horrible histories bus tour

Booking Info
Access Info

Terrible Thames

Horrible Histories proudly presents its wicked river tour of the Terrible Thames! After two terrific years, we’re sailing into 2023! So climb aboard and prepare to hear the horrible history of the most famous river in the world! Tremble in terror at the Tower! Sizzle at the Savoy! Give Cleopatra the needle! Be washed away at Westminster! Lose yourself in Lambeth! Get gobsmacked by the Globe! Hold onto your head at London Bridge and escape from Execution Dock! Take a dive with Horrible Histories into the stories of King Henry VIII, Anne Boleyn, Julius Caesar, Queen Boudicca, Jack the Ripper and Captain Kidd, in this history of the Thames with the nasty bits left in!

‘A fun, enjoyable, spirited alternative to more po-faced London tourism – may it sail on and on!’

‘A terribly good London adventure for families – it appeals to the kiddos on every level’

‘A rip-roaring, riotous sightseeing tour kids and adults will never forget!’

Customers with Access requirements will be able to purchase a full price ticket for any cruise, subject to availability. One additional carer/companion ticket will be made available free of charge, subject to availability. Please note both guests must have a valid ticket for entry. Any additional tickets required will be chargeable at the standard admission rate. To book a companion ticket please email [email protected]

VENUE INFORMATION

Terrible Thames Tours

Tower Bridge Quay is situated on the north bank of the Thames, on the east side of Tower Bridge, and immediately in front of the Tower Hotel. The pier is approx. 10 minutes walk from Tower Hill Underground station. DO NOT GO TO TOWER BRIDGE PIER!

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Underground and Train

The nearest mainline station is London Bridge, the nearest underground station is Tower HIll

The 15, and 100 are a short distance away.

The tour is a round-trip and you will disembark at Tower Bridge Quay where you joined the trip.

Our boat has heating within the interior lower deck. It does not have air conditioning as the vessel is not a new build but we have plenty of windows for fresh air.

Our top deck will always be open to customers to enjoy the amazing sights of London. However in the event of rain the performers will carry out the performance on the lower interior deck, which is fully enclosed with windows so you can also enjoy the sights of London on the Terrible Thames Tour.

Our boat has two decks. The upper deck is fully open-air with wonderful views. The lower interior deck is fully enclosed with windows to enjoy the sights on the Terrible Thames Tour.

Travelling in London can often be impacted by engineering works, strikes and other incidents on public transport that are out of our control. Please allow as much time as possible to get to your booked tour time so you are not disappointed.

Gender neutral toilet facilities are available on the lower deck of the vessel.

We do not have cloakroom facilities for the Terrible Thames cruise. There is an allocated space to store items such as prams/pushchairs and scooters on the lower deck only. These items are not permitted on the upper deck.

Our scheduled Terrible Thames cruise operates from Tower Bridge Quay (formerly St Katharine Pier) on the north bank of the Thames, east of Tower Bridge (in front of the Tower Hotel. Postcode – E1W 1LD. The pier is approximately 10 minutes walk from Tower Hill Underground Station.

There is no covered shelter on Tower Bridge Quay so please ensure you have appropriate attire to deal with the sometimes unpredictable English weather!

The tour is conducted by two actors, but unlike the Horrible Histories stage shows, they do not change into historical characters when telling the stories.

You will be meeting two characters on board the boat but unlike the Horrible Histories stage shows, the fast speed of the journey through constantly changing historical periods means the characters do not change into historical costumes.

We have a limited embark and disembark period for each Terrible Thames cruise. You should arrive in good time in order to board the vessel promptly at the time on your ticket. If you are buying tickets on the day, please allow some extra time to purchase.

The Production are working on exciting plans to introduce food and drink, so watch this space, but until then you are able to bring your own snacks and drinks onboard.

The closest car parks near Tower Bridge Quay are City Quay Car Park, E1W 1AE or London Thomas More Square, E1W 1YU. Online booking in advance is recommended. Just Park also has available spaces online in the immediate area of the pier which can be pre-booked online for your desired date.

