a long time and it's just not true. While there are biological (including hormonal) differences between men and women, there is nothing inherent in a man that makes him incapable of making conscious decisions about his actions and where he focuses his attention.

Does this mean he's a jerk or a sleaze because he looks at other women? Not necessarily.

It is natural and normal for anyone—a man or a woman—to notice another person who is attractive. Just because your partner looks, it doesn't mean he (or she) wants to or is going to cheat . It also doesn't mean that your partner thinks you are ugly or lacking in some way. 

At the same time, there is a difference between admiring another person and gawking, leering or staring, especially staring at particular parts of the other person's body. When your guy seems to be looking at another woman, question what you think you see. Is he truly just looking or is he crossing a line?

Stop the excuses.

First and foremost, when your partner is looking "too long" or inappropriately at another woman, don't let excuses take over (from him or in your mind). Don't use this as a reason for you to feel worse about what you believe are your "ugly" features or unattractive body size. And don't accept your partner's (or your own) rationalization that he "can't help it" or is "just being a guy."

Be specific.

The more you focus on specifics and the less you launch into blame and accusations the better. Yes, do talk with your partner about his staring, but don't condemn him or assume to know what his intentions are. You don't.

Identify his observable behaviors that you believe compromise trust. Say something like, "Yesterday, when we were at the pool together and you watched a woman in a bikini for several minutes, I felt angry and ignored." Let him know exactly what you are talking about and steer clear of generalizations such as, "You always check out other women!"

Try to talk more about what you do want and less on what you don't. Follow up your observation of his specific behavior with, "I like it when I know you’re listening to me." or "I feel more connected with you when you make eye contact with me."

If he is confused about what constitutes looking "too long" or inappropriately at other women, create some agreements. Talk about your expectations and listen to his. Come up with some ground rules you both can be okay with.

Choose what's best for you.

If you've repeatedly told your partner how you feel and asked him to stop behaving in ways that damage trust and your connection and he still has a wandering eye, consider whether you will  stay in or leave the relationship.

Ending your marriage or love relationship can be a very difficult decision to make so take the time to make sure your choice is based on facts and on what’s in alignment with what’s most important to you.

Still not sure what to do about your man who looks "too long" at other women? Get help with your jealousy and this tricky situation in our " Wandering Eyes " audio. www.nomorejealousy.com/WanderingEyes .

More boyfriend advice from YourTango:

  • Which Breed Is Your Boyfriend?
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  • Dating: Tips & Expert Advice

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How To Stop Your Wandering Eye: Every Man’s Battle

Husband with Wandering Eye - Dollarphotoclub_56982272

QUESTION: What do you do if you find someone attractive—other than your spouse? What if you find that you have a wandering eye?

If you find someone attractive, your first line of defense is a proper mind-set, which is this: This attraction threatens everything I hold dear.

It may not appear threatening early in the attraction, when everything seems innocent. Remember, though, that attractions grow quickly and can destroy your marriage. Even if your marriage manages to survive, at the very least the lurking will weaken the foundation of your marriage and rob your wife of your full captivation.

Your second line of defense is to declare, I have no right to think these things . State this to yourself clearly, decisively, and often. You don’t even know this woman; who are you to be attracted to her? Didn’t your Master give you your wife?

T he third line of defense is to heighten your alert.What do you normally do when you feel threatened? You take off your jacket and breathe deeply. You ready yourself for what’s coming.

Suppose you’re a bouncer at a dance club, checking I.D.s and tickets, joking with the customers. One night, five men in black leather loudly roar up on motorcycle, looking surly and arrogant. Would you relax and back away from the door? Not on your life. Without hesitation, you’d step up to the door and stand erect, ready to confront the threat.

Consider the old Star Trek television series. What did Captain Kirk do when danger approached? He cried out: Red alert! Shields up!

With your mind-set transformed, you won’t let her near the corral. The attraction will begin to starve, and she’ll drift back toward the horizon. How can you make sure this will happen?

BOUNCE YOUR EYES.

You saw her passing your corral, and you were physically attracted to her. Starve this attraction by bouncing your eyes (which means to “build a reflex action by training your eyes to immediately bounce away from the sexual, like the jerk of your hand away from the hot stove”). Don’t dwell on her beauty by stealing glances. Do this with zeal.

Sometimes this isn’t possible, but do it when you can. If she works with you, and the two of you are assigned to the same project, don’t ask her to eat lunch with you or offer her a ride home. Avoid opportunities that create positive experiences with her until the attraction phase dies. If she asks you to do something with her, excuse yourself.

WHEN YOU’RE IN HER COMPANY, PLAY THE DWEEB.

Our hero, Dweebman, steps into a nearby public rest room. He emerges as the polyester-clad enemy of all things flirtatious and hip. Dull, mild-mannered Dweebman—pocket protector shielding his heart and hair slightly askew—wages his quiet, thankless war of boring interchange. Our once-threatening Amazon withdraws to undefended sectors. This leaves Dweebman victorious again in his never-ending good fight to stave off the hip and the impure in his galactic empire!

Okay, there’s not that much glory in playing the dweeb. There’ll be no comic-book deals no endorsement deals, no 20/20 interviews with Barbara Walters, but you’ll be a hero to your wife and kids.

