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Tour Guide Jokes: Hilarious Quips to Keep Travelers Chuckling

David Ciccarelli

January 19, 2024

Laughter isn’t just good medicine; it’s the universal currency of connection. Picture this: you’re a tour guide, and your group is hanging onto every word, not because they have to, but because they’re eagerly anticipating the next chuckle. Well-timed tour guide jokes can turn a mundane fact into a memorable moment, creating an experience that guests will recall long after the vacation is over.

Remember, the art of injecting humor into your tours isn’t just about having a repertoire of knock-knock jokes. It requires the finesse of a stand-up comedian, understanding the pulse of your audience, and delivering content that resonates. As a tour guide, you have the unique power to transform a sightseeing trip into a journey filled with laughter, learning, and good spirits. Practice might not make perfect, but it’ll certainly make you funnier, ensuring every tour you lead brims with smiles and infectious laughter.

Tour Guide Jokes: Crafting Humor

In mastering the art of the guided tour, remember: laughter can be your sidekick. Dishing out well-timed jokes can transform a typical tour into an unforgettable journey. When aiming for a giggle or a guffaw from your passengers aboard the tour bus, here are some quick tips to keep in mind:

Know Your Audience : Before unleashing your comedic genius, gauge the crowd. Tailor your humor to suit different cultures and sensitivities.
Timing is Key : A well-placed punchline after an intriguing fact can turn smiles into full-blown laughter.
Truth Be Told : Authenticity resonates. Spin your humor around true, yet quirky, aspects of your tour stops.
Embrace the Unexpected : Surprise your group by taking a familiar situation and adding an amusing twist.
Practice Makes Perfect : Regularly refine your delivery and comic timing—every tour is a new opportunity.

Keep these strategies in your repertoire:

Remember, everyone loves a guide who can find the funny in the mundane. By infusing your tours with humor, you won’t just share knowledge, you’ll create joyous memories for your travelers.

Crafting Humorous Tour Guide Scripts

Mastering the art of narrative.

Engaging tours start with compelling storytelling. Enhance your guide arsenal with humor and captivating tales. Picture your audience as close friends, eager to experience your journey. The more you share, the better you become at painting vivid scenarios and delivering punchlines with impact. Remember, a good story invites laughter as naturally as shared memories with friends.

Self-Deprecation: Your Secret Weapon

Nobody can resist a bit of self-mockery. By gently roasting yourself, you become endearing and relatable. Kick off tours with some good-natured self-deprecation. It’s not about making yourself the subject of every joke, but showing confidence to laugh at yourself sets a friendly tone for the tour.

The Art of the Unexpected

Introduce a twist in your tales that takes listeners by surprise. Build up a story with two believable points, and toss in a zinger for the third. Comedy’s rule of three is magic; your audience expects one thing and gets another. This technique can create an infectious ripple of laughter, leaving guests delighted by the unexpected turn.

Stretch the Truth for a Laugh

Embellishing details can transport your crowd from a gentle chuckle to a hearty guffaw. Set the scene, get them comfortable, and then exaggerate a point to absurdity. The key is to keep them on the edge of their seats until the big reveal.

Spontaneity with Your Spectators

Improvisation keeps a tour fresh and exciting. Be ready to adapt and throw in an off-the-cuff remark. Maybe share a humorous tidbit from a past tour or react to the moment. With every risk comes the chance of a big comedic payoff.

Engaging Your Audience

Turn tour goers from passive listeners to active participants. Make your narrative interactive; a shared joke or a playful tease can bridge the distance between guide and guest. Take a note from stand-up comedians: keep a set of go-to quips for a consistently lively experience.

Remember, while statistics and scripted jokes have their place, the spontaneous moments often make for the most memorable tours. Keep it lively, keep it fun, and most importantly, keep it real. Your guests will thank you for a tour they’ll never forget.

Amusing Tour Guide Quips

When you’re ushering visitors around, your way with words can truly elevate the experience. Imagine being on a solemn trek across a cemetery and you light up the atmosphere by saying, “Keep the noise down, people are dying to get in here.” Now that’s a game-changer in storytelling – and it’s all about the flawless timing.

Tour guides often have a treasure trove of one-liners and anecdotes. Here’s a platter of what you might hear that tickles the funny bone:

Riddles : “What kind of room has no doors or windows? A mushroom! Welcome to the fungi forest of Ohio , folks!
Knock-Knock Jokes : “Knock-knock! Who’s there? Hawaii . Hawaii who? I’m fine, Hawaii you?”
Sheep Puns for the Win : As you pass by a pasture in New York , “What do you call a dancing sheep? A baa-llroom dancer!”

Expect to hear punchy humor like:

For the history buffs in Vatican City: “The Magna Carta was really not that big. It was more like a Medium Carta.”
In the Potomac River: “Did you know President Lincoln was a great wrestler? He had a very impressive ‘log’ record!”

Creative guides toss in cultural zingers, too:

On the Italian streets: “Don’t worry if we get lost…we’ll just pasta time until we find our way.”
In China: “Avoid the Great Wall… it’s just another ‘barrier’ to fun.”

And of course, every tour could use some animal humor:

On a safari: “Did I mention the hip-hurt-potamus? He’s limping because he has jokes backing up his sense of humor.”

Timing as a Funny Tour Guide

Right off the bat, when you kick off a tour, it’s your showtime—time to gauge your crowd’s giggle-meter. Remember, humor’s a tricky beast, and not all jokes land the same way with everyone.

Be Prepared: Have a quiver of stories and jokes ready to draw from and adapt them on the fly based on your audience’s reactions.
Relate to Visitors: Ask where they’re hailing from—this can spark some spontaneous repartee.
Commit to the Punchline: Serve up jokes with confidence, and give them room to breathe. Let the laughter roll before moving on.
Forge a Connection: Shared chuckles can unify the group, creating a buffer against unforeseen hiccups.

Concluding Reflections

Learning the craft of humor can be a delightful journey. Did you know that research suggests laughter can enhance recall? Your efforts to tickle the funny bones of your guests might just cement you in their memories. It’s not just about the chuckles; it’s about crafting experiences they’ll rush to share online, potentially earning you those coveted stars.

Embrace the trial and error; it’s through the authentic attempts that you’ll discover what truly engages your audience. And remember, even a simple quip can turn an ordinary tour into an extraordinary adventure. Just think, a well-timed joke about why you can’t be buried in a cemetery across the street—”because you’re still living!”—might just be the playful twist your tour needs.

Essential Questions for Prospective Tour Guides

Experience : Have you led tours before?
Flexibility : Can you handle on-the-fly itinerary changes?
Knowledge : Are you familiar with local history and culture?
Personality : Could you entertain a group for hours?

Remember, the right question can be the difference between a tour guide who just goes through the motions and one who makes every tour memorable. Your perfectly crafted queries could lead you to the tour guide who turns a rainy day into a story of epic adventure!

Frequently Asked Questions

Witty one-liners for your tour.

Who says history has to be dry? Spice up your tour dialogue with some zesty one-liners. For instance, standing before an ancient artifact, you might quip, “This relic is so old, it makes the antique show look like a newborn’s wardrobe!”

Cracking a Joke at Historical Sites

Timing is everything when you’re delivering a punchline amidst the echos of history. A light-hearted approach, like “Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space !” can complement the grandeur of historic monuments without upstaging them.

Family-Safe Jokes for Everyone to Enjoy

Keep it clean and keep them keen! For a family audience, you might say, “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!” ensuring a giggle without any blushed cheeks.

Humorous Stories for Campus Tours

Navigating a college tour can be as amusing as the stories you tell. Share a chuckle with prospective students by saying, “Our library is so quiet, even the books are too hushed to tell their stories!”

Balancing Humor with Respect

When you weave humor into your narrative, walk the line carefully. A joke like, “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!” is light enough to amuse without offending your audience.

Joke Boundaries for Professional Tour Guides

Protect your professionalism with jokes that won’t crumble under scrutiny. Steer clear of anything politically charged or potentially insensitive. Remember, “A good tour guide is like a good book: well-thumbed and full of great tales, but never offensive to the reader!”

administrator

David Ciccarelli, is the Founder and CEO of Lake. He is based in Toronto, Canada, and is an expert in management, business administration, strategy, product development, and customer experience. His educational achievements include the Owner President Management Program at Harvard Business School (2019-2022) and the QuantumShift Program at Ivey Business School in 2017, aimed at CEOs of growing businesses.

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240+ Tour guide jokes – Funny, Short, Dirty, Long…

| 25 July 2024

Share a laugh !