All ages are welcome, but children under the age of 15 must be accompanied by an adult on board. Children aged 0-3 go free, if seated on the lap of a parent or guardian. However, please note the tour is best suited for children aged 5 and above.

We cannot predict passenger numbers for each cruise and length of queues will vary according to how busy each cruise is. However, boarding is swift and our host will be on site to assist whilst you are waiting to board the boat.

For security purposes we may from time to time undertake random bag searches or checks. This is done for the security of our passengers, crew and performers.

We don’t allow bikes on board, although kids’ scooters are permitted and can be stored on the lower deck.

If you think you have lost an item of property aboard the vessel, you should notify us via our social media channels. Please provide full descriptive details of your item, details of when and where it was lost, and full contact information so that we can get back in touch. Terrible Thames cannot accept responsibility for any items that may have been lost on board.

Passengers have to bring their printed ticket to board the cruise or show their ticket on a mobile device.

Access Information

As the Terrible Thames boat is not a new build we cannot offer step free access at present. A wheelchair lift and accessible bathroom facilities are in discussion to be installed. Please view our detailed accessibility information document HERE

Assistance Dogs are allowed on all Terrible Thames cruises at the Captain’s discretion. We ask you to contact the reservations team to book your ticket in advance. Please see our accessibility statement for more information and inform [email protected]

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I have a question and need to speak to customer service

Please email our customer service team on [email protected] or you can visit https://www.kxtickets.com/contact for more information.

If you purchased with another ticket provider please contact their customer service team to assist you.

Will I be dropped off where I boarded?

The tour is a round-trip and you will disembark at Tower Bridge Quay where you joined the trip.

How long is the boat trip?

The boat trip will last 45 minutes.

Are the boats heated/air conditioned?

Our boat has heating within the interior lower deck. It does not have air conditioning as the vessel is not a new build but we have plenty of windows for fresh air.

What if it is raining on the day of our trip?

Does the boat have an open deck area?

Our boat has two decks. The upper deck is fully open-air with wonderful views. The lower interior deck is fully enclosed with windows to enjoy the sights on the Terrible Thames Tour.

What if I miss my tour due to transport issues?

Travelling in London can often be impacted by engineering works, strikes and other incidents on public transport that are out of our control.

Please allow as much time as possible to get to your booked tour time so you are not disappointed.

Are there toilets on board?

Gender neutral toilet facilities are available on the lower deck of the vessel.

Is there a cloakroom on board?

Which pier does the Terrible Thames Tour sail from?

Is there shelter on the pier?

There is no covered shelter on Tower Bridge Quay so please ensure you have appropriate attire to deal with the sometimes unpredictable English weather!

Will I get to see Horrible Histories characters onboard?

The tour is conducted by two actors, but unlike the Horrible Histories stage shows, they do not change into historical characters when telling the stories.

Will the characters be in costume?

How long in advance should I arrive at the pier?

Is food and drink available to purchase?

We are working on exciting plans to introduce food and drink, so watch this space, but until then you are able to bring your own snacks and drinks onboard.

Where can I park nearby?

Is there an age restriction?

How long are the queues to board on the day?

Do you check bags?

For security purposes we may from time to time undertake random bag searches or checks. This is done for the security of our passengers, crew and performers.

Are bikes allowed on-board?

We don’t allow bikes on board, although kids’ scooters are permitted and can be stored on the lower deck.

How long is the cruise?

45 enthralling minutes!

I want to bring my dog on board with me - is this possible?

I lost something on board? Who shall I contact?

Terms and Conditions

Terms and conditions are subject to the provider you have booked your ticket with. If your ticket was purchased via our official website, terms and conditions can be found at https://www.kxtickets.com/terms-conditions

Can I buy my tickets online?

Yes, you can purchase all our ticket types on the Terrible Thames Website www.terriblethames.com

Do you accept all methods of payment?

You can pay online using VISA, MASTERCARD or AMERICAN EXPRESS.

How do I book a family ticket?