A dweeb is the opposite of a player. In relationships, players send and receive social signals smoothly. Dweebs do not. When a player wants to send attraction signals, there are certain things he’ll do. He’ll flirt, banter, and smile with a knowing look. He’ll talk about hip things. In short, he’ll be cool. You were a player at one time, and knew how to feed attractions. You spent your whole adolescence learning how.

Social Suicide

As a married man, however, a little social suicide is very much in order. Always play the dweeb. Players flirt… learn to un-flirt. Players banter… learn to un-banter. If a woman smiles with a knowing look, learn to smile with a slightly confused look, to un-smile. If she talks about things that are hip, talk about things are un-hip to her, like your wife and kids. She’ll find you pleasant enough but rather bland and uninteresting. Perfect.

Sometimes a woman’s attractiveness to you will be mental rather than physical. This is common in work environments as you work with women on projects that interest you both. In business it’s common to spend more hours per day with female coworkers than with your wife. You talk with them about common goals and achieving success, while all you and your wife talk about are the kids’ discipline problems, who’s going to change the dirty diapers, and bills, bills, bills.

As with physically attractive women, you must understand that if your shields aren’t up, and if you don’t recognize the threat to your marriage, you’re flirting with danger.

To summarize:

If you’re attracted to a woman, it doesn’t mean you may never again have any sort of relationship or friendship with her. It only means you must enact your defense perimeters. Once you’ve starved the attractions and she’s a safe distance away, you can have a proper relationship, one that is honoring to your wife and to the Lord.

You can also visit the web site that goes along with this book, Everymansbattle.com . They have some great articles on this web site that could minister to your needs in tremendous ways.

More from Marriage Missions

Follow Your Heart

Tagged: flirting , guard your heart

Filed under: Emotional & Physical Affair Sexual Issues

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60 responses to “ How To Stop Your Wandering Eye: Every Man’s Battle ”

Good Morning Everyone. My name is Ronelle and i am from South Africa. I have been going through a really turbulent two weeks. With my mum being sick and the whole atmosphere being so heavy at home. Prior to this have been a tough couple of years with the passing of my brother, my sister distancing herself from us, my dad leaving us and years later finding that he had ended up on the streets and just quite a bit of unfortunate things that have happened in our family life. there were often times where i would be so discouraged and say to my mum, “what more could God allow to happend to us” and my mum would say in almost a concerned tone for me not to say that, becuase it could be much worse, as many families lose so much each day. But these past two weeks have been so hard To the point of me actually considering giving up my Sunday School teaching in our local church. I just feel so depressed at times but so exhausted since i have two small kids to provide for as well and my mum who is in and out of depression herself. I joined the gym a while ago to help with the stress and refused the anti depressant medication. I also quite recently noticed my partner glancing at other women from time to time and although i know that it is normal, as most secular sites claim it to be, i wanted to know what Gods thoughts were on the issue and googled exactly that “What does God’s Word say about a wandering eye”. And this site came up. Thank God. The explanation of it all and how we really need to be accountable and take conscious action when we feel we are being tempted to do things that put our relationship in trouble. Thank you so much for this article. Something within my spirit refused to believe that we should just its a normal thing and that its normal if your husband has lustful thoughts as long as they dont touch. and that its crazy for the woman. wife to feel insecure and disrespected and should learn to accept it as part of life or move on.

I shared this with my partner and i was a bit nervous as to how he would repond. We are both born again believers. I thank God that he was open to listening to me read out the various points and afterward told me that he agrees with all that has been said. I told him that i do understand that for both of us it is normal to notice attractive people but to use these methods and train our minds and heart to submit under the authority of Christ and remember that He has blessed us with each other and we need to consciously work at driving out the worlds temptations. It was something that was adding to the things that worried me, but knowing that he acknowledges how it makes me feel and agrees with how we as a Godly couple should behave for God’s glory, each other and in the sight of our kids, just alleviated so much stress. I thank God for guiding me to your site. And i do know that just as He has delivered me from these fears and continues a good work in my life, He will heal and deliver my mum and family as well.

Thank you again for this article.

Lots of guys, including myself find ourselves glancing at other women. Fortunately I find my wife very attractive. I focus on her and those few special body parts & curves I really like. She wears yoga pants, plus she is almost 60!! When I pay attention to her, I notice others much less. So guys, pay attention to your wives, not others’ wives. Ladies, look good for your husband, make him notice you. throw away the house coat and jogging pants.

My fiancé of 19 years can learn from you. No matter how good I look or dress his eyes and mind still wonder on other women. Also he’s been divorced five times.

Maria, Could the “wandering eyes” on other women when he is pledged to marry you and the “five times” divorced situation give you a clue as to what might be facing you if you marry?

Wow! This gave me so much wisdom I need to stop having a wandering eye. I’m a married woman and even though this article is for men, it is right on point for women too. I will be a “dweeb”. I want to be faithful to God and my husband. Thank you.

I will agree wholeheartedly with 3 points in the article: YES learn to divert your eyes physically if you can’t trust yourself not to look with lust; YES avoid her when possible (and it isn’t always). When it’s not, have a coworker present. Leave your office door open. Don’t spend unnecessary time together, e.g., lunch, coffee after work. STAY FOCUSED on business.