Why did the tour guide bring a ladder to work? Because they wanted to give their tourists a step-by-step experience!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite type of music? Rock and stroll!
Why did the tour guide become a comedian? Because they always knew how to lead people with a laugh!
How does a tour guide part their hair? In landmarks!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite type of footwear? Flip-flops – they’re always ready to take people on a journey!
Why did the tour guide always carry a map? In case they lost their bearings!
How do tour guides communicate in the wild? Through “tour-ist” signals!
Why was the tour guide always calm during emergencies? Because they knew how to keep things under “tour control”!
What did the tour guide say to the mountain? “You peak my interest!”
Why did the tour guide bring a chef on the trip? Because they wanted to spice up the tour!
How do tour guides keep their relationships strong? They always know the best routes to each other’s hearts!
Why was the tour guide such a great storyteller? Because they always knew how to “guide” the narrative!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite fairy tale? “Hansel and Tour-edal.”
Why was the tour guide afraid of the ocean? Because it had too many “wave-lengths”!
What do you call a group of tour guides? A sightseeing squad!
Why was the tour guide always the life of the party? Because they knew all the best “destinations”!
Why did the tour guide carry a stopwatch? To make sure they never ran out of time on the tour!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite snack? Trail mix – it’s always on the go!
Why did the tour guide bring a telescope? To give their tourists a “stellar” experience!
How do tour guides handle a tough crowd? They lead by example and “show” them a good time!
Why did the tour guide carry a suitcase full of breadcrumbs? To leave a trail of “tour-ist” crumbs!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite dance move? The “sight-seeing shuffle”!
Why don’t tour guides ever get lost? Because they always know where they’re “going”!
What do you call a tour guide who loves desserts? A “sweet-seer”!
Why was the tour guide always so confident? Because they knew they had the “tour”chlight to success!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite social media platform? Instagram – they love to show off their “insta-worthy” destinations!
Why did the tour guide become a gardener? Because they had a knack for “planting” memories!
How does a tour guide keep their cool? They’re always chillin’ with their “cool-tour” bag!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite superhero? “Tour-man” – they save the day with amazing trips!
Why did the tour guide wear sunglasses? Because their future was too bright with all those amazing destinations!
What did the tour guide say to the skeptical tourist? “Trust me, I’ve never led anyone ‘astray’!”
Why did the tour guide become a DJ? Because they knew how to spin a good yarn about every destination!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite mode of transportation? The “sight-seeing segway”!
Why did the tour guide bring a map to the desert? In case they got “sand-stranded”!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite movie? “The Tour-nado” – it’s always an adventure!
Why did the tour guide bring a pillow to work? For those “rest stops” during the tour!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite fruit? “Tour-nips” – they’re always ripe for exploration!
Why was the tour guide always so calm? Because they knew every twist and “turn” of the journey!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite board game? “Tour-opoly” – they always dominate the tourist attractions!
Why did the tour guide start a band? Because they knew how to “rock” every destination!
Why did the tour guide carry a mirror? So they could reflect on their impeccable guiding skills!
How does a tour guide handle a tricky situation? With a map and a “tour” de force!
Why was the tour guide always so punctual? Because they knew every “second” of the tour counted!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite mathematical concept? Geometry – they love to “angle” the tour just right!
Why did the tour guide bring a thesaurus? To ensure they always had the perfect “wordplay” for every landmark!
How does a tour guide stay organized? By keeping everything in “tour-nament” order!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite Shakespeare play? “Tour-lio and Juliet” – it’s a timeless classic!
Why was the tour guide such a great comedian? Because they knew how to “tour-n” any situation into a joke!
What do you call a tour guide who loves puzzles? A “tour-decipher”!
Why did the tour guide become a detective? Because they were always good at “sight-investigating”!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite season? “Tour-ist season” – it’s always bustling with activity!
Why did the tour guide carry a notebook? To jot down all the “landmark” moments!
How does a tour guide greet their tourists? With a “tour-iffic” smile!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite art movement? “Impressionism” – they love to leave lasting impressions on their tourists!
Why did the tour guide become a poet? Because they had a way with “tour-ning” phrases!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite word? “Exploration” – it’s the essence of their job!
Why did the tour guide bring a camera? To capture all the “tour-iffic” memories!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite type of joke? The ones with the best “tour-n” of phrase!
Why was the tour guide always so calm under pressure? Because they knew how to “tour-n” a crisis into an adventure!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite subject in school? “Geography” – it’s like a tour guide’s playground!
Why did the tour guide always carry a compass? To stay on the right “tour”n!
What did the tour guide say to the lost group? “Let’s take a detour for adventure!”
Why did the tour guide bring a umbrella? In case of “tour”rential rain!
How does a tour guide navigate through life? With a keen sense of “direction”!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite ice cream flavor? “Tour-amisu”!
Why did the tour guide bring a suitcase full of jokes? To ensure a “tour” of laughter!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite part of a joke? The “punch-tour” line!
Why was the tour guide always so confident? Because they knew all the “tour-n” points!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite movie genre? “Tour-nado” films – they’re whirlwind adventures!
Why did the tour guide become a baker? Because they loved to “tour-te” people with tasty treats!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite holiday? “Tour-ist season” – it’s their busiest time of the year!
Why did the tour guide bring a telescope to work? To give tourists a “tour” of the stars!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite type of joke? The ones with a “tour-de-force” punchline!
Why was the tour guide always so organized? Because they knew how to “tour-n” chaos into order!
What do you call a tour guide with a sense of humor? A “tour-de-comedy”!
Why did the tour guide always carry a dictionary? To add some “tour-n” of phrase to their commentary!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite type of music? “Tour-ntables” – they love spinning tracks during tours!
Why was the tour guide always the center of attention? Because they knew how to “tour-n” heads!
What’s a tour guide’s favorite type of sandwich? A “tour-key” – it’s packed with flavor!
Why did the tour guide bring a camera to work? To capture all the “tour-iffic” moments!
Why did the tour guide take up gardening? Because he wanted to give his tours a little more ‘root’ charm.
What did the tour guide say when asked about his favorite punctuation mark? “The exclamation point, because it really helps to ‘point’ out the excitement of our destinations!”
Why did the tour guide bring a ladder to the tour? Because he heard the sights were ‘highly’ recommended!
What did the tour guide do when he lost his map? He had to ‘navigate’ by the stars… and a little bit of guesswork!
Why did the tour guide bring a mirror on the tour? So everyone could see themselves reflected in the beauty of the sights!
What did the tour guide say about the ancient ruins? “They may be old, but they’ve got a lot of ‘history’ behind them!”
Why did the tour guide start a band? Because he wanted to lead the ‘tour’ in a different way!
What did the tour guide say when asked about his favorite type of tree? “The ‘tour’quoise tree, of course! It’s always ready for an adventure.”
Why did the tour guide get a pet parrot? So it could ‘echo’ his tour commentary for him!
What did the tour guide say when asked about his favorite season? “Tourist season, of course! That’s when I’m at my peak performance!”
Why did the tour guide always carry a backpack full of jokes? Because he believed laughter was the best ‘path’ to enjoying the journey!
What did the tour guide say about the famous statue? “It’s not just a statue, it’s a ‘tour de force’ of art and culture!”
Why did the tour guide become a poet? Because he wanted to ‘verse’ visitors in the beauty of each destination!
What did the tour guide say when asked about his favorite book? “The ‘tour’nament of books, where every page takes you on an adventure!”
Why did the tour guide bring a magnifying glass to the tour? So everyone could ‘zoom in’ on the details of the sights!
What did the tour guide say when asked about his favorite dessert? “Touramisu, because it’s as layered and delightful as our tours!”
Why did the tour guide dress up as a pirate? Because he wanted to ‘seas’ the day and give the tour a swashbuckling twist!
What did the tour guide say about the foggy weather? “It just adds a little ‘myst’ery to the tour, don’t you think?”
Why did the tour guide bring a tape measure on the tour? So he could ‘measure up’ the excitement of each attraction!
What did the tour guide say about the old castle? “It’s not just bricks and mortar, it’s a ‘tour de castle’ of history and legend!”
Why did the tour guide take his pet dinosaur on the tour? Because it was a ‘dino’mite way to make history come alive!
What did the tour guide say to the group of ducklings on the tour? “Follow me, quackly! We’re about to embark on a quack-tastic adventure!”
Why did the tour guide bring a magic wand on the tour? So he could make boredom disappear and turn every moment into an enchanting experience!
What did the tour guide say when asked about his favorite superhero? “The ‘Tour’nado! He’s always spinning tales of adventure!”
Why did the tour guide wear a cape during the tour? Because every guide needs a little ‘super’power to make the journey unforgettable!
What did the tour guide say about the giant tree? “It’s not just a tree, it’s a towering ‘tour-ific’ landmark!”
Why did the tour guide bring a treasure map on the tour? Because he heard there were hidden treasures waiting to be discovered along the way!
What did the tour guide say about the mysterious cave? “It’s not just dark and spooky, it’s a ‘cave’rn of wonders waiting to be explored!”
Why did the tour guide tell jokes during the tour? Because laughter is the best ‘path’ to enjoying the journey!
What did the tour guide say about the ancient ruins? “They’re like giant puzzles waiting for us to uncover their secrets! Let’s explore!”
Why did the tour guide dress up as a pirate? Because every good adventure needs a swashbuckling captain to lead the way!
What did the tour guide say about the bubbling hot spring? “It’s like nature’s own jacuzzi! Who’s ready for a dip?”
Why did the tour guide bring a telescope on the tour? So everyone could ‘zoom in’ on the wonders of the universe!
What did the tour guide say about the famous statue? “It’s not just a statue, it’s a work of art that tells a thousand stories!”
Why did the tour guide carry a backpack full of snacks? Because exploring is hungry work, and every adventurer needs fuel!
What did the tour guide say about the rainbow-colored waterfall? “It’s not just water falling, it’s a magical cascade of colors!”
Why did the tour guide start a band? Because he believed every journey could use a little musical accompaniment!
What did the tour guide say about the old castle? “It’s not just a castle, it’s a fortress of imagination where knights and dragons once roamed!”
Why did the tour guide bring a giant bubble wand on the tour? Because sometimes the best way to see the world is through a bubble-filled lens!
What did the tour guide say about the windy cliff? “Hold onto your hats, folks! We’re about to experience nature’s own rollercoaster!”
Why did the tour guide bring a compass on the tour? So he could navigate through both the sights and the complexities of adulting!
What did the tour guide say when asked about his favorite cocktail? “The ‘Tour’quila Sunrise, because every sunrise is a new adventure waiting to happen!”
Why did the tour guide start a book club? Because he believed that exploring different worlds through literature was the ultimate journey!
What did the tour guide say about the bustling city streets? “It’s not just traffic, it’s the rhythm of urban life pulsating through the veins of the city!”
Why did the tour guide bring a map of the stars on the tour? So he could point out both the constellations and the hidden wonders of the universe!
What did the tour guide say about the romantic sunset view? “It’s not just a sunset, it’s nature’s way of painting the sky with love and passion!”
Why did the tour guide bring a picnic basket on the tour? Because nothing says relaxation like enjoying good food amidst breathtaking scenery!
What did the tour guide say about the hidden speakeasy? “It’s not just a bar, it’s a secret oasis where you can sip on history and mystery!”
Why did the tour guide start a wine-tasting tour? Because he believed in the art of savoring life’s finer things, one sip at a time!
What did the tour guide say about the rugged mountain trail? “It’s not just a hike, it’s a journey of self-discovery and conquering personal peaks!”
Why did the tour guide bring a telescope on the tour? So he could help guests explore both the far-off horizons and the depths of their own dreams!
What did the tour guide say about the ancient ruins? “They’re not just remnants of the past, they’re echoes of civilizations waiting to be heard and understood!”
Why did the tour guide bring a journal on the tour? So he could capture the moments and memories that make each journey unique!
What did the tour guide say about the vibrant street art? “It’s not just graffiti, it’s an expression of culture and creativity thriving in the heart of the city!”
Why did the tour guide start a gourmet food tour? Because he believed that the way to a traveler’s heart was through their taste buds!
What did the tour guide say about the bustling market? “It’s not just a place to shop, it’s a symphony of flavors and aromas dancing in the air!”
Why did the tour guide bring a deck of cards on the tour? So he could show guests that sometimes the best adventures happen when you shuffle the deck!
What did the tour guide say about the secluded beach? “It’s not just sand and surf, it’s a sanctuary where you can wash away your worries and soak in serenity!”
Why did the tour guide bring a camera on the tour? So he could capture the moments that words alone couldn’t do justice!
What did the tour guide say about the scenic overlook? “It’s not just a view, it’s a glimpse into the endless possibilities that await on the horizon!”
Why did the tour guide bring a ladder on the tour? Because he heard the sights were ‘uplifting’!
What did the tour guide say about the ancient ruins? “They’re so old, even the rocks have started to feel ‘prehistoric’!”
Why did the tour guide bring a map on the tour? Because he didn’t want to ‘wander’ off into dad joke territory!
What did the tour guide say about the winding river? “It’s like life, always taking unexpected ‘turns’!”
Why did the tour guide bring a magnifying glass on the tour? So he could ‘zoom in’ on the details!
What did the tour guide say about the tall skyscraper? “It’s not just tall, it’s ‘sky’-larious how high it goes!”
Why did the tour guide start a garden tour? Because he wanted to ‘plant’ the seeds of knowledge!
What did the tour guide say about the foggy weather? “It’s not just mist, it’s a ‘mist’-erious atmosphere!”
Why did the tour guide bring a map of the stars? Because he wanted to make sure everyone had a ‘stellar’ time!
What did the tour guide say about the crowded market? “It’s not just busy, it’s ‘market’edly chaotic!”
Why did the tour guide bring a book of jokes? Because he believed laughter was the best ‘path’ to enjoying the journey!
What did the tour guide say about the scenic overlook? “It’s not just a view, it’s ‘view’tiful!”
Why did the tour guide bring a picnic basket? Because he heard the tour was going to be ‘food for thought’!
What did the tour guide say about the old castle? “It’s not just a castle, it’s a ‘moat’-ivating piece of history!”
Why did the tour guide start a photography tour? Because he wanted to ‘capture’ the essence of each destination!
What did the tour guide say about the rocky terrain? “It’s not just rough, it’s rock ‘n’ roll!”
Why did the tour guide bring a compass? Because he wanted to make sure the tour was always heading in the right ‘direction’!
What did the tour guide say about the bustling city streets? “It’s not just noisy, it’s ‘street’-tacular!”
Why did the tour guide bring a telescope? So everyone could ‘see’ the sights clearly!
What did the tour guide say about the waterfall? “It’s not just water falling, it’s ‘flow’-tastic!”
Why did the tour guide bring a ladder on the tour? Because he wanted to ‘climb’ to new heights of cheesiness!
What did the tour guide say about the famous statue? “It’s not just stone, it’s ‘gouda’-licious sculpture!”
Why did the tour guide start a cheese-tasting tour? Because he believed in the power of ‘cheddar-ing’ memories!
What did the tour guide say about the winding river? “It’s not just water, it’s a ‘brie’-zy adventure!”
Why did the tour guide bring a map of constellations? So he could ‘crack’ the cheesy jokes under the stars!
What did the tour guide say about the foggy weather? “It’s not just mist, it’s ‘feta’-stic ambiance!”
Why did the tour guide bring a picnic basket? Because every good tour deserves a ‘grate’ spread!
What did the tour guide say about the ancient ruins? “They’re not just old, they’re ‘aged’ to perfection like fine cheese!”
Why did the tour guide bring a magnifying glass? So everyone could ‘melt’ under the cheesy jokes!
What did the tour guide say about the crowded market? “It’s not just busy, it’s ‘cheddar’-ful chaos!”
Why did the tour guide bring a book of jokes? Because he believed in the power of ‘cheese’ to make people smile!
What did the tour guide say about the scenic overlook? “It’s not just a view, it’s ‘gouda’-licious scenery!”
Why did the tour guide start a photography tour? Because he wanted to ‘capture’ the cheesiest moments!
What did the tour guide say about the old castle? “It’s not just historic, it’s ‘gruyere’-at!”
Why did the tour guide bring a compass? So he could always find his way to the ‘cheddar’!
What did the tour guide say about the bustling city streets? “It’s not just noisy, it’s ‘havarti’-ing!”
Why did the tour guide bring a telescope? So everyone could ‘see’ the cheesy sights from afar!
What did the tour guide say about the waterfall? “It’s not just water falling, it’s ‘blue’-tiful like blue cheese!”
Why did the tour guide bring a ladder? So he could ‘ascend’ to cheesy pun heaven!
What did the tour guide say about the rocky terrain? “It’s not just rough, it’s ‘grate’-ful for a cheesy adventure!”