When booking please select 2 adults and 2 children or 1 adult and 1 child and the family discount will be applied automatically at checkout.

What are the ages for your ticket types?

A child ticket is for those aged 3 – 15 years of age.

A senior ticket is for those aged 65 and over.

Please note under 3’s can travel free but must be seated on a parent or guardian’s lap.

What is your refund and exchange policy?

Refund protection can be offered, details of which are here https://www.kxtickets.com/ticket-refund-protection

Can I buy tickets on the day? Do I need to book tickets in advance?

We recommend tickets are bought in advance as ticket availability on the day is not guaranteed. However, it is not compulsory to book Terrible Thames Tour in advance. These can be purchased at our dedicated pier Tower Bridge Quay (Next to Tower Bridge) on the day of travel. We request all groups 10+ are booked in advance with the reservations department prior to travel.

Are there any fees on top of the ticket prices?

We do not charge booking fees but there is a £1.50 transaction fee

Can I pay cash on the day?

We are currently not accepting cash bookings on the day, but you can purchase tickets at Tower Bridge Quay on the day using a debit/credit card.

Are you able to accommodate large groups?

We are able to accommodate public groups up to 120 on our boat.

Groups sized 10 – 30 can book online and the groups discount will automatically be applied to your tickets when you purchase them.

You can also book directly with the team at [email protected]

Can I change the date and time of my booking?

Please ensure that all information is correct at the point of purchase as tickets may not always be able to be changed. For assistance, please email [email protected]

Do I have to print out my ticket?

Passengers have to bring their printed ticket to board the cruise or show their ticket on a mobile device.

How do I get the tickets I booked online?

You will receive a confirmation email with a printable e-ticket attached as a PDF. Additionally, please write down your booking reference number. If you don’t receive the email or have a query about your booking, please contact your point of purchase.

Is it possible to claim a refund?

Tickets are non-refundable after purchase. If you have an extreme circumstance beyond your control, please email our customer service team at [email protected] Please check your refund policy of the company you purchased from.

Are your services wheelchair accessible?

What is your policy on assistance dogs?

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Terrible Thames review: the Horrible Histories boat tour

What do you get when you cross the creators of Horrible Histories with 2,000 years of drama along London’s riverbanks? The Terrible Thames boat tour, of course.

View of a sign for the Terrible Thames boat tour and the boat itself, with Tower Bridge in the background on a cloudy grey day - one of the best boat tours in London with kids

review post/contains affiliate links *

Launched in 2021, it quickly became an instant hit with families – we were invited along for a sneak preview for this Terrible Thames review, discovering tales of revolution, beheadings, pirates and the stomach-turning reason why Queen Victoria’s pleasure cruise lasted only minutes…

Joining ‘schoolboy’ Billy (whose family have been connected to pretty much every major event on the Thames) and his teacher, as we sailed from Tower Bridge to Westminster and back to Execution Dock, the pair made for a very funny double act as they whisked us through history.

The Terrible Thames tour itself only takes 45 minutes but it felt like they packed in twice that amount, including songs, just the right amount of audience participation, plus a great balance of fun and facts.

And all with the usual Horrible Histories recipe of gruesomely ridiculous, gory sound effects, plus plenty of toilet humour.

For more great London boat tours with kids , check out my pick of the best

My daughter looks at a pirate on the side of the Horrible Histories boat tour of London for our Terrible Thames review trip, with Tower Bridge in the background

Written by Terry Deary, creator of the Horrible Histories series, and the TV show’s director, Neal Foster, there were facts I hadn’t come across before (did you know there was a time capsule in the base of Cleopatra’s Needle?!).

While it’s pitched well for the young audience, the tour didn’t shy away from the difficult topics either, including slavery.

If your kids like the show, you’ll already have a good idea of what’s in store when it comes to the content though and it always stays on the right side of entertainingly educational rather than distressing.

View along the Thames including the Shard and Tower Bridge on a cloudy day, seen from our Terrible Thames tour, the Horrible Histories boat tour in London

My own eight-year-old was more upset about the stories of whaling than the swishing axe noises accompanying tales of beheading, for example.