“Playing the DWEEB” is about the stupidest idea I have ever heard. If she begins steering the conversation in an inappropriate direction, you can casually mention your wife/kids, etc. to remove any doubt about your being “off limits” (my best friend is the world’s best at this). If she still doesn’t get the hint, call her out on it directly, saying, “I’m sorry, but this conversation is inappropriate.”

But deliberately acting like a dork?!? That’s pathetic! Why would you want to act immature and juvenile? People will take notice of it and you will lose the respect of your co-workers and your boss. You will become a laughingstock. And rightly so. Be a man. Be mature. Be a professional and deal with it professionally.

Alan, I respectfully disagree w/second half of your comments. Particularly, “that’s pathetic” (Maybe so. But maybe not. You’re revealing a weakness in lack of understanding or empathy for those in such a forum as this. Your comment likely does more damage than good). Or maybe it’s not pathetic. Maybe it’s just the nature of being deeply in need. (People) In need of healing very deep emotional and mental wounds. Why deeply? I’m speaking of those who received abuse.

So, getting back to my point. Do you Alan, think victims of abuse can just flip a switch? What about those who were escaping life’s miseries by increasingly leaning on something to the point of obsession/addiction? Please consider these words. “Be mature, be a man”: this has a similar effect to the former. It’s bootstrap talk, which expects one to just flip-a-switch, to change not desirable behavior.

Perhaps, your recommendations are all thoughts and methods that you use. Perhaps you think they helped you. If you know someone in recovery, please avoid the putdowns and bootstrap talk. I hope you don’t badger them. Encourage their recovery. Best and blessings to you. Thank you.

Woman here. I’m having such a wandering eye these days. It’s so hard. I can’t seem to control it. I’m scared that I can’t be happy with my husband the rest of my life. I want other men. I pray daily for help. I feel no attraction for my husband anymore. I love him as a friend and companion and he’s a great person and a great father. I’m trying so hard to focus on all I do have. But this is making me depressed, to not feel desire for my husband. I could never hurt him though…..so I’m stuck in this sort of prison.

I completely understand his eyes looking at an attractive woman. But when the eyes go over, and over to the same places it becomes disrespectful to me. He keeps saying that he is very friendly, and likes to engage in conversation with man and woman alike. The flaw that I see with that thought is that if you are friendly, and want to engage in conversation, you don’t look to certain body parts to do so. I am frustrated, and not sure what to do.

I definitely like to interact and make aye contact with other women. I don’t know if that is flirting. I was fired from the same office my wife was working on because of that. I never felt I was and my wife didn’t know the reason why they let me go.

I really enjoy watching other women even if my wife is present. I don’t think that’s lack of respect either. She gets really upset and expresses her frustration; she also asked me to apologize at least, to what I normally reply that she should be the one to apologize because she looses her temper.

I don’t think I’m micro cheating, it’s just the way I am. My wife simply doesn’t understand. I don’t think I need help anyways.

Luis, I have to remind myself “eyes up”

Woman reveals husband's 'creepy' habit with other women

By Bianca Farmakis | 3 years ago

The 'wandering eye' has long been a focal point of animosity among many committed couples.

Now, an anonymous woman has revealed her husband's "creepy" habit with other women, saying it's unlikely to change.

Writing in to an advice column in the Washington Post , the woman, 37, said her husband will regularly "find a woman and stare" every few minutes.

RELATED: Brace yourself: the full story of the 'Distracted Boyfriend' couple has emerged

man has a wandering eye

"He will look over and stare until he gets her attention, and then they both stare at each other," she said.

The woman explained her insecurity does not stem from feeling unattractive or lacking a personality in her husband's presence. When she confronted her husband about the issue, he simply denied any wrongdoing.

RELATED: The most common excuse cheaters give their partners

"This makes me feel like I'm nothing, and it's just simply embarrassing," she wrote.

The situation escalates when the pair are around potentially confrontational people.

Sex and The City, reboot, revival, Sarah Jessica Parker, Cynthia Nixon, Kristin Davis

Revealing their friends pretend not to notice his habit when they're out, the woman recalled an incident in which her husband was nearly "punched" for staring at a man's girlfriend.

Though this only happened once, the woman she secretly hoped the man would punch her husband.

The frustrating situation however, doesn't draw a conclusive link to infidelity in the eyes of relationship science.

In 2017, a study of 96 heterosexual couples by the University of South Carolina Lancaster found people feeling angered by their partner's wandering eye was a "projection of their own attraction to alternatives more than it was an accurate reflection of their partner's attraction."

man has a wandering eye

Put simply, if someone is struggling with their partner's desire to stray, it's probably because they've considered doing it themselves.

A 2016 study found that unlike women, men prefer faces they've never seen before - and often rank their female counterparts "less attractive" when they see them for a second time.

Caroline Madden, a marriage and family therapist, and author of After a Good Man Cheats , told Fatherly it's often a sign of people simply "noticing" those around them.

"Just because you are in a committed relationship doesn't mean you're dead — you're still going to notice beautiful people," she explained.