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January 16, 2022

Today’s Tour Guide Training? How to be a funny tour guide and how to give a funny tour.

Being funny is one of those traits that many incredible tour guides seem to share. You don’t have to be funny to be a great guide, but a well-placed joke or a good-hearted jab can really make your tour a lot more fun.

People love laughing, being surprised and hearing about absurd people and places. A great tour is ultimately a form of entertainment and it is worth it to figure out how you can incorporate humour into your experience.

Luckily, there are lots of ways to be funny, but unluckily, there is nothing less funny than someone trying too hard to tell jokes.

My strategy today is as follows:

Check out the above video for some tips on writing jokes and creating humour on your tour.
On YouTube I’ve found a tremendously funny English tour guide named Beefeater Bill. His tour lasts just under an hour, but is a great example of a tour guide being hilarious.

To connect with ‘Beefeater’ Bill Callaghan you can use the links below for his website and Twitter account!

http://www.beefeaterbill.com

https://twitter.com/intent/user?screen_name=BillyBeefeater

Click below to share today’s QnA tweetable:

Being funny is mostly telling the truth about things -Bernard Sahlins via @beabetterguide

Finished Watching?

In the comments let me know how you are funny on tour? What have you found is the best way to write jokes and what did you think about Beefeater Bill’s tour?

Transcript:

Hi, everyone. This is Kelsey from beabetterguide.com and welcomes to our community Q&A. Hopefully, we still got some Americans with us.

So, you’re here, probably wanting how you can be a little bit more fun on tour or incorporate some humour into tours that you give. Now, being funny is a skill that’s great to have if you’re a tour guide, but it’s really not an easy one to master.

So, here’s what I was thinking of doing today. After doing some research, I found the videos below of a complete tour, the Tower of London. The tour is given by Beefeater Bill, Bill Callaghan is the Yeoman of the Guard and gives the tour at the Tower of London.

Now, these videos went a little bit viral a few years back and collectively, they’ve earned over a million views mostly because he’s downright hilarious. He puts on this really tough military demeanour that you wouldn’t expect from a tour guide.

So, if you’re looking for a little inspiration, I would highly recommend watching these videos below. But while you’re doing it, here are three things to consider when you’re trying to be funny on tour.

“Most good jokes state some bitter truth,” said the scriptwriter, Larry Gelbart. And without some fundamental basis in truth, most jokes will tend to fall flat.

So, a great example from Beefeater Bill’s tour is when he’s talking about how executioners would mount the head, severed heads on spikes and put them on London Bridge, and this was a warning to would-be traitors and also served as a form of an early bird feeder.

This gets super gross, but it gets a chuckle from people because there is some truth to this joke.

Surprise is one of the primary reasons why people laugh and therefore, it’s one of the most successful building blocks for a good joke.

To paraphrase Gene Perret, he wrote that comedy is like mentally pulling the rug out from under your audience.

But first, you have to fool them, you have to get them to stand on the rug and if they see you getting ready to pull the rug, then they’ll just step off.

So, for example from Bill. He uses this simple misdirection when he says, “Would you like to hear about a bad execution or really bad execution?” And this gets a chuckle from people because they’re expecting him to offer better alternatives.

Another important building block for humor is an exaggeration and the absurd. The whole premise of Beefeater Bill’s tour is shtick if you will.

He’s laughably absurd. Basically that these people have come, they’ve paid good money and they want a top-quality tour guide, and he is tossing out all the normal customer service sort of things, sort of berating them as new recruits into the army.

So, that even itself is quite funny, and part of it I think is why he’s able to pull it off.

Another absurd thing that happens on the tour is at one point he starts talking about his marital status. He starts joking “Oh, how hard it is to find a lady living here in the Tower of London. I guess he lives on site.”

And this also gets big laughs from people because normally this is something that’s way out of line for a tour guide to do, but it kind of shows that he’s able to laugh at himself and is able to pull it off. Whenever you’re making jokes on a tour, you are taking a bit of a risk.

So, you could play it ultra-conservatively, not have any jokes, and make sure you don’t offend anybody. But in my opinion, this is a risk worth taking.

You’ll find the jokes that make most people laugh, you’ll learn ones that don’t work, you know, that you’re going to have to upset a few people here and there.

But in the end, that’s going to be worth it. It’s going to make for a much more interesting tour and you will find humor that’s your style.

And so, for today’s tweetable, “Being funny is mostly telling the truth about things. –Bernard Sahlins.” So share the tweetable if you’re inspired or like and share this video.

In the comments below, let me know how you are funny on tour, how do you write jokes, whether have you found a method that works, and what you think of Beefeater Bill’s funny tour below. Thanks so much for being here. I’ll see you next time.

Branding, Marketing, and Storytelling for Tour Operators

This week, we’ll explore the often-misunderstood difference between branding and marketing, walk you through creating effective brand guidelines, and introduce you to the StoryBrand framework—a powerful tool that complements our Guest Focus formula and VIP Marketing Method™.

Tour Business Marketing Funnel: The VIP Marketing Method™ Across the 5 Stages of Travel

Let’s dive into how the VIP Marketing Method™, combined with Google’s Five Stages of Travel, can help you both put some ease and structure into your marketing but also meet your guests exactly where they are in their buying journey.

The Guest Focus VIP Marketing Method™: Revolutionizing Tour Operator Marketing

This strategy will help you achieve the growth, profitability, and financial freedom you deserve while building a purpose-driven, guest-centric business that makes a lasting impact on the individuals and communities you serve.

A GUEST FOCUSED APPROACH: LEARN FROM THE EXPERTS

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The Pope decides to take a cross-country tour across America, beginning in California and ending in New York.

A couple is taking a tour through the natural history museum. they ask the tour guide: "how old is this dinosaur skeleton", an admiral is touring a submarine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The guys were on a bike tour. ...

Obama, queen elizabeth and vladimir putin all died and, as former world leaders, were being given a tour of hell, [nsfw] a doctor is giving a tour of a local hospital, they currently think the person who ruined the tour de france might have been german., the queen of england is taking a tour of an american hospital when she spots a patient furiously masturbating through an open door., after watching the tour de france for several years running, a guy decides that he's going to get into cycling., who won the first tour de france, the first lady was touring a hospital one day., i once toured an mental asylum..., (from another irish tour guide:) jameson's is a fine whiskey--, the president was touring a local hospital one day., a guy sees a lamp, rubs it, and a genie comes out. the genie is so happy that he decides to grant one wish. the guy thinks about it and says "i want to be a powerful man in the world, and have a beautiful wife", a couple of tourists are taking a tour of moscow., the queen was touring a hospital, it is january 2017, and barack obama is giving donald trump a tour of the white house..., did you hear that awolnation is going on tour, (heard from an irish tour guide:) "the fella that invented the crossword is buried in that cemetery over there.", i’m a tour guide at a museum, and when i told a group that the fossil they were looking at was 65 million years and 3 weeks old, they asked me where the 3 weeks came from., a young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in arkansas. with his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting:, tiger woods on a golf tour in ireland, a captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. on his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks., a texas farmer was touring england. he happened to meet an english farmer and asked him, "what size farm do you have", a young seminarian gets a tour of the church…, you can get a tour from the museum director, but..., i went on a tour of stalactites and stalagmites, and the tour guide said 'please don't crack one off', as i get older and remember all the people i've lost along the way, i think to myself..., a man got sent down to hell and the devil offered him a tour of three rooms., what’s the difference btw an onion and an englishman, a museum tour guide told his visitor group that their t-rex skeleton was 65,000,023 years old., til of a reality show where the goal is to do as much drugs as possible without dying or getting caught., looking for good president jokes., why did a flock of seagulls never tour in iran, a blonde was touring a farm..., a married couple are sailing with a young tour guide., a group of americans were touring ireland, a man applies for a government job, the other day, i was on a submarine tour., daniel craig has narrowly avoided death after falling into an industrial mixer whilst on a martini factory tour. fortunately the machine wasn't switched on., the queen of england was on a tour..., a man goes to heaven and meets jesus., an egoistic tourist goes on a tour of london., a contractor is taking a tour with a client discussing color themes. green side up, an asylum tour, barak obama was touring the countryside..., satan is giving a new demon trainee a tour of hell, a zookeeper is giving a chemist a tour of the zoo., on a tour of some really remote islands..., a married couple was on holiday in a remote part of the arab country side. they were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. from inside they heard a gentleman with an arabian accent say, "you foreigners come in. come into my humble shop.", i'm the woman who caused the tour de france crash ama, guns n’ roses got their tour bus lifted, a group of tourists in africa where enjoying a guided tour…., army man is out on his first tour, i've just had to turn down a really good job offer, driving thirty world-famous circus clowns around on a uk tour next month., i wish everyone would lay off lance armstrong. what an amazing achievement to recover from testicular cancer and win the tour de france 7 consecutive times. i don't care he used drugs...., what's the difference between floyd's summer of love and the jan 6 capitol tour, a hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his house., a tourist in london decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own., augustus was touring his empire., a new intern is getting a tour of the hospital he is working in., starting a tour to see all of the area protected wines in france., a farmer is giving a tour of his farm to his cousin from the city., a new nurse is being given the tour of his new workplace., coronavirus really changed my tour of italy..., a hospital administrator, an inspector and a few other important people were touring the local hospital to see how it rated compared with others in the state., a man is touring a hospital to see how they operate, there were three electrons going on a tour, a chap tours a factory that produces latex products., post malone has cancelled his tour :(, four friends are touring europe..., i went on a tour of the animal recycling facility today..., an englishman goes on a hunting tour of the americas. he first stops in canada, where he shoots a large male grizzly bear, vietnam veteran comes back from a tour of duty..., a tour bus is traveling through nevada..., what do you call a priest who is touring area 51, guy goes on a tour at a condom factory., the person who caused the tour de france crash should be arrested and charged with genocide., an american touring spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing., why can’t kim kardashian find her asshole, a cyclist throws in the towel halfway through the tour de france. seconds later a minor avalanche kills the three teammates he was riding next to., i asked my wife if she wanted to watch the pga tour or a porno., a man is on a tour of the yankee candle factory, amsterdam is like the tour de france, two government officials go on a diplomatic tour., tour guide in the mountain, two mountaineers pass a crevasse during a mountain tour, touring stephen king's writing studio, a new ceo takes over at a struggling company and decides to get rid of all the slackers., an american, a chinese and an indian went on a world tour by air., i was a guide in a city tour for cross eyed people, i've just driven past mike + the mechanics' broken down tour bus., a tour of a mental hospital., an atheist dies, goes to hell, and finds himself in a lush park with butterflies., a woman was touring spain, before his inauguration, george w. bush was invited to take a tour of the white house., a female journalist is taking a tour of a new science facility., a tour of hell, two italian men are on a bus tour of the usa..., pope in limousine, a tour bus full of seniors drives down a highway…, i went on a tour of the fellatio museum recently, the first lady is touring a hospital......, back in the 1980's, two young aussie tourists visit the vatican as part of a kontiki tour..., a half dozen transexual magicians are touring the american south., beauty contests are becoming a popular way to promote things. for instance, the winner of the trigonometry club's beauty pageant was crowned...., st. peter, looking for operational efficiencies, visits hell for a tour., the beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich african king who was a very important client., a tour bus full of noisy americans arrived at runnymede, england., nsfw - the queen is touring a prestigious hospital..., a woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. he's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a tupperware container. slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out., one day, a doctor goes on a boat tour in rural asia., in 1952 the new york philharmonic was on a national tour..., fifty priests on a tour bus died in a highway accident. long, what happened to the guns n' roses tour bus when it got a flat tire and had to be jacked up for repair, the administrator of a hospital is getting a tour of the new wing., a guy goes to a museum, my favorite joke: everyone knows dave, a tour guide is showing people around washington, dc, when they reach the potomac river..