While she often gets bored on boat trips along the river (unlike me!), this was one option which held her interest for the whole 45 minutes too.

From an adult point of view, you don’t go very far, as you travel round in a loop, but you see all the main central London sights in that round trip – including the Houses of Parliament, Tower Bridge, London Eye, HMS Belfast, the Shard and Tate Modern – before any boredom sets in.

View of the sign saying London Bridge under the bridge itself, as we cruised along the river for our Terrible Thames review tour - checking out the Horrible Histories boat tour

Along the way, there’s plenty of chance to join in the fun too, including singing a few sea shanties and taking part in some choreographed clapping.

If your kids would rather swim in the Thames than get involved, there’s no problem being a silent member of the audience, especially if you’re not too close to the front, or stay by the sides rather than along the aisle.

Having a teacher and child performing is also a great way to engage the young audience, especially when it turns out that young Billy (or Billie, depending which pair of actors you get), knows a lot of the darker history of the Thames versus the teacher’s sanitised stories straight out of textbooks.

Woman in blue cardigan shirt and trousers: One of the actors performing as the teacher on the Terrible Thames boat tour as it passes under Tower Bridge - my review of the Horrible Histories boat tour in London

At times it does feel like there’s a barrage of facts, figures and trivia to follow – another reason it’s better for slightly older ones – but realistically, even if your kids only take in half of what they hear, it’s still a lot more than the average boat tour (or history lesson!)

And as it’s crammed with the kind of memorable stories kids love – that story about Queen Victoria’s pleasure cruise? Just think what the river would have been like before the city’s famous sewers were built! – it’s easily one of my favourite things to do in London with kids.

For more ideas of the best things to do in London with kids , check out my pick of the best

Image showing a graphic of the London Eye on the Essential Guide to London with kids ebook cover, and the words 'click to buy my 33-page guide to London. Itineraries, tips and all you need to know before a visit to London with kids' linking to my the London with kids shop page

Terrible Thames review: need to know

Tickets cost from £25 for adults and from £15 for kids aged three to 15 (under-threes go free, although it’s aimed at age 5+). There are also family tickets available and you can buy gift vouchers.

The tour usually runs between early April and late October, daily during July and August, and most school holidays, otherwise at weekends only. In 2024, it’s starting on March 23 for the new season (as Easter and the Easter holidays are earlier this year)

There are several Terrible Thames tours every day, up to around nine during peak season.

There is indoor seating if the weather is bad but otherwise you’ll be in the open air on the top deck (we were far too entertained to notice the minor drizzle).

View of the Thames and the Tower of London, seen from the river

There are toilets on board, and a place to store buggies and scooters on the lower deck (these aren’t allowed on the upper deck)

The tour departs from Tower Bridge Quay near St Katherine’s Dock – it’s a short walk from the Tower of London itself (and a different pier from the other sightseeing boats along the Thames which dock at Tower Bridge pier). If you use the whatthreewords app, you’ll find the location at curiosity.pirate.rides .

For more tips on visiting London with kids, check out the Facebook group London With Kids which I help to run

Disclosure: We were given free tickets in exchange for this Terrible Thames review but all opinions are my own (and my small Horrible Histories fan). This post contains affiliate links – any purchases you make are unaffected but I may receive a small commission

Images copyright MummyTravels

Award-winning family travel blogger and mum to the mini traveller, aka Minnie. Together we've visited Europe, America, the Caribbean, Africa and Asia, tried a cruise and a road trip, and survived countless long-haul trips. London (UK) based. Serious beach habit.

Terrible Thames Tour review: A terribly good London adventure for families

Terrible Thames review London things to do in London with kids

All aboard for a fourth season of London's terribly good adventure for families! Yep, from the brains behind Horrible Histories comes this fun-packed branch of horribleness, its Horrible Histories Live on Board: Terrible Thames Tour ! We recently walked the plank to catch all the adventure, so here's our review and all the deets you need to make a splash on your next trip into London with kids .