"It is human to glance, so if you notice someone good looking, it's generally okay. It's more about not letting that slippery slope happen."

Glenn Close

Psychotherapist Allison Cohen told Deep Soulful Love that frequently reminding yourself of your partner's commitment to you is crucial, "even if they notice an attractive other from time to time.

"For those that do desire an outward communication of the issue, your best bet will be to come from a place of observation and curiosity," she explained.

"If after the conversation, you determine that the behaviour hasn't ceased or lessened, you may need to re-evaluate the level at which your partner respects and addresses your needs."

Desperate Housewives

However, Florida State University found a link between the wandering eye and infidelity in a 2018 study . It determined people who looked elsewhere were more likely to have cheated on their partner within a three-year period.

The study also discovered that when people stared for shorter periods of time, cheating was likely to be reduced by half - with 100 milliseconds sparking all the difference.

The Washington Post 's advice columnist Miss Manners told the woman, "It is not that you are afraid he is looking at someone prettier; it is that he is embarrassing himself by harassing some other woman."

"If it is not going to stop, then either he or you will not be in attendance at the next dinner."

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man has a wandering eye

Why I've Always Had A Wandering Eye In My Relationships — Until Now

Today, I'm fueled with an irrepressible desire to get a little ~personal~ because I'm a nasty woman who will express her nasty personal narrative in hopes that another nasty woman might relate.

The year 2016 has been the year of my identity crisis, the latest and greatest of which stems from me not wanting sleep with anyone but the person I'm dating.

This is a new feeling for me, babes.  

I've always had a bit of a wandering eye in relationships... at least if the relationship was healthy and the person wasn't emotionally abusive, codependent or argumentative.

If the relationship was dark and destructive, my eye didn't wander as much mostly because I was too weary from the incessant fighting and didn't have the energy to check someone else out.

But in healthy, happy relationships, I found myself so bored, it was painful. And bored, idle eyes lead to ugly, sinful thoughts.

Bored, idle eyes lead to ugly, sinful thoughts.

I accepted it as my twisted fate. I would either be bored to tears in a healthy relationship with a wandering eye, OR be stuck in a toxic relationship that sucks away at my soul.

For the record, the only person I've ever actually  cheated on was a skater boy who cheated on me in 11th grade. (He went down on this pixie, emo chick while he was rolling on ecstasy.)

It was a revenge cheat, and I don't even count it because a) I'm gay AF , so the relationship wasn't even real, and b) I was 16. You can't really hold a sexually confused teenager with an eating disorder accountable for much.

Anyway, growing up, I thought love meant chaos. I thought passion meant dramatic blow-outs where strangers stare at you in sheer horror as you engage in a screaming match with your lover in public. I thought you had to fight for love, and if love came easy, it wasn't love, man.

My mindset probably stems from my childhood, honestly. I was always a dramatic kid who was hyper-fascinated by the toxic, tempestuous couples throughout pop-culture history: Kurt and Courtney, Sid and Nancy, Bonnie and Clyde.

"That's love!"   I would think to myself as I watched "Sid and Nancy" for the 10th time. And sometimes, in acting class, I didn't know when the scene ended and where real life began, so I was always trying to artificially amp up my personal life.

It was unhealthy, I know, but I think a lot of us do this. I mean, how can you grow up in the denim-clad 90s and not have a warped perception of what love really is?

Now, as an adult, I realize this perception is directly connected to my lifelong habit of having a wandering eye. I've spent my life mistaking a healthy relationship with boredom, and projecting my fantasy of a tempestuous, real romance onto a stranger.

But earlier this year, my wandering eye centered itself .

It's sort of freaking me out. I don't know if it went to yoga when I was sleeping, but it suddenly feels grounded.  Healthy has become suddenly sexy to me. Clarity is something I fiercely crave, like carbs on my period.

Healthy has become suddenly sexy to me. Clarity is something I fiercely crave, like carbs on my period.

The weirdest thing I've learned is that nothing is about what you think it's about, kittens.

In my case, the wandering eye wasn't about me not being able to keep it in my pants or being perpetually sexually dissatisfied. I was just afraid of anything resembling stability because stability is scary.

And the fear of a stable relationship was really a fear of me showing up for myself.

See, when you have something to lose, like a healthy relationship with an awesome partner who listens to you rant but also knows how to make you come, you are faced with two choices: You can either step up to the plate or you can run.

And sometimes, it's easier to just run. Because healthy relationships force us to confront the painful aspect of ourselves — addiction, shitty self-esteem, our self-sabotaging ways or broken family dynamics — that we'd like to run away from. In healthy relationships, we're not distracted from all of that by chaos or the task rescuing someone (who often can't be rescued).

Healthy relationships remind us of what's real — and that isn't always pretty. And in some cases, we're not sure if we're capable of stepping up to the plate.

Healthy relationships remind us of what's real — and that isn't always pretty.

So my version of running away and avoiding the work I needed to do on myself was forever looking elsewhere, not at myself or my relationship.

My wandering eye was the perfect metaphor for my fear. Not my fear of committing to another person, but my fear of really committing to myself and to the things I want to achieve in my life. I thought, if I distracted myself for long enough, I wouldn't have to focus on my fears.