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113 Travel And Vacation Jokes & Puns For Your Next Trip

Niklas Forstreuter

March 25, 2024

Get ready to laugh out loud at these funny travel jokes, vacation puns, and hilarious one-liners about traveling. Some are simple and a bit cringy, while others take a bit longer to figure out, but you’re guaranteed to find your new favorite on this complete list.

Keep yourself and your loved ones entertained on your next vacation with these hilarious travel jokes and puns, which will make you smile.

This post may contain affiliate links, which means we’ll receive a commission if you purchase through our links at no extra cost to you. This helps us keep Guide Your Travel free and provide high-quality content for you. Please read the full disclaimer for more information.

Best jokes about travel

Here are the best jokes about travel, with hilarious plane situations, road trip jokes, and much more.

1. “While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered, and Mr. Benson looked out the window. “Good lord!” he screamed, “one of the engines just blew up!” Other passengers left their seats and came running over. Suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn’t maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crew member attached the package to their back. “Hey,” spoke up an alert passenger, “aren’t those parachutes?” The pilot said they were. The passenger went on, “But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?” “There isn’t,” replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. “We’re going to get help”

2. “Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies – two in the front seat and three in the back – eyes wide and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?” “Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.” “Slower than the speed limit?” she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly: 22 miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly. The police officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. “But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask: Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time.” the officer asks. “Oh, they’ll be alright in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119”

3. “A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry. As they went by the Tower of London, the cabbie explained what it was and that construction of it started in 1346 and was completed in 1412” The Texan replied, “Shoot, a little ol’ tower like that? In Houston, we’d have that thing up in two weeks!” Next they passed the House of Parliament – started in 1544 and completed in 1618. “Well, boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas, and it only took a year!” As they passed Westminister Abbey, the cabbie was silent. “Whoah! What’s that over there”, asked the Texan. The cabbie replies, scratching his head, “Now that, I don’t know; it sure wasn’t there yesterday!”

4. “One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get underway. The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co-pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first, the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes, the engines start spooling up, and the airplane starts moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the flight attendants for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment, the airplane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the Captain: “You know, one of these days the passengers aren’t going to scream, and we are gonna get killed!”

5. My flight was delayed in Houston. Since the gate was needed for another flight, our aircraft was backed away from the terminal, and we were directed to a new gate. We all found the new gate, only to discover a third gate had been designated for our plane. Finally, everyone got on board the right plane, and the flight attendant announced: “We apologize for the gate change. This flight is going to Washington, D.C. If your destination is not Washington, D.C., you should deplane at this time.” A moment later, a red-faced pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags. “Sorry,” he said, “wrong plane.

6. Many years ago, a certain mountain man, by the name of Shorthorn Bill, had become a noted guide throughout Montana Territory. Regretfully, the territory became too hot to hold him, and Bill was forced to relocate to a cooler area. Having settled outside Denver, he again began working his trade, mainly with wealthy easterners who were passing through the city. On one adventure, it happened that Bill had a party of railroad men out on the high range and, as he was still new to the place, got the group hopelessly lost. After many days of travel, the party became angry. “You told us you were the best guide in Colorado,” they asserted. “I am,” replied Bill, “but I figure we’re in Wyoming now.”

7. Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage. Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry. Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days. Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below. As they descend, they see a man walking his dog. One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, “Where are we?” The man yells back, “About a half mile from town.” Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist. One flyer says to the other, “He must have been a lawyer.” The other says, “A lawyer! How do you know that?” The first says, “That’s easy. The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant”

8. An airline pilot with poor eyesight had managed to pass his periodic vision exams by memorizing the eye charts beforehand. One year, though, his doctor used a new chart that the pilot had never before seen. The pilot proceeded to recite the old chart and the doctor realized that she’d been hoodwinked. Well, the pilot proved to be nearly blind as a bat. But the doctor could not contain her curiosity. “How is it that someone with your eyesight can manage to pilot a plane at all? I mean, how for example do you taxi the plane out to the runway?”” “Well,” says the pilot, “it’s really not very hard. All you have to do is follow the instructions of the ground controller over the radio. And besides, the landmarks have all become quite familiar to me over the years.” “I can understand that,” replies the doctor. “But what about the take-off?” “Again, a simple procedure. I just aim the plane down the runway, go to full throttle, pull back on the stick, and off we go!” “But once you’re aloft?” “Oh, everything’s fully automated these days. The flight computer knows our destination, and all I have to do is hit the autopilot and the plane pretty much flies itself.” “But I still don’t see how you land!” “Oh, that’s the easiest part of all. All I do is use the airport’s radio beacon to get us on the proper glide path. Then I just throttle down and wait for the co-pilot to yell, ‘AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!’ pull the nose up, and the plane lands just fine!”

9. An attendant on a cross-country flight nervously announced: “I don’t know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners.” When the passengers’ muttering had died down, she continued, “Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat will receive free drinks for the length of the flight.” Her next announcement came an hour later. “If anyone wants to change their mind, we still have 29 dinners available!”

10. “Leaving Washington D.C. for Richmond, I decided to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I went into the washroom. The first stall was taken, so I went to the second stall. I’d just sat down when I heard a voice from the next stall. Hi there, how’s it going?” Now, I’m not the type to strike up conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn’t know what to say, but finally I said, “Not bad…” Then the voice said, “So, what are you doing?” I thought that was kind of weird, but I said, “Well, I’m just going to the bathroom, then I’m headed back home.” The voice interrupted, “Look, I’m going to have to call you back. Every time I ask you a question, this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me!”

sloth in rain forest green leaves smiling which is one of the best one word travel captions for Instagram and travel jokes

11. While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, “Are there any gators around here?!” “Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!” “Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there, he asked the guy, “How’d you get rid of the gators?” “We didn’t do nothin’,” the beachcomber said. “The sharks got ’em.”

12. “One afternoon, this guy drives down a highway to visit a nearby lake and relax. On his way to the lake, a guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway gestures for him to stop. The guy rolls down the window and says, “How can I help you?” “I am the red jerk of the highway. You got something to eat?” With a smile on his face, the guy hands a sandwich to the guy in red and drives away. Not even five minutes later, he comes across another guy. This guy is dressed fully in yellow, standing on the side of the road and waving for him to stop. A bit irritated, our guy stops, cranks down the window, and says, “What can I do for you?” “I am the yellow jerk of the highway. You got something to drink?” Hardly managing to smile this time, he hands the guy a can of Coke, and stomps on the pedal, and takes off again. In order to make it to the lakeside before sunset, he decides to go faster and not to stop no matter what. To his frustration, he sees another guy on the side of the road, this one dressed in blue and signaling for him to stop. Reluctantly, our guy decides to stop one last time. He rolls down his window, and yells, “Let me guess. You’re the blue jerk of the highway, and just what the heck do you wanna have?” “Driver’s license and registration, please.”

Must-Have Travel Resources

Insurance – Safetywing
Accommodation – Agoda or Booking
eSIM – Jetpac
Flights – Skyscanner
Tours & Experiences – Viator

13. There is a lot pilots have to take into account when flying safely across the sky: 1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory. 2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again. 3. Flying isn’t dangerous. Crashing is what’s dangerous. 4. It’s always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. 5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire. 6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating. 7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky. 8. A ‘good’ landing is one from which you can walk away. A ‘great’ landing is one after which they can use the plane again. 9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make all of them yourself. 10. You know you’ve landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp. 11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice-versa. 12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn’t get to five minutes earlier. 13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. 14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take-offs you’ve made. 15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are. 16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. 17. Helicopters can’t fly; they’re just so ugly the earth repels them. 18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that’s going round and round, and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be. 19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. 20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, experience usually comes from bad judgment. 21. It’s always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible. 22. Keep looking around. There’s always something you’ve missed. 23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It’s the law. And it’s not subject to repeal. 24. The four most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, gas back at the airport, and a tenth of a second ago. 25. There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots. There are, however, no old, bold pilots.

14. “On vacation in Hawaii, my mother called a restaurant to make reservations for 7 PM. Checking her book, the cheery hostess said, “I’m sorry, all we have is 6:45. Would you like that?” “That’s fine,” Sandy said. “Okay,” the woman confirmed. Then she added, “Just be advised you may have to wait 15 minutes for your table.”

Best short travel jokes

Keep it short and sweet with these quick travel jokes, which are perfect for long plane rides and road trips.

15. I didn’t realize how bad of a driver I was until my satnav said, ‘In 100 feet, do a slight right, stop, and let me out.’

16. My favorite childhood memory is my parents paying for my holidays.

17. Do you ever stress about money and then accidentally book another flight?

18. Don’t fly on Peter Pan Airways. They neverland.

19. I get so tired of waking up and not being at the beach.

20. I got excited when my son joined the cross-country team. But then I learned they don’t cross the country and are back home in a few hours.

Yellow starfish underwater white sand clear water for romantic couple travel Instagram captions and quotes and travel jokes

21. I love traveling to France. There’s nothing Toulouse.

22. Can’t decide if I need a hug, a dark coffee, 6 shots of vodka, or two months of travel.

23. Don’t worry if our old car breaks down on our trip through Canada. I have Triple Eh.

24. What do travelers like best about Switzerland? I’m not sure, but the flag’s a big plus.

25. I wish I were a postcard. For less than $2, you can travel the world!

26. I haven’t slept in days because I am about to climb the highest mountain in the world. I wonder whether I will Everest.

27. Should I go to work today? Or just book a 1-way ticket to Mexico?

28. Sure, working is great. But have you tried traveling?

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29. I love when flies won’t leave my car on long road trips. Have fun moving to Kansas, tiny pest.

30. You’ve never felt true fear until your passport isn’t where you think you left it.

sunset at the beach with hills in the background and big waves spraying

31. I want to go to Bora-Bora, but I’m too Pora-Pora.

32. My favorite trail mix includes songs from The Cranberries, Peanuts, and Eminem.

33. We are all-time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour.

34. You can’t make everyone happy unless you’re a plane ticket.

35. I wonder how many miles I’ve scrolled with my thumb.

36. Me: I’d love to travel more. The bank account: Like, to the park?

37. Oceans are so friendly. They’re always waving at you.

38. I’m not too good at geography, but I can name at least one city in France. That’s Nice.

39. I don’t want to take my dog on road trips! He can be such a bark seat driver.

40. Running to the boarding gate is my favorite workout.

turtle swimming in blue waters of gili trawangan in indonesia

41. When going to the bathroom in the woods, you have to use the facilitrees

42. I need six months of vacation twice a year.

43. I’m confused. The trail looked so flat on the map.

44. A plane ticket is the answer. Who cares what the question is?

45. The food on the small aircraft wasn’t good… it was a little plane.

46. I’ve got 99 problems, but I’m on vacation, so I’m ignoring them all!

Funniest travel jokes and puns

These travel puns and vacation jokes will make you chuckle and are the perfect dad jokes to keep you entertained on the plane.

47. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish? Swimming trunks.

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48. How do crazy hikers get out of the forest? They take the psychopath.