Set sail on the Terrible Thames Tour

If you have a kid between the age of around 4-12 years then there's no getting away from their love of all things a bit gross, including Terry Deary's wildly successful Horrible Histories . So, now we've read the books, and watched the TV shows, it's time to set sail on a new kind of horrible adventure: The Terrible Thames Tour!

This hour (ish) long clipper boat tour kicks off near the Tower of London and heads down to Westminster and back while skipping the pleasantries of the usual Thames kinda tours, and instead focuses on the rather grotty, darker side of the waterway, as told via 'Billie' and her teacher, an acting duo who had us chuckling for the entire trip. The action-packed script is Written by Deary and the show’s director, Neal Foster, and it's quick, it's witty and, most importantly, filled with stench jokes, fart references and gruesome deaths which, of course, utterly appeals to the kiddos on every level. Tourists and locals alike will love the humour, the tales, the songs and, most of all, the fact that your kids will be entertained for an hour without them even realising that they're actually learning quite a lot of history along the merry way. Win, win.

What did our kids think?

Rafferty, age 12, had this to say:

"I would give the Terrible Thames Tour 10/10 because it wasn't boring like some tours and also I really liked the drink they gave me. Also it is pretty disgusting that people used to dump their pee and poo in the river! I don't think I would have liked to have gone on a boat on the Thames in those days. I also felt very sorry for the people hiding on boats from the plague and then they got the plague anyway because they forgot about the rats and the fleas on their boats. I think I am very lucky I am alive now and not then."

And Angelica, age 16:

"It was interesting and the acting was good and the actors made me laugh. I didn't know that women were tried as witches on the Thames and that was pretty awful that they died whether they were found guilty or not guilty. I was also surprised at how many people have died in the Thames: it must be very haunted!"

All the deets

When and where: Daily sailings from Tower Bridge Quay, London. Please book in advance.

Cost: Adults £25.00 (15+). Child £15.00 (4-14). Infants Free (0-3). Family & Group tickets also available.

Website: www.terriblethames.com

Anchors away and you're all set to sail: have a horribly good time, shipmates!

* Top image courtesy of Terrible Thames.

* London for Kidz were gifted tickets for this experience for the purposes of this review.

Other fun stuff to do in London

London for Kidz guide to London museums

London for Kidz guide to London theatre for kids

London for Kidz guide to the Tower of London

London for Kidz guide to farms in London

London for Kidz guide to country parks in London

London for Kidz guide to The Clink Prison Museum

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No Cancellation Charges up to 24 hours before the chosen travel date. 100% cancellation fee applied within 24 hours of travel date.

For groups of 12 or more, you may send us an inquiry at [email protected]. Although we do not guarantee bulk deals for all our tours, there are some tours for which we can offer discounted pricing. Ordinary hop-on-hop-off bus tickets are entitled to group savings. Attractions, pass items and combo tickets aren't.

Due the nature of this type of tour and varying demand, group travellers should be aware that there is no guarantee that the group will be able to travel altogether as the available seats vary from stop to stop and depends on demand each day. The group may need to split up and/or wait for the next bus(s).

As, we cannot guarantee that the group shall be able to travel together as one group, therefore we will reduce the group size down to 4-5 smaller groups per ticket (depending upon group size).

City Sightseeing: Edinburgh Hop-On, Hop-Off Bus Tour

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Select Date, Travellers and Ticket

Special Offer: upto 3 Kids Go Free! per adult ticket. Limited Offer!
Start your journey at Waterloo Place for a seamless bus tour experience.
Visit Grassmarket, the historic marketplace in the heart of Edinburgh's Old Town.
Explore the National Museum of Scotland on Chambers Street.
Discover the medieval charm of John Knox House dating back to the 15th century.
Explore scenic spots like Canongate, Holyrood, and Our Dynamic Earth.
Smartphone Voucher Accepted! No need to print.