But now, I want to confront the things that freak me out. I'm tired of calling in sick to life when shit gets rough.

I'm ready to put on my big girl pants and look the future dead in the eye. I'm ready for something tangible.

After all, you can never really hold anything firmly when one eye is staring out the window.

man has a wandering eye

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15 Signs Your Partner Has a Wandering Eye

  • By Power of Positivity
  • Published on April 30, 2020
  • Last modified May 21, 2023

Sometimes, a man or woman’s wandering eye is not necessarily a sign of disrespect. Instead, a short glance toward the opposite sex is more often than not a sign of curiosity from your partner. Or, they could simply not help but notice someone’s attractiveness.

Much as we might admire a beautiful sculpture or painting, it makes sense that we would continue to appreciate beautiful people after the honeymoon stage of a relationship fades, and the bond matures.

Sometimes, however, wandering eyes could be a sign that your partner is or is considering cheating . So what are some other signs you can look for to tell the difference between the two?

Here are 15 signs your partner has a wandering eye:

1 – does your partner criticize you, incessantly.

Constant criticism is considered by experts to be one of the four horsemen. Sometimes as people settle into a relationship, they find their partner’s quirks and habits to become less endearing and more of an annoyance. If your partner happens to be less emotionally mature, they may seek out another partner behind your back instead of ending the relationship.

If someone is suddenly finding every opportunity to find something wrong with not just your actions, but who you are as a person, they may be trying to deflect some internal shame about not being forthcoming with you. Even if your partner isn’t cheating, this is a sign of a strained relationship.

wandering

2 – Has your partner made accusations of you being the cheating partner?

Along the same lines as deflecting shame, if your partner makes accusations about you cheating , they may do so because the fact that they are cheating makes them feel insecure. Some people want to have their cake and eat it too. They want loyalty and a hot new fling.

Be careful, though, as some people have simply been burned in the past, and that accusation might not have any relation to current behavior. Therefore, your significant other may not be a cheater.

3 – Has your intimacy suddenly changed?

When someone is cheating on you or has a wandering eye, their sexual behavior can change. They may retreat from the bedroom due to guilt over their actions. Conversely, they may ramp up the volume in the bedroom with some new techniques their side-lover introduced to them. Be careful with this one. Indeed, he or she may merely be trying to spice things up in the bedroom to get you excited.

4 – Have strange expenses showed up in your bank account?

When a woman acquires a new lover, she may suddenly have a new income that is unexplained. If the man in the relationship is cheating, you can expect to see that bank balance decrease as he woos his fling. Finances are a significant point of contention between couples. Therefore, both parties should be transparent.

If there is a lack of transparency when it comes to money, this may indicate you both have a strained relationship.

5 – Do you have an intuition that something is off?

Sometimes nothing does a better job of tipping you off to cheating better than your gut. You do not consciously realize this, but your gut picks up on thousands of micro bits of data as you go about your day. When something is off, your gut or intuition will undoubtedly tip you off. Indeed, because you are reading this article right now, your intuition is probably already on full alert!

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6 – Has their schedule suddenly changed?

Another sign that a partner is participating in an affair is if their schedule shifts to make time for steamy romp sessions, rather than to bury their heads in more work or a suddenly sick family member. Make sure that your partner gives other signs of cheating before accusing them of being a cheater, however.

7 – Are your friends treating you differently?

Friends may start acting more courteous or try to avoid you altogether. That is because they are often the first ones to find out about an affair. The same applies to your partner’s friends. They, too, may start to avoid you or act exceptionally nicely around you.

One way you can check to make sure that your partner doesn’t have a wandering eye is by telling your friends that you’ve noticed the change in their behavior and want to know what that’s all about. Who knows, they may be planning a surprise party for you and your spouse. Otherwise, your partner may already be cheating on you.

8 – Have technology habits changed?

If your spouse suddenly has their eyes glued to their phone most of the day, they may be having an affair. Of course, if your spouse needs to be on their phone often for work-related reasons, that is one thing, but if their habits change, that might signal a strained relationship.

Technology habits can include anything from checking their phone once before bed to suddenly checking their phone more often for “emails.” If they suddenly change up their technology habits, this is a reliable indicator that your partner has wandering eyes.

9 – Do they have a new phone?

Unless your significant other has recently dropped their phone in the toilet, your partner buying a new phone without explanation is a major red flag that they are cheating on you. Many people who are seeing other people on the side will keep a burner phone or small flip phone, away from your vision so they can hold conversations you won’t be privy to.

10 – Do they have a secret cloud account?

Along with a new phone or new technology habits, most information these days gets stored in “the cloud,” or an online data storage service. This data can include work-related documents, videos, and yep, you guessed it—racy photos from an affair. If your significant other is secretive about showing you his laptop or other electronics, he or she may be a cheater.

11 – Have they stopped making plans for the future with you?

Someone who is cheating may stop making plans for upcoming birthdays or celebrations because they want to keep the calendar open for both you and the person they are keeping the affair with.

pop meme

12 – Have you effectively discussed your boundaries with your partner?