49. Why don’t pirates travel on mountain roads? S’curvy.

50. Why did the coffee have a terrible vacation? It got mugged on the first day.

one word instagram captions about travel drone shot beach and travel jokes

51. Why did nobody like the plane? It had a bad altitude.

52. What do you call a group of travelers who all speak different languages? A babble of tourists

53. Who invented the first airplane that couldn’t take off? The Wrong Brothers.

54. What travels all around the world but stays in one corner? A stamp.

55. Why did the shark hate its vacation in France? It wanted to go to Finland instead.

56. What happens when you cross a snake and a plane? You get a Boeing constrictor.

57. Want to know our plan for today’s hike? I’ll summit up nicely.

58. What’s worse than raining cats and dogs on vacation? Hailing taxi.

59. Why did the flight attendant apologize to the family of elephants? They were only allowed one trunk onboard.

60. Where do bees like to go on vacation? Stingapore

one word instagram captions about travel madrid palacio flowers sun

61. What do you call a cruise ship full of football players? A sportsman-ship

62. What goes through towns, up hills, and down hills but never moves? The road.

63. Which country has the most germs? Germany.

64. How much fun is it to do your laundry when traveling? Loads.

65. How do you know elephants love to travel? Because they always pack their trunk.

66. Which type of traveler is the most calm? The No-mad.

67. Why don’t aliens visit our planet? It has terrible ratings. Only one star.

68. How do fleas travel? They ‘itch hike.

69. What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S? Automobile.

70. What kind of sweets do they sell at the airport? Plane chocolate

one word instagram captions about travel and jokes boat komodo national park

71. Which Star Wars character travels around the world? Globi-Wan-Kenobi.

72. Why did the tired traveler go to Romania? So he could Buch-a-rest.

73. What do you call a time-traveling cow? Doctor Moo.

74. What sound does a bouncing airplane make? Boeing.

75. Where does a cow stay when it is on vacation? A moo-tel.

76. Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane? Because it was overbooked.

77. How did the buffalo say goodbye to his son at the train station? Bison!

78. Where do pianists go on their vacation? The Florida Keys.

79. What do you get when you cross a plane with a magician? A flying sorcerer

80. Why did the travel agent want to go to the mountains for vacation? She said it was a peak experience.

lisbon statues blue sky perfect for travel jokes

81. Where do hamsters like to go on vacation? Hamsterdam.

82. Where do sheep like to go on vacation? The Baa-hamas.

83. here do honeybees use the bathroom on a long road trip? The BP station.

84. What did E.T.’s mother say to him when he got home? Where on Earth have you been?

85. What happens when you wear a watch on a plane? Time flies.

86. What’s gray and has four legs and a trunk? A mouse on vacation.

87. Why couldn’t the frog find where he parked his car? He’d been toad.

88. What happens if you take the five o’clock train home? You have to give it back.

89. Why can cutlery teleport but not time travel? It’s silverwhere, not silverwhen.

90. Where did the heart, liver, and kidney go on a road trip? Oregon.

dunnottar castle in scotland green hills ruin ocean for travel jokes

91. What’s the favorite airline of an English stylist? British Hairways.

92. What does a clam like to do for vacation? Clamping.

93. What kind of tree fits into your hand? A palm tree.

94. What’s brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses? A coconut on vacation.

95. Where do pepperonis like to go on vacation? The Leaning Tower Of Pizza.

96. Do fish go on vacation? No, they’re always in school.

97. Why did the robot go on vacation? He needed to recharge his batteries.

98. What’s the best jacket to wear on a hike? A trail blazer!

99. What did the lazy baguette do on holiday? It just loafed around.

100. Where do eggs go on vacation? New Yolk City.

101. Why do witches stay in hotels? They heard they always have great broom service!

102. How do rabbits travel? By hare plane.

Funniest vacation jokes

Make your vacation funnier and more relaxed with these jokes and funny situations. Love to laugh? Here are our favorite jokes about Americans .

103. For my holidays last year, I threw a dart at a map of the world and decided to go to wherever it landed. I had a fantastic two weeks behind the fridge.

104. “A hungry traveler stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where a brother was frying chips. “Are you the friar?” he asked. The brother replied, “No. I’m the chip monk.”

106. I bought a world map for my wall, and I’m going to put a pin in all the places I travel to. I’m going to have to travel to the top two corners of the map first to stop it from falling down.

107. Traveling through the Midwest, I stopped at an Ohio welcome center to pick up a state map. I found plenty of brochures but no maps. Then I spotted two employees and asked whether they had any. “Sure,” said the first guy. “I’ll get you one.” As he walked to the back, the second guy explained, “We keep them in the storage room. If we leave them out on the counter, people just come in and take them.

108. A husband and wife packed their suitcases in a rush and made it to the airport just in time. “I wish I’d brought the refrigerator,” said the wife. “Whatever for?” asked her husband. “Our tickets are on top of it.”

109. “A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if it has any luggage. The photon says, “No, I’m traveling light.”

110. A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 AM and got into Chicago at 8:33 AM. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Ilinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

kangaroo in the forest fr funny travel jokes and puns

111. A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. “Oh no I don’t, I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.” I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this, he said, “Look, I’ve been to China four times, and every time they have accepted my American Express.”

112. With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it’s only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy’s truck leaves him too. Halfway between Boston and New York City, the train’s engine fell silent. “I’ve got good news and bad news,” the conductor announced. “The bad news is we lost power.” Everyone on the train groans. “The good news,” he added, “is we weren’t cruising at 30,000 feet.”

113. My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and I’m paid to travel You should see my my dates’ faces when I tell them I’m a bus driver!

More Instagram caption ideas

If you’re looking for Instagram captions and quotes about places around the US, you’ll love these posts. Click on one of the buttons below to read our other quote guides. You might also like our complete guide to spotting ghost followers on Instagram .

Here are more quotes about places around the world.

You might also enjoy our more general Instagram caption posts about travel styles and much more. Here are the best quotes about:

Keep yourself entertained while you travel with these joke guides.

Did I miss anything? If you have any questions or feel like something is missing from this post, please leave a comment below or contact me .

My Most Important Travel Resources

Hotels – Agoda or Booking
Hostels – Hostelworld
Tours & Experiences – Viator & Get Your Guide
Transport in Asia – 12Go Asia
Rental Cars – Discover Cars

Welcome to Guide your Travel!

Hi! I’m Victoria, a travel blogger from Germany and the author of Guide your Travel. I write about my favourite destinations in Europe, South East Asia and digital nomad life in Bali.

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Hi, I'm Victoria

Welcome to Guide your Travel – a blog about South East Asia and how to travel on a budget.

I’m a blogger, writer and photographer and love to introduce my favourite destinations to others and encourage them to see the world.

I’m originally from Germany but spent four years living in the UK, quite a bit of time in Spain and Malaysia, and am now travelling full time with a home base in Bali, Indonesia.

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How to Be a Funny Tour Guide and Delight Guests

By Erick Tomaliwan

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how to be a funny tour guide with man and woman laughing together

We know a smile is a universal language, helping to connect people across cultures and traditions. And who doesn’t love to laugh?

Thankfully, laughter presents us with an opportunity to better understand each other. Humour can break the ice among tour guests to inspire a happy, attentive audience. In fact, travelers are more likely to pay attention if they have a reason to — and enjoying a good laugh is a great reason to listen.

Naturally, being a funny tour guide enhances your ability to bridge cultural gaps and bring your group together. With this said, being consistently funny in a group is a skill and one that’s built up with plenty of practice.

Making someone laugh can be one of the most effective ways to connect with them and curate a fun, enjoyable experience for all.

How to deliver funny tour guide jokes

We already know that as tour guides you wear many hats. To be successful, you need to know how to make a commentary in tour guiding , handle groups and demonstrate savvy time management in addition to wayfinding skills.

And while being comedic is an art — thankfully, you can learn how to be a funny tour guide. By sprinkling a few jokes throughout the tour, you’ll find yourself with a receptive audience or an insightful experience.

Guests build connections amid shared truths. This means that they’ll laugh if something you say happens to be both funny and true, in response to sharing a feeling of discomfort and/or pain.

To get a better sense of what I mean, this video with John Vorhaus of the Comedy Toolbox shares basic approaches to becoming funny. Laughter is a result of saying something that contradicts your guests’ expectations and surprises them.

And sure, it may take a few attempts to get your words and delivery just right. As described in the Comedy Toolbox book , being funny is a mix of truth and pain. The secret to being funny? Lean into relatable topics that will lead to easy laughs from your tour group.

Developing a funny tour guide script

When something is true, it’s more likely to make people laugh, as is highlighted in this Tourpreneur podcast and blog post .

And while a script can be useful in setting verbal reminders, some of the best experiences are ad hoc. When working on building up your funny bone, here are a few approaches that are time-tested.

1. Become a storyteller

When it comes to developing savvy tour guide skills , a sense of humour is pretty high on the list. It’s true that storytelling is one of the best ways of relating to one another and forging connections.

To start, you’ll want to become a master at the art of storytelling and bringing your guests into the story. It’s not unlike sharing a story of your travels with family and friends.

Consider this; the first time you share something for the first time, you might leave a few things out or deliver a weak punchline. Keep at it. Continue to experiment with your storytelling skills, making sure to invite your audience into the scene by painting a picture with your words.

2. Choose your hero

Are you hoping to charm guests with a little self-deprecating humour ? This tactic can work wonders in making people laugh without being the butt of your jokes.

Aim to encourage guests to arrive early for a little preamble. This is a prime opportunity to try out some lighthearted jokes. Every audience needs to be able to root for the hero, plus you’ll appear humble and likable if you’re not afraid to poke fun at yourself.

3. Infuse misdirection and surprise

Imagine your audience all ears and completely lost in your story where they think they have an idea of where your story is going, and then, whoops, you pull a fast one and deliver an unexpected twist.

The rule of three in comedy speaks to how the first two stated topics are truths, with the third topic being the phony bit. And herein lies the humour. Eventually, you’ll be drawing upon memory, so by the time you’ve shared the story for the fourth or tenth time, it’s dialled in and filled with enthusiasm.

For instance, let’s say you’re chatting with guests about packing for a family vacation. You’re at the airport double-checking that you haven’t forgotten anything. Keys? Check. Passport? Check. Your mother-in-law? Oh no. Cue the laughter.

With this quip being wildly different from the first two topics, is it unexpected and the results? People can’t help but smile from ear to ear.

are you not entertained tour guide relatable meme

3. Experiment with over-exaggeration

The great comedian writer Gene Perret wrote that comedy is like pulling the rug out from under your audience. But first, you need to gain their trust to step on the carpet and keep their trust until the end so they won’t step off the rug.“

So let’s say you want a way of framing your delivery to lead to laughs from your guests. The last thing you say before people laugh is the punchline, and you want to leave space to allow your guests to laugh.

4. Improvise with your audience

If you’re not well-versed in speaking to a crowd or coming up with witty one-liners on the spot, it can be challenging to juggle humour with relevant tour facts.

For instance, you might open with a story about the first time you lead this tour and sprinkle in any funny mishaps. Being a funny tour guide requires you to have a willingness to take risks. Sure, maybe your guests won’t laugh. But what if they do?

5. Include your guests in your act

You’ve probably been bored to tears when overhearing a rambling of facts versus stories. Instead, animate the experience for your guests.

This Tourpreneur podcast and interview highlights what makes for a compelling tour. Make things easy by having a pocket setlist, much like what comedians do, jotting down a few funny reminders or facts that guests tend to like.

I can recall attending a live comedy performance once where the comedian was being tested with the front row. A guest insisted on remaining deadpan the entire time.

This prompted the comic to address him directly, asking, “are you having a good time?” The guest nods, and the comic — without missing a beat — responds with, “Yeah? Tell your face.” resulting in the guest and entire audience erupting into a fit of laughter.

But what really makes a tour guide stand out to both tour operators and their guests? A guide who’s ready for anything.

Comedy class 101

A few years ago, I set out to learn the inner workings of comedy. Signing up for a six-week-long comedy course, I committed to performing in front of a live audience as the finale.

While this course was one of the most challenging experiences I’ve ever had, it was also one of the most enlightening. As a result, I’m grateful to be able to share a thing or two about cracking jokes in public. The best part? Having your audience burst into laughter.

During my time in the spotlight, I shared a mix of funny, true stories from my childhood. I found the audience laughed the most when the punchline was short and failed to match what they believed was coming next. One of the first lessons we learned in the live comedy class was how to use the art of misdirection.

In my case, I shared a story of when my younger sister and I were chasing each other around the house. One of us changed directions, and my front tooth collided with my sister’s head, leaving her in tears and me with a grey (dead) front tooth.