Join on a City sightseeing hop on hop off bus tour starting at Waterloo Place, where you will be amazed by the Edinburgh's cultural and heritage gems. From the vibrant Grassmarket to the historic John Knox House, the journey unfolds through medieval architecture and iconic landmarks. Take leisurely strolls along Canongate and Holyrood, or delve into the wonders of science at Our Dynamic Earth.

Red Route: First Bus: 08:45am, Last Bus: 05:57pm Loop: 60 Minutes Frequency: 12-15 Minutes 25th December (Christmas Day): the tour operates from 10am - 3pm every 20 minutes 31st December (New Year's Eve): the tour operates from 9am - 3pm every 30 minutes 1st January 2024 (New Year's Day): the tour operates from 11am - 4pm every 30 minutes

24 Hours Edinburgh Hop On Hop Off Bus Ticket
Upto 3 Kids Go Free! per adult ticket
Audio guide in English, Spanish, French, German, Italian, Japanese, Chinese, Portuguese, Russian, Kids Commentary
Free Wi-Fi on board
Discounts to access local attractions
Special kids "Horrible Histories" commentary
Hotel Transfers
Entrance Fees

Redemption Info

The first stop is located at Waterloo Place , but you can hop on or hop off the tour at any of the stops along the route. Voucher can be exchanged directly with the driver on board. Mobile vouchers and Printed vouchers are accepted at all stops. You will receive a ticket in exchange for your voucher, which you must keep until the expiry date/ tour. Please check your ticket to know when it expires. After exchanging your voucher for a ticket, your voucher will no longer be valid. In loss of voucher/ticket, company is not liable for any refund. Flexible Ticket: Your voucher is valid for 12 months from the date of purchase.

Know Before You Go

Useful downloads, cancellation policy, other edinburgh bus tours.

Edinburgh Bus Tours: Hop-On, Hop-Off City Bus (Choose Any One)

Bright Bus Tours: Edinburgh City Hop-On, Hop-Off Bus Tour

Edinburgh Bus Tours: Grand Hop-On, Hop-Off Bus Tour (Incl. 3 Tours)

Bright Bus Tours: Edinburgh City and Britannia Hop-On, Hop-Off Bus Tour

Royal Edinburgh Ticket - Hop On Hop Off & Attraction Ticket

Bright Bus Tours: Britannia Hop-On, Hop-Off Bus Tour

Customer reviews.

Great experience! Read More

Great experience!

Thank you for your valuable feedback. Happy to hear your thoughts. It is always interesting to see what our travelers think of our service.

Great opportunity to see the Edinburgh city in comfort. Very flexible tour hop on and off.

Easy to book! and flexible ticket gave us full flexibility to use this ticket any day in next one year.

Very good - this tour gave us a chance to see Edinburgh with different prospective.

Great activity to do in Edinburgh. You get to see all around Edinburgh and get on and off at your convenience. Even bett... Read More

Great activity to do in Edinburgh. You get to see all around Edinburgh and get on and off at your convenience. Even better that we found out we could use 2 other buses with this ticket and that they lasted for 24 hours. Very much worth it!

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Looking for somewhere to relax while taking the time to plan your adventures in the city? Look no further...

Our TourHub at Waterloo Place is the perfect place to chat with our team members about the best tour options, browse ticket packages, pick up some merchandise and even grab a snack or refreshment to fuel up ahead of your excursion.

TourHub Opening Hours | Monday to Sunday | 0830 - 1600 hrs

Even better, our TourHubs have live departure times available so you can take a seat and recharge while waiting on your tour bus, which leaves from directly across the street! With toilet and baby changing facilities, our fully-accessible TourHub will make sure you get your day off to the best possible start.

Pop into Waterloo TourHub and see for yourself why Edinburgh Bus Tours has been awarded Visit Scotland 5-star status!

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Horrible Histories - Terrible Tudors

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Thu 10 Apr Horrible Histories: Terrible Tudors @ 10:30AM ATG Tickets View tickets
Fri 11 Apr Horrible Histories: Terrible Tudors @ 6:30PM ATG Tickets View tickets
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