Cheating isn’t always as cut and dry as going out and hooking up with a stranger. For some couples, cheating can range from watching a man walk by a few seconds too long to creating emotional intimacy with someone else beyond what they have taken the time to develop with their spouse. You will want to discuss some of your boundaries with your partner so that they don’t unintentionally hurt you.

13 – Has the emotional intimacy between you two changed?

Speaking of emotional intimacy, have you noticed your partner sharing less meaningful information with you? As relationships grow and mature emotional intimacy, ebbs and flows as life becomes more complicated and less complicated. However, there should always be an open pathway for communication. If one party shuts down, that person may be participating in an affair.

Perhaps you can suggest to your partner to have a weekly discussion about life and your feelings towards each other.

14 – Have their clothing preferences changed?

If your partner generally wears a pair of jeans and a regular t-shirt, and suddenly go out and purchase more formal clothes, this can indicate that they are making an effort to impress someone else.

The same can be said if they have been keeping roughly the same style of hair for the past few years and suddenly come home with a bold new haircut. The best way to handle this situation is to ask your partner what they intend to use their new clothes for or why they decided to get a new haircut.

You never know, they might want to take you on a lovely date!

15 – Is your partner happy overall with life?

Your partner should be content with his/her life. Discontentment can lead to poor behavior, so it is wise to discuss life paths together to find out how to improve the relationship. This will help your partner to keep their eyes from wandering.

wandering eye

Final Thoughts on Having a Partner with a Wandering Eye

If you suspect that your partner is a cheater, it is essential to have an open and honest conversation about if cheating is the actual issue or if it is related to a stressful life circumstance the both of you are going through. What is the reason behind the deception? Is there a work schedule issue where both of your paths are failing to align often?

Do you both have enough interests together to keep the relationship interesting? Is one partner addicted to adrenaline rushes? There’s never an excuse for cheating. However, depending on the reasons for cheating, you can decide where to go from there. It will depend on if your partner is remorseful for his or her actions. It will also depend upon your morals and feelings.

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Does your man have a wandering eye? Here are 9 reasons why

David simonsen, familyshare.

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Every year, there are thousands of men all over the world who cheat on their wives, girlfriends and fiancées. Thousands of dollars are spent on divorces and countless therapy sessions. People caught in the hurt of betrayal often ask the question, why? I have found that when a man cheats, there are often several things that lead to it.

Perhaps you are married to someone who, at the core, doesn’t have the ability to be faithful to you. People like this tell themselves they want to be, but when the opportunity arises, they inevitably start an inappropriate relationship that leads to an affair.

Fear of Intimacy

This is often used as a catchall cliché when someone gets uncomfortable with connecting with another person. When someone has multiple affairs, it is often a sign that while comfortable with the sexual relationship they are not comfortable with what usually comes along with a more committed relationship. Things like sharing life experiences, listening when someone is hurt and parenting together. These are things that create intimacy and perhaps your partner has no ability to join in on those type of things.

Pop culture is always talking about the next best thing, the newest trend, the hottest celebrity, and how you are missing out if you aren’t doing this thing or that thing. Unfortunately, this tempts some people to do things they normally wouldn’t. These men may think “My sex life is boring. I need to spice it up.” When their significant other isn’t interested in the spice, it can lead to discontentment. This is unfortunate because relationships aren't simply about sex. It is a big part of the relationship, but not the only part.

Let’s be honest, women. Sometimes you control your partner. This control does not bode well for your relationship. The sooner you loosen the grip, the sooner your relationship will be so much better. When men feel or believe they are being controlled, they will sometimes react to it. They will find ways to get some control in their own lives that you may not end up being aware of until it’s too late.

Many times men may feel caught in a rut. This rut leads them to believe the grass is greener somewhere else. While this may be similar to discontent, it is different in that this is more fueled by the routine of life. Getting up with kids, taking kids to events, going to work 9 to 5. Couples with this dilemma often start with saying we don’t have anything in common anymore.

You may be in relationship with a man who is willing to take risks that typical people wouldn’t take — all to satisfy a sexual need. These men usually need more help than simple counseling. They seek out prostitutes and strip clubs — all to get one's needs met. One of the bigger things a man values is emotional connectedness. It is a mistake to simply think men cheat for sex, and they don’t care about being connected.They often cheat because they don’t feel an emotional connection with their woman. When this connection is missing, it’s only a matter of time before some type of cheating takes place.

Men highly value respect. When the woman they are in a relationship with doesn’t show respect toward her man, he will find someone that does. This respect can be shown in simple ways. Do you let your man know you value what he does for you? Do you let him know he is important to you? It is no wonder many affairs begin in the workplace. This is a place where your man is often given respect by women. These types of respect-driven relationships lead to more conversations, more involvement that doesn’t need to happen and then ultimately to an affair. There are often many things that can lead to an affair. The key is to make sure you are doing everything in your power to pay attention to things that can lead down that path. It is very rare an affair happens as a one night stand. Most cheating relationships begin with a conversation fueled by starving relationships at home.

We put a lot of time and effort into maintaining relationships with those we love. And by knowing the warning signs of a partner's wandering eye, we can address the root of the problem and correct it before any of these 9 signs of cheating become one of the 9 reasons our relationship ended.