I bluntly stated that this look lasted for four years and paused long enough to allow the audience to laugh. I followed it up with a quip about how awkward it can be to be a teenager, causing the audience to chuckle even more because they had a very different picture in their minds.

This was a prime example of a bit of self-deprecating humour infused with the awkwardness of youth — something many of us can relate to. When exploring what will make people burst into laughter, you need to take a leap of faith by allowing yourself the freedom to experiment with your jokes.

Examples of things funny tour guides say

Do you know how people say it’s all in the delivery? When it comes to comedy, timing is everything. Memorable tour guides share a few things in common. First, they know how to command attention and how to deliver a good story. So, all you have to do is focus on how you can lead your guests to a smile.

Adjusting your speaking tempo can make the difference between a line that’s funny or not. Ideally, you want guests hanging onto your every word, which means sprinkling in funny tidbits throughout the tour.

As an example, my husband and I went to a wine tasting in Saint Emilion, outside of Bordeaux. The guide had taken us through a wine tour in French and English, dropping a few funny lines throughout.

We arrived back at the winery, awaiting a decadent glass of 15-year-old wine. Before we were invited to have a sip, our guide used humour to capture our attention to demonstrate how to properly taste wine.

He began by pointing out how we might not want to do this if we cared about our shirt — earning the group’s eyes and ears while ensuring we’d go about doing it correctly. Then, we discovered how to bring oxygen into our mouth while tasting the wine, not unlike blowing bubbles in reverse.

If you’re looking for suggestions on how to be a successful tour guide , you’ll find yourself in good company. The best experience providers care about their guests and go the extra mile of connecting in person.

Timing as a funny tour guide

In the first few minutes of a tour, aim to assess your audience’s sense of humour. However, it’s important to keep in mind that not everyone will find the same things funny.

Having a few stories in your head will help you fill any gaps of awkward silence. You can also inquire with your guests where they are from and see if this inspires any witty banter.

Regardless of your approach, ensure you commit to the joke and leave enough space to allow guests to enjoy it from the Comic Toolbox: How to Be Funny , Even if You’re Not by John Vorhaus.

To further support an overall positive experience, getting the group on the same page with laughter helps to forge a buffer in the event of something going array.

Aim to create the kind of atmosphere you think your guests will love. People are more likely to be laidback and trusting if you’ve fostered a lighthearted atmosphere to being with. Besides, there’s a good chance you’ll have someone in your group that will pick up on your sense of humour and roll with it.

Funny tour guide resources

For a professional’s take on becoming a better public speaker, explore this How to Become a Better and Funnier Speaker course by David Nahill. It might be just the ticket for learning tactics to boost your confidence. Here are some additional resources to help you forge your path as a funny tour guide:

Comedy Writing Self Taught Workbook
The Hidden Tools of Comedy , plus you can learn more here
Truth in Comedy

Final thoughts

On your next tour, give storytelling a try. You might be surprised by your natural abilities and have a lot of fun while you’re at it. For more ways to brush up on key responsibilities of a tour guide be sure to explore the different courses available.

Part of why guests love stories is in how they create bonds and form memories. So, while being funny may not always be easy, if you or your staff are committed to learning how to be the best tour guide , you’ll recognize what clicks for your guests. And sure, it may take a few attempts to get the words and delivery right, but when it does, it’s magic.

Regardless of how you choose to infuse humour in your tours, aim to always leave travelers wanting more. This way, they’ll be hanging off your every word hoping to hear something that will make them laugh.

A memorable tour typically translates to favourable reviews, and who doesn’t want a five-star quality tour guide to rave about?

Looking to hire a tour guide that’s funny?

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65+ Funny Travel Jokes for a Laughter Trip

Traveling is an excellent way to experience the world and create memories. Next time you go on a trip, remember funny travel jokes.

Traveling enriches your life . There are many ways to travel, such as on an airplane , cruise, car , or foot.

Since the first flight by the Wright Brothers , travel has become more accessible.

You can learn about the world, escape reality, relax, and make memories.

Laughter is also a significant part of traveling.

The following are the funniest travel jokes you need to read before or during your next trip.

Hilarious travel jokes

1 . Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane?

It was overbooked.

2 . How do you know elephants love road trips?

They always pack their trunk.

3 . What do you call a magician on an airplane?

A flying sorcerer.

Related : What do you call a magician’s dog?

4 . What happens when you wear a watch on a plane?

Time flies.

5 . What kind of chocolate do airports sell?

Plane chocolate.

6 . What’s the best way to travel with kids?

7 . Why shouldn’t you fly on Peter Pan Airlines?

They Neverland.

8 . Why are mountains the funniest travel destination?

They’re hill areas.

9 . What travels around the world but stays in a corner.

10 . Why don’t fish travel?

They’re always in school .

11 . What’s the cheapest way to travel?

By sale boat .

12 . Why didn’t anyone like the airplane?

It had a bad altitude.

13 . Why did the robot go on vacation?

To recharge its batteries.

14 . Did you hear about the itinerary for our hiking vacation?

I’ll summit up nicely.

15 . Why don’t kangaroos like to travel?

Their pouch potatoes.

16 . Why do some girls like to travel in groups of odd numbers?

Because they can’t even.

17 . What do you call a traveler that’s always calm and collected?

18 . What makes camping challenging?

It’s in tents.

19 . Why don’t aliens travel to Earth?

It has bad ratings, only one star.

20 . What do you get when you cross a snake with an airplane?

A Boeing constrictor.

21 . What does bread do when it travels?

It loafs around.

22 . What did the pig say after traveling to a hot destination?

I’m bacon.

23 . Why don’t crabs take their family and friends on vacation?

They’re shellfish.

24 . Why don’t photons have checked bags?

They travel light.

25 . How do witches choose hotels?

They look for the best broom service.

Related : What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?

26 . Where does Santa Claus stay when he travels?

The ho-ho-hotel.

27 . Which airline the barbers in the United Kingdom use?

British Hair -ways.

28 . What do you do if you reach a fork in the road during a trip?

Stop for lunch.

29 . Do you want to hear a joke about time travel?

You didn’t like it.

30 . How do fleas travel?

Itch-hiking.

31 . Why don’t bears travel with suitcases?

They only bring the bear necessities.

32 . How do lobsters travel?

By shell-icopter.

33 . Why did the coffee call the police while traveling?

It got mugged.

Knock-knock travel jokes

1 . Knock-knock. Who’s there? Europe. Europe who? No, I’m not. You are.

2 . Knock-knock. Who’s there? Hawaii. Hawaii who? I’m great. Hawaii you?

3 . Knock-knock. Who’s there? Belize. Belize who? I didn’t sneeze.

4 . Knock-knock. Who’s there? Tokyo. Tokyo who? What did you take from me?

5 . Knock-knock. Who’s there? Peru. Peru who? It’s okay. Don’t cry.

6 . Knock-knock. Who’s there? Hanoi. Hanoi who? You know who did it?

7 . Knock-knock. Who’s there? Ibiza. Ibiza who? Do you want a piece of me?

8 . Knock-knock. Who’s there? Pico. Pico who? I see you.

9 . Knock-knock. Who’s there? Quebec. Quebec who? Quebec your pardon.

10 . Knock-knock. Who’s there? Bangkok. Bangkok who? Doodle doo.

11 . Knock-knock. Who’s there? Bolivia. Bolivia who? I believe you, too.

12 . Knock-knock. Who’s there? Havana. Havana who? Havana great time.

13 . Knock-knock. Who’s there? Samoa. Samoa who? I want Samoa you.

14 . Knock-knock. Who’s there? Oscar. Oscar who? Oscar if she wants to travel with us.

15 . Knock-knock. Who’s there? Sherwood. Sherwood who? I Sherwood love to travel right now.

16 . Knock-knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Boo-hoo, I want to travel.

17 . Knock-knock. Who’s there? RV. RV who? RV there yet?

18 . Knock-knock. Who’s there? Cargo. Cargo who? Cargo beep beep.

Jokes about travel destinations

1 . What’s a pianist’s favorite travel destination?

Florida Keys.

2 . What’s a pencil’s favorite travel destination?

Pennsylvania.

Related : What do you call a broken pencil?

3 . Where do sharks go on vacation ?

4 . What’s a hamster’s favorite travel destination?

Hamster-dam.

5 . What’s a sheep’s favorite destination?

The Baa-hamas.

6 . Where do pirates go on vacation?

Arr-gentina.

7 . What’s a bee’s favorite vacation destination?

Sting-apore.

8 . Where do superheroes go on vacation?

9 . Where do balloons go in Italy?

10 . Where do cows go on vacation?

11 . Where do ghost’s go on vacation ?

12 . What do pepperoni’s like to see on vacation?

The Leaning Tower of Pizza .

13 . Why are winters so cold in Juneau?

I don’t know. Alaska local.

14 . Which country has the most germs?

15 . What’s it like traveling to Bulgaria?

Sofia, so good.

16 . Where do crayons go on vacation?

Related : Funny Quotes About Having Fun and Enjoying Life

Featured image by David Em/Humor Living .

134 Funny Travel Quotes That Will Make You Laugh 2024

Sharing is caring!

Looking for a laugh? Check out this bumper collection of the funniest and most relatable travel quotes out there.

Designed to put a smile on your face and inspire your next travel adventure, these funny travel quotes will banish boredom and keep you entertained whilst you wait for your next trip to roll around. They are created to be shared, so make sure you send your favorite ones onto your friends!

Fun Quotes About Traveling When You’re Broke

Stuck somewhere between “I need to save” and “you only live once”.
Friend: Let’s go to Bora Bora. Me: Man, I wanna go, but I’m pora pora.
My favorite childhood memory is my parents paying for my holidays.
When you’re trying to save money for a house, but end up with a one-way ticket to some tropical island.
If traveling was free, BYE!

Funny Quotes about Travel

I need a reasonably paid job. Something like $2000 an hour. Nothing too wild…
Me: “I want to travel more”, the bank account: “Like, to the park?”
Me before vacation: “I’m going to be responsible with my money. This is a low budget trip. I’m gonna stay in a hostel and everything.”Me on vacation: *orders fancy drinks, rides a jetski, goes skydiving, buys souvenirs for the uncle’s new girlfriend and adopts an alpaca.*
I wish that road trips could pay my bills.

Funny Travel Instagram Captions

At the end of the day…I’d rather like to have a lot of stories to tell, than a full bank account.
I wish I was a postcard. For under $2 you can travel the world to any location in the world.
Do you ever stress about money and then accidentally book another flight?
I wish travel therapy was covered by my health insurance.
Backpacking is money spent on Education.
Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new year on a clean slate.

Funny Captions on Travel For When You’re At Work

How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel.
I love when people say “just quit your job and travel.” Taking an Uber from the bar to my home is the only travel I can afford.
Go to work. Open computer. Scroll for plane tickets for 6 hours. Close computer. Go home.
I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!

Funny Holiday Quotes

Work tip: Stand up. Stretch. Take a walk. Go to the airport. Get on a plane. Never return.
Yeah, working is great…but have you tried travelling.
There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation.
Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito.
Ironing boards are surfboards that gave up their dreams and got a boring job. Don’t be an ironing board.

Funny Captions for Trip with Friends

Life is short. Call in sick and book that last minute flight.
I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere.
I googled my symptoms. Turns out I just needed to go on a vacay.
I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach.

Travel Quotes About Funny But True Life Priorities

Everyone is pregnant, engaged or getting married. I just wanna lose weight and travel.
Forget champagne and caviar – Taste the world instead
I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine
I just want to travel the world, overspend at IKEA and drink coffee while cuddling puppies.
Friend 1: I’m getting a house. Friend 2: I’m having a baby. Friend 3: I’m getting married Me: I’m headed to the airport.

Holiday Quotes Funny

People having babies…and I’m like: What country am I going to next?
I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just want a paycheck to buy plane tickets.
I don’t want a house. I just want to travel and pet a lot of dogs.
Screw the caviar, I want to travel the world!
Reality called, so I hung up.

Funny Quotes For Vacation Obsessed Globetrotters

I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year.
I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport.
I’ve got 99 problems. But I’m on vacation so I’m ignoring them all!
“You can’t buy happiness” Okay, explain travel then…
Travsessed ( n .) An obsession with travel. When all you talk or think about is your past or future trips

Vacation Quotes Funny

It’s bad manners to keep a vacation waiting.
Good things come to those, who book flights.
I heard an airplane passing overhead. I wished I was on it.
Tripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any travel trips currently booked.
You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy plane tickets, which is kind of the same thing.

Funny Quotes on Travel

Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas and take your next trip in kilometers. – George Carlin
A coconut a day keeps the doctor away.
“Be strong”, I whisper to my WiFi signal
Jetlag is for amateurs

Funny Vacation Captions You Can Relate To

My parents complain I travel too much. I mean, I could be a dr*ggie, do they realize how lucky they are?
A plane ticket is the answer. Who cares what the question is.
Don’t speak the language. Already said 3 times “what”. Now just smile and nod and hope for the best.
Me travelling. Person: “Un Cafe?” Me: “Oui” Person: “Sucre” Me: “Non” Person: “You speak very good french” Me: “Gracias”
You’ve never felt true fear until your passport isn’t where you think you left it.

Travel Captions Funny

Have you ever stopped to think, maybe travel is into me?
Education is important. But travel is importanter!
If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise.
Me thinking about how many flights I can book for the cost of a new iPhone 14 Pro.
I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m going. Are you coming with me?

Funny Quotes about Traveling

Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland.
That moment when you’re asked where you got something and you answer with the name of the country, not the name of the store.
Travelling is like a chocolate box. Don’t matter what you get. All is good.

Funny Quotes On Travel And Love

Girls don’t wait for the prince anymore, they pack and travel the world.
All you need is love a passport.
I followed my heart and it led me to the airport.
If you had to choose between true love or travelling the world, which country would you visit first?
All I want for Christmas is you forever vacation.

Travel Funny Quotes

Imagine falling in love with someone and then finding out they clap their hands when the plane lands.
Some people spend their life searching for “the one”. I’m just searching for the one good travel deal.
I’ve got a crush on the world.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel magazine!

Funny Travel Memes About The Life Goals Of A Traveller

Birds literally just eat, travel, and make a mess on things they don’t like. I don’t know about you, but that’s the lifestyle I’m striving for.
By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always travelling & comes to family events tipsy.
High five if you don’t know what you’re doing with your life and just want to travel the world.
I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories.
Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas.

Short Funny Travel Quotes

Be afraid. And do it anyway.
Can we just skip to the part in my life where I travel the world?
I just need a large coffee, a plane ticket and a bag full of cash.
Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30 degree weather waiting outside for you.
I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon.
Live a life you don’t need a vacation from.

Funny Quotes about Vacation

Work hard. Travel harder.
I need a holiday. And by “holiday” I mean I need to move away and find a job. On the beach. With cocktails.
The temptation to go to the airport, buy a one-way ticket, leave the country and live on my own has never been so real.
Ladies, imagine this. It’s 15 years from now, and you have no kids. You’re the cool wine aunt that occasionally comes back to the country for a brief visit before leaving for another long exotic vacation. You have no commitments, and a suspicious amount of money.

Funny Vacation Quotes About Packing

Packs 2 hours before leaving for a trip. Unpacks 3 months after coming home.
Going on a trip. Need about 5 outfits. I’ve packed 35 just to be safe.
Me: triple checked packing list Also me: *forgets underwear, contact solution, and favorite chapstick*.
Watches Netflix happily. Remembers you need to pack. Watches Netflix stressfully.

Funny Traveling Quotes

Me: I’m not going to overpack this time. Inner me: I need this. I will need that as well. I need everything.
Procrastapacking (n.) the act of thinking about packing a suitcase instead of actually doing it.
Overpack. It’s why suitcases have wheels now.

Funny Adventure Quotes

I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3 day vacation. Just in case.
So, do I live out of a suitcase for the next month? Do I unpack just to repack again? Do I put my toothbrush back in the bathroom? I’m a visitor in my own house what the heck.
My favorite thing to pack on trips are all the clothes I never wear at home and then find fun, flirty and exciting ways to not wear them while I’m away.

Funny Captions for Travel

Normal life: Wears the same top every day for a week. Packing for 3-day vacation: I’ll probably change a few times a day so I’ll take 21 tops.
I have been to almost as many places as my luggage.
Me getting ready for vacation: manicure and pedicure, buy new Sephora products, spray tan, get waxed, get hair done, work out for a month, live off kale and veggies, try on 30K swimsuits and cry in dressing rooms. Husband getting ready for vacation: packs a bathing suit, flip-flops, a T-shirt, and calls it a day.

Funny Travel Captions About Airports

Running to the gate is my cardio.
Airports: the only place where drinking 8 AM is socially acceptable.
The airport is a lawless place. 7 am? Drink a beer. Tired? Sleep on the floor. Hungry? Chips now cost 17$.
A passport holder sounds like a great idea until you get to the airport and have to remove it 4 billion times.

Funny Adventure Captions

Worrying you’ve accidentally packed 3 kilos of dr*gs and an animal carcass as you walk through “nothing to declare” at the airport.
I love those days when my only decision is window or aisle.
“Be right back…” Just running away from Monday and going straight to the airport.

Traveling Quotes That Are Funny

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need a trip.
Vacation calories don’t count, right?
What’s that medical condition called where you constantly need to have a trip booked?
Should I book another flight to go abroad? Brain: no. Wallet: no. Mom: no. Dog: no. Universe: no…I think I’m gonna book the flight.
You can’t make everyone happy. You are not a plane ticket.

Vacation Funny Quotes

TIP: You won’t get the holiday blues if you just keep booking holidays.
You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…
In desperate need of a full body massage, 4 days of sleep and a ticket to the Bahamas.
Can’t decide if I need a hug, an XL coffee, 6 ounces of vodka, or 2 months of travel.
Travitude (n.) when you start to feel grumpy and sassy because you haven’t travelled in a while.
My mom watches a special type of news program that only reports on horrible incidents happening in places I’m about to visit.

Funny Travel Captions for Instagram

121. “Jet lag is for amateurs.” — Dick Clark

122. “Worst thing about being a tourist, is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!” – Russell Baker

123. “You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.” – Paul Theroux

124. “I’m getting used to wearing flip flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”

Travel Funny Captions

125. “Airplane travel is nature’s way of making you look like your passport photo.” — Al Gore

126. “Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.” – Steve Martin

127. “People travel to faraway places to watch, in fascination, the kind of people they ignore at home.” – Dagobert D. Runes

128. “Don’t worry about the world ending today; it’s already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles M. Schulz

129. “Airline travel is hours of boredom interrupted by stark moments of terror.” – Al Boliska

130. “I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them” – Mark Twain

131. “Drink heavily with the locals whenever possible.” – Anthony Bourdain

132. “I travel light but not at the same speed.” – Jarod Kintz

133. “A hotel room all to myself is my idea of a good time.” – Chelsea Handler

134. “I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal.” – Jarod Kintz

That’s 134 Best Funny Trip Quotes

That’s a wrap on my hand picked selection of the best funny travel quote and witty puns out there. I hope they’ve entertained you and brought a smile to your face.

If so, I’d love to know which of these funny quotes about adventure were your favorites and if you know of any more I need to add to this list please comment below!

Remember, if you loved these funny travel quotes and want more inspiration and motivation check out the other travel captions and quotes I’ve compiled:

Travel with Friends Quotes
Solo Travel Quotes
Summer Captions for Instagram
London Quotes
Road Trip Quotes
Sunrise Captions for Instagram
Mountain Quotes
Ocean Instagram Captions
Best Nature Quotes
Beach Quotes
Hiking Quotes
Outdoor Quotes
Quotes about Exploration
Waterfall Quotes
Sunset Captions for Instagram
Miami Quotes
California Instagram Captions
Arizona Quotes
If you prefer visuals check out my Pinterest Travel Quotes board

Save Travel Quotes Funny to Pinterest for Later

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NEW: For Hostel Owners!

101 Funny Travel Puns (with City Names and One-Liner)

I absolutely love travel puns. They can be so hilarious, creative, unique. Some of them would be even fantastic to put on t-shirts, others may be a bit silly. Upgrade your trip with these funny and best travel puns and jokes.

Some of them are city-related, others to sights and even food. You can use these travel and backpacking puns for your instagram captions, whatsapp status or facebook updates. Be creative!

Do you use these puns about travel?

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Enjoy even more…

best adventure quotes of all time
funny travel quotes to put a smile on your face
best travel quotes to boost wanderlust
best solo travel quotes

Best Travel Puns and Jokes

I want to kick off this list with my favorite best travel puns and word plays. Some of them are very short puns for traveling, others are, well, longer. Some of these puns are original travel-related puns by Hostelgeeks. Please tag us and credit us, that would make our day ❤️

I just a-door this city!

Nothing about this trip is plane.

I am always in good mood when traveling. After all, I am a No-Mad. (by Hostelgeeks ❤️)

Two backpackers in a hostel.

“Kenya tell me your favorite country to visit?”

“OMAN…this is really a tough question. What about you?”

“Yea-man, there is so many”

(by Hostelgeeks ❤️)

We thought our tour guide got lost in Tokyo, but he said it was all part of Ja-plan.

When traveling in November: Wish you a success-fall trip!

With all these lockdowns and quarantines, let’s see when we Ghana travel again. (by Hostelgeeks ❤️)

I just met you, but I can already tel-aviv you like backpacking Israel. (by Hostelgeeks ❤️)

I love to travel around South America. You are never Bolivia it how beautiful it is. (by Hostelgeeks ❤️)

Finally found some cover from the rain and was able to take a sigh of re-leaf.

Trying not to overdue it with the library puns, so I will put them on hold.

Might buy a boat schooner or later. For now a kayak will do.

– by instagram.com/welove

It was love at first flight.

When in Venice: Let’s get fizzical.

This place is rem-arc-able!

Traveling to the Bahamas is a pig deal! (by Hostelgeeks ❤️)

The ancient history behind this archaeological site makes it Saudi-sirable to visit.

Tropic like it’s hot.

When traveling, sometimes, Alaska local for directions.

Having suite dreams.

Suites in Hostels & Hotels: Of course, there are funny hotels puns as well with this. You can be creative here and turn your suite dreams into beautiful wallpapers too.

I absolutely love backpacking South America. You could say, I really Ecua-dor it. (by Hostelgeeks ❤️)

Oman was beautiful, now I Muscat-ch my plane.

That’s it!!!! I have to Quito my job and backpack the world. (by Hostelgeeks ❤️)

Read : best lockdown jokes

Having to unpack my suitcase after vacation is like the ultimate emotional baggage.

There is Norway I want to go back home.

It’s impossible to ruin this view!

Always a flamingo-od experience visiting Bolivia.

I never believed I could travel the world, but a friend of mine told Yucatan do it.

Every backpacker before a trip: Don’t know where to go? Just winging it.

It’s impossible to ruin the view of the Colosseum.

Travel Puns with City Names

With so many cities around the world, you can do pretty much endless puns. And this is not just with cities, but also countries and areas. Have a look, you will ecu-adore them for sure.

I love travelling to Croatia. Especially in summer, it is very hvarm. (by Hostelgeeks ❤️)

I once traveled around the Middle East. How? Well, I-ran. (by Hostelgeeks ❤️)

My favorite ream cheese is Philadelphia.

I will travel to France. After all, I have nothing Toulouse.

Moher Risk, Moher Fun!

I hear the deserts in Stockholm are very swedeaned.

When I travel to Australia, I need to earn some money. I was thinking about baby-sydneying.

My favorite meal and country to visit? Turkey.

You know what…PHUKET, I will travel now! (by Hostelgeeks ❤️)

I was backpacking the middle east…and OMAN, it was beautiful!

Why travel the world? Cusco’mon you only live once!

I once traveled to Puerto Escondido in Mexico…I could not find it! (by Hostelgeeks ❤️)

It is Amalfi-ly difficult having to leave Positano.

Having the best Thames in London!

What a Rome-antic city.

This country is un-belizable.

I am a Ghent-lemen.

The puns in Croatia were Hvar from satisfactory.

Where does Homer Simpson travel to? Oklahomer.

Bulgaria? Sofia, so good.

I am just rome-ing…

I’m Havana great time.