Dr. David Simonsen is a husband, father and therapist. He likes to learn, laugh and be creative. You can find out more about him and contact him at www.DavidSimonsen.net

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Handsome men more likely to have wandering eye and shorter relationships.

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Few can resist a beautiful face, but new research suggests you may want to take caution before you start a relationship with someone too attractive, especially if it’s a handsome man. The study suggested that physically attractive men are more likely to look for new partners when they are dissatisfied with their current relationship.

The study, published online now in the journal Personal Relationships , suggested that relationships may be harder to maintain for more attractive men because they are quicker to look for greener pastures when they are unhappy with their mate than people who aren't so beautiful.

Read: Who Is Most Likely To Cheat? The Top 9 Jobs That Unfaithful People Have, According To A Survey

While it’s commonly known that desirable people are more likely to catch the eye of potential dates, this study suggests that more attractive individuals are also more likely to be wooed by potential dates, especially when life at home isn’t happy. However, before you begin to get paranoid about the faithfulness of your own handsome husband, it must be stated that the attractiveness of the men in the study was based on the opinion of just two women, The Independent reported.

For the study, the team from Harvard University had two women rate the attractiveness of 238 men in their high school yearbook pictures. The Harvard team then looked up the men’s relationship history using Ancestry.com to determine whether they were married, and if they had ever been divorced over the course of the 30 years following their high school graduation. The men were purposely taken from both working class and upper class backgrounds, in order to prove that financial assets have nothing to do with your likeliness to be unfaithful.

Results revealed that men rated as more attractive were also more likely to be divorced, and more likely to have had shorter marriages.

The study also sought to determine whether a person’s own physical attraction would cause them to be more attracted to other people even while they were in a relationship. To do this, the team had volunteers look through a series of photos and comment on whether or not the were attracted to the individuals in the images. Results showed that individuals who viewed themselves as being more attractive were also more likely to admit being attracted to images in the photographs, despite being in a serious relationship.

While marrying an attractive person may put you at risk of being cheated on and left for another, what attractive people lack in morals, they may make up for in money. Other research suggests that more attractive individuals have a natural edge in life and find success easier than their less attractive peers. The study looked at the personalities of individuals of various levels of attraction and found that more attractive individuals also tended to have higher salaries, were more intelligent and healthy, and had personalities more likely to be described as “conscientious, extraverted and less neurotic.”

So it seems that attractive individuals really are the “package deal,” but unfortunately, you’re not the only person who thinks so. So if you are lucky enough to fall in love with someone who turns heads while walking down the street, treat them well, because they likely won’t have a problem walking out if you don’t. Or you could always look for the nice man who adores you.

Source: Ma-Kellams C, Wang MC, Cardiel H. Attractiveness and relationship longevity: Beauty is not what it is cracked up to be. Personal Relationships . 2017

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NASA's Mars rover Curiosity took 30 images in Gale Crater using its mast-mounted Right Navigation Camera (Navcam) to create this…

NASA's Mars rover Curiosity took 30 images in Gale Crater using its mast-mounted Left Navigation Camera (Navcam) to create this mosaic. The seam-corrected mosaic provides a vertical projection of the Martian surface near the rover, covering an area of 20 meters (north/south) by 20 meters (east/west). North is up in the image. This projection provides an overhead view, but introduces distortion for items not on the surface, such as large rocks and the rover itself. Curiosity took the images on March 18, 2024, Sol 4128 of the Mars Science Laboratory mission at drive 708, site number 106. The local mean solar time for the image exposures was 1 PM. Each Navcam image has a 45-degree field of view. CREDIT: NASA/JPL-Caltech

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NASA's Mars rover Curiosity took 30 images in Gale Crater using its mast-mounted Left Navigation Camera (Navcam) to create this…

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NASA's Mars rover Curiosity took 51 images in Gale Crater using its mast-mounted Right Navigation Camera (Navcam) to create this…

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  1. When a Partner Has Wandering Eyes

    If your partner's wandering eye creates a problem in your relationship, discuss the issue with them. Start with your own feelings, not with an accusation or criticism. Suggest couple's therapy or attend therapy on your own if your requests are continually ignored. Try to casually acknowledge it first when a beautiful person comes into view.

  2. How to Deal With a Partner Who Has Wandering Eyes

    3 tips for how to fix a wandering eye. If it has become a big enough problem that it requires fixing to keep you happy in the relationship, there are some tips that can make the process easier for you. When having a conversation about your partner's problem, consider the following advice: 1.

  3. 20 Tips To Dealing With Your Partner's Wandering Eyes

    1. Don't let it harm your self-esteem. Your partner's eyes would probably wander even if they were in a relationship with a supermodel. So, don't think that this has anything to do with how attractive you are, to them or to anyone else. Try not to let it harm your self-esteem.

  4. Partner Who Has Wandering Eyes: Understanding And Dealing With The

    Having a partner with wandering eyes can have a negative impact on a relationship. The constant checking out of other people can lead to trust issues, jealousy, and emotional distance. When someone's partner is constantly looking at others, it can create a lack of trust. The person may start to question their partner's loyalty and ...

  5. The Danger of a Wandering Eye

    In McNulty's study, volunteers who rated attractive, opposite- sex persons an average of two points lower in attractiveness on a 1-10 scale were half as likely to have cheated. So, a tendency ...

  6. What It Really Means For The Relationship When Your Partner Has A

    A relationship with a person who has a wandering eye is really no relationship at all. It is really just two people killing time trying to be less alone justifying love in an effort to avoid psychosocial failures. Our culture has done extensive research on the costs of physical infidelity as well as emotional infidelity however we have rarely ...

  7. 3 Signs Your Partner Has A Wandering Eye & Why It's Probably NBD

    Giphy. "I think the earliest and most obvious sign that your partner has wandering eyes is when you catch them checking other people out," Figueroa tells Elite Daily. "The reality is that even the ...

  8. How to "See" If Your Partner Only Has Eyes for You

    If the eyes are the windows to the soul, you want to become acquainted with the character beneath the physical characteristics. 1. Omri Gillath, Angela J. Bahns, and Hayley A. Burghart, "Eye ...

  9. Ask Dr. Diana: My Husband Has Wandering Eyes

    Cure for Wandering Eyes Tip 2. Make Physical Contact. Sex begins with physical contact. In fact, couples with great sex lives often are the ones you see holding hands and touching in public. As we've discussed, physical nonsexual contact creates oxytocin, the cuddle, bonding, and trust hormone. In order to amplify this even more, if he is ...

  10. What to do if your partner has a 'wandering eye'

    For example, the meaning that you might have attached to it might be: "I'm not attractive enough," "he finds other women more attractive," "he's a bad person," "he must have ...

  11. Is It Normal to Have A Wandering Eye In A Relationship?

    The best thing to do about your man's wandering eye is to talk with him; it could well be the conversation you needed to reignite a spark between you that will have you keeping his gaze. Dr Lurve July 30, 2019. Facebook 0 Twitter LinkedIn 0 Reddit Tumblr Pinterest 0 0 Likes. Previous.

  12. What to Do If Your Husband Has a Wandering Eye

    What to do if your husband has a wandering eye.-----Join our mailing list and get our Top 10 Do's and Don'ts for Marriage:http://gotmf.org/top10Listen to o...

  13. How to Gracefully Handle a Boyfriend Who Has a Wandering Eye

    Step 1. Seek a second opinion. Ask a relative or a trusted friend if she also thinks your boyfriend has a wandering eye. Consider the possibility that he is simply friendly and gregarious. If you are prone to jealousy in your relationship, you could be misinterpreting his behavior. Be honest with yourself and decide if you are overreacting ...

  14. Is There A Cure For Your Boyfriend's Wandering Eye?

    When your partner has a wandering eye, it's upsetting. It feels like he's neglecting you or that he'd rather look at another (presumably more attractive) woman than focus on you. It can be a big ...

  15. How To Stop Your Wandering Eye: Every Man's Battle

    This article can be found in the excellent book, Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (The Every Man Series). It is written by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker, and is published by WaterBrook Press. This book shares the stories of dozens who have escaped the trap of sexual immorality.

  16. How to Handle Your Partner's Wandering Eye

    You've just noticed your partner noticing somebody else. Is this cause for alarm? What should you do? Here's how to counter your partners wondering eye with ...

  17. What it means when your partner has a 'wandering eye'

    The 'wandering eye' has long been a focal point of animosity among many committed couples. (It turns out the girl has a 'shocking' past. Image: Getty) "He will look over and stare until he gets ...

  18. What Your Wandering Eye In Your Relationship Says About You

    If the relationship was dark and destructive, my eye didn't wander as much mostly because I was too weary from the incessant fighting and didn't have the energy to check someone else out. But in ...

  19. 15 Signs Your Partner Has a Wandering Eye

    3 - Has your intimacy suddenly changed? When someone is cheating on you or has a wandering eye, their sexual behavior can change. They may retreat from the bedroom due to guilt over their actions. Conversely, they may ramp up the volume in the bedroom with some new techniques their side-lover introduced to them.

  20. Does your man have a wandering eye? Here are 9 reasons why

    We put a lot of time and effort into maintaining relationships with those we love. And by knowing the warning signs of a partner's wandering eye, we can address the root of the problem and correct ...

  21. Is Wandering Eye Considered Cheating? Psychology says

    If you're crossing into the "grey areas" of healthy relationship boundaries, it's time to ask yourself the tough questions. What is considered cheating behav...

  22. Handsome Men More Likely To Have Wandering Eye And Shorter Relationships

    Results revealed that men rated as more attractive were also more likely to be divorced, and more likely to have had shorter marriages. The study also sought to determine whether a person's own physical attraction would cause them to be more attracted to other people even while they were in a relationship. To do this, the team had volunteers ...

  23. How to tell if you have eye damage after viewing the eclipse

    If you're experiencing a loss of vision, altered vision or eye discomfort after viewing the eclipse, it's time to book an appointment with an eye doctor. CNN values your feedback 1.

  24. All Mars Resources

    NASA's Perseverance Mars rover captured this image of a sample cored from a rock called "Bunsen Peak" on March 11,… NASA's Curiosity Rover Reaches Gediz Vallis Channel (360 View) 360-degree panorama provided by NASA's Curiosity Mars rover. This view was captured at Gediz Vallis channel ...