Beach Puns for Traveling

When traveling is possible again, I will beach you to it.

I once travel to Puerto Escondido in Mexico…I could not find it!

Lagos back to the beach!

Arrivederci, beaches.

Keep palm and carry on.

I need Vitamin SEA.

My favorite destination? Shorely Thailand.

It’s a-boat time we took a vacation!

Stick to the sea-nic route.

What is the favorite destination of a single guy backpacker? Isla Mujeres!

Sea you real soon.

How do you know if it is a friendly ocean? It waves.

There is so much still to sea.

I try not to get tide down in one place when there is so much to sea.

Life is better in slow m- ocean .

Best Funny Travel Food Puns

Obviously food plays a big role when we all travel this world. From Paella in Spain, Croissant in France to Burritos in Mexico and Sushi in Japan. And I would bet, you already have right now your favorite travel food in mind…am I right?

Therefore, food deserves its own travel food puns and world plays.

Scoops, I did it again.

Do you wanna taco about it?

My friends traveled way more than me while I was busy eating. Now I have to ketchup.

When I travel in Mexico, I am never burrito-ed.

When backpacking Belgium, time fries.

When backpacking France, time fries.

I want to travel to Argentina again, just to meat again.

When I am not hungry, I have nacho problem.

Do you want to travel together? Sure, let’s spice it up a bit.

I scream ICE-CREAM!

Another one bites the crust.

I like colorful things, it reminds me of my home in avocolorado.

This place stole a pizza my heart.

I love to travel and to eat. Yeah, I am a real weir-dough.

I am your biggest flan.

I appeachiate traveling with you.

I am always in a good mood when backpacking Mexico. So no queSADilla for me today.

I do-nut want to go home.

Summary for Best Puns for Travel

What does one traveler say to the other? Glad, you made it that far. Same here. I really hope you enjoyed this selection of my favorite funny travel puns. I added city names, beach quotes, countries and even food.

You know, pretty much anything you need for a vacation.

We are 100% Independent: Some links on Hostelgeeks are so-called affiliate links. If you decide to book through these links, we earn a small commission at no extra cost to you . Your support allows us to keep producing high-quality, independent content free of influence from hostels or external advertisers. Learn more here . 🙏

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Tour Guide Puns

A list of puns related to "Tour Guide"

Cardinal Directions

I told him they look oak-eh.

Tour guide: And did you know that if you live across from a cemetery, you can’t be buried there?

Me: What?? Why not?

Tour guide: Because you’re still alive!

...Thank you for visiting the two-wheeled, self-balancing personal transporter museum today; I hope you had a good time. Speaking of good times, check out the food court and gift shop before you leave.

Me: That's a Segway

She was showing me around a class and the different stuff that they do. A table she was showing me had a light in it and helps line stuff up

Her: "This is what we call a light table."

Me: "It looks pretty heavy to me."

But never made it past the Onbarding process.

So we were in glenwood springs and went into the caves. It seemed like a really normal tour and just as we're about to exit, the guide tells us to put our ears on the wall of the cave. We all did assuming it was some cool feature of the cave. The guide asks us what we think we're listening to. Some reply water and others reply erosion. The guide tells us we're wrong and all we're doing is listening to hard rock.

The Curatorium

"Get out of the whey!!!"

"Sorry to get cheesy on you guys, but we are in Wisconsin" I groaned as I walked by.

After finishing the tour of the majority of the Dallas Cowboys stadium, the guide told us to "feel free to roam around the field."

Me: "Are we allowed to Romo 'round the field?"

the persons name was richard

Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

EDIT: We plan to place it on the mug as a gift, so it should be relatively short

They especially enjoyed watching the clowns.

We won a backstage tour after the show, and happened to notice that all the people who were tallying up the tickets and sales were dressed as clowns, and happened to be little people...but none of them had been in the performances. When I asked the tour guide why they were dressed up even though they weren’t in the show, he replied, “Don’t you know? It’s the little jesters that count”.

"This is where the Magna Carta was signed," said the tour guide, "One the most important documents in English History."

"When was it signed?" asked Paddy.

"1215," said the tour guide.

"OH NO!" said Paddy, "We missed it by 10 minutes!"

Tour guide said “Hello, my name is Eileen.”

Was giving tours of various buildings at my university this morning, one of the rotations was our Nursing building.

A mom asked “Is this Nursing school harder to get into than others?”

Looking confused, I opened and closed the door a little bit before saying “Nah, the door’s not that heavy”

Literally all the dads laughed while the moms and their children collectively groaned.

“Watch our for the rain, dear.”

-a tour guide earlier today

The zoo tour guide told us that one of the snakes was sick. I blurted out "he must have a reptile dysfunction".

The husband looks at the cloudy sky and says "It looks like rain" His wife says, "No, it's just cloudy." Their tour guide, a Communist officer named Rudolph, overhears them and says "It will definitely rain." Sure enough, a few minutes later, the heavens open and the tour group runs for cover from the downpour. The husband turns to his wife and says "See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

The tour guid told an offensive joke about pesos, so I started to leave. He said "stop that was not what I mint"

The tour guide was telling us about the Boston molasses disaster, or as he called it…the Boston molassacre!

I was just on vacation in the Bahamas and took a tour boat to Paradise Island. The guide told us it used to be called Hog Island because of all the pigs, but it wasn't a very attractive name.

To solve the hog problem so the island could be developed, the locals killed them all and had a giant barbeque.

One could say they went hog wild . I hear at the barbeque they really pigged out .

We were taking a tour of a university and for the accomodation part of the tour they had a "demo" room so it was completely open plan and you could see everything. My dad asks the tour guide quite loudly "Do the actual rooms come with walls?"

Guide: I love questions, so at any point on the tour feel free to ask!

Me: Witches are part of the Wicca religion, correct? (Having little knowledge of it)

Dad: Don't ask the guide, look it up on....wiccapedia. Get it?

Tour guide laughs and I facepalm.

Last Saturday, I took a tour of a small private college with my mom and a friend who is considering going there. At one point in the tour, the tour guide begins to discuss her humanities classes that she took. One of them in particular was a class on Dante Alighieri's Divine Comedy , and she then began to mention her favorite part of the class was studying Inferno .

I then responded with, "Gee, I bet that was a hell of a class."

Groans and laughter then proceeded to consume the tour group, and the tour guide herself began to giggle.

So for some background, my dad's a tour guide in the UK and he was showing a group round Hampton Court Palace and in the gardens there's this maze . This is the text he just sent me:

>Dad joke at Hampton Court Maze - I have fine memories of Hampton Court Maze. I used to bring my children here...... If you see them could you send them home!

We were on a tour in China and at dinner, a guide announced that for the trip into the desert the next day they were going to dig us some make-shift restrooms.

My dad leans over to me and says "Ohhhhh, make- shift! " and we both lost it.

I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.

I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me after all.

"Maybe a career as a tour guide isn't right for me?"

maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me

maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.

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190 Funny Travel Puns & Vacation Puns for Instagram Captions

funny travel puns and vacation puns with a map and passport

In the realm of Instagram captions, travel puns and vacation puns reign supreme. They add the perfect dash of humor to your wanderlust-infused posts , turning them from simple trip updates into sources of joy and laughter.

As a travel writer and an expert in crafting Instagram captions, I’ve traversed over 40 countries , unraveling the humor tucked away in each journey. What I’ve learned from living abroad is that every step can inspire a giggle and every scenery, a joke.

That’s why, in this post, I’ve rounded up 190 of the most hilarious travel jokes , vacation jokes, and jokes about traveling to add that funny bone to your Insta game. These aren’t your average dad travel jokes but they are full of wit and creativity.

Brace yourselves, your Instagram captions are about to board a flight of hilarity.

* This post may contain affiliate links, which means I may receive a commission, at no extra cost to you, if you make a purchase through a link. Please see my full disclosure for further information.

Funny Travel Puns

Ready to embark on a journey filled with funny travel puns? These quips are more than just cheap flights of fancy—they’re first-class tickets to humor that will leave your followers in stitches. Buckle up as we journey through ten of the funniest puns about travel, crafted to lighten up your travel diaries.

Traveling to the USA? I’ve written up a comprehensive list of the best California puns , jokes about San Francisco , funny Hawaii puns and NYC puns for your reading delight.

“I’m Havana great time in Cuba!”

“2. You Rome around and end up in the most ‘pasta-tively’ amazing places!”

3. “Feeling ‘Finntastic’ in Helsinki!”

4. “I can’t ‘Belize’ how beautiful this place is!”

5. “Eiffel in love with Paris at first sight.”

6. “Venice to meet you, beautiful city!”

7. “You’d Bay-k-u to be as lucky as me in Azerbaijan!”

8. “Having a ‘whale’ of a time in Norway!”

9. “Fjord to choose one favorite spot, it would be Norway!”

10. “Beaches love my sunny personality.”

Short Travel Jokes

There’s a subtle art to crafting short travel jokes that pack a punch. It’s all about finding the funny in the fleeting moments, the unexpected stops and the bumpy flights. They are the condensed versions of our travel dad jokes, offering mirthful reflections on our shared wanderlust.

11. “Why don’t we ever play hide and seek with mountains? They always peak!”

12. “Why did the tourist get cold at the equator? He left his windows ‘polar’ open!”

13. “Why don’t secrets work on a vacation? Because even a suitcase can’t keep its lips sealed.”

14. “Why did the tomato turn red on vacation? Because it saw the salad dressing!”

15. “Why don’t airplanes ever get lost? They always take flight paths!”

16. “Why do travelers trust their cars? They always take them on road ‘trips’!”

17. “What’s a globetrotter’s favorite exercise? Cardio-van!”

18. “Why do tourists go to bakeries? They knead a break.”

19. “Why are road trips the best form of therapy? They help you find your route!”

20. “Why don’t globetrotters get tired? They always follow their wander-rest.”

yellow van driving on a road through organic red rocks make a great travel joke

Catchy Traveling Jokes

There’s something irresistibly contagious about traveling jokes. Perhaps it’s how they encapsulate our shared experiences, turning the quirks of our journeys into hearty laughter. These catchy traveling jokes are the perfect companions for your next adventure, adding a spark of humor to your shared experiences.

21. “How does a globe-trotter say goodbye? ‘Alpaca my bags!'”

22. “Why did the backpacker carry a map? He didn’t want to go off on a tangent!”

23. “Why don’t travelers get old? They keep going on new trips!”

24. “Why do globetrotters make great detectives? They always get the ‘route’ of the problem!”

25. “What do you call a country that only serves fast food? A ‘fast-paced’ nation!”

26. “Why did the photographer carry a clock on his journey? He wanted to ‘watch’ the world!”

27. “What do you call a well-organized traveler? Someone who ‘packs’ a punch!”

28. “Why are comedians the best travelers? They always crack up on their trips!”

29. “Why don’t tourists in Egypt ever get lost? They always follow their ‘mummy’!”

30. “What do you call a traveler who never sleeps? A ‘knight’ wanderer!”

Jokes about Traveling and Food

Travel and food are the perfect recipe for laughter. Stirring up humor from our culinary escapades, these jokes about traveling and food are a delectable addition to your Instagram captions, adding flavor to your mouthwatering images and stories.

31. “Why don’t we tell secrets at a campground? The potatoes have ‘eyes’, the corn has ‘ears’ and the beans ‘stalk’!”

32. “Why was the bread on vacation a ‘roll’ model? It never loafed around!”

33. “What’s a tourist’s favorite type of pasta? ‘Travel’-oni!”

34. “Why did the traveler bring yeast on his journey? He wanted everything to ‘rise’ to the occasion!”

35. “What’s a globe-trotter’s favorite type of party? A ‘tea’-party!”

36. “Why did the burger take a vacation? It wanted to ketchup on life!”

37. “Why are tacos the best travel companions? They always spice things up!”

38. “Why do travelers love a good brew? It makes them feel ‘hoppy’!”

39. “What’s a foodie’s favorite part of a journey? The ‘taste’ of adventure!”

40. “What do you call a well-traveled piece of bread? A ‘crust’-world traveler!”

colorful homes on the side of a rock cliff with water below

Funny Vacation Jokes

Vacations are the perfect time to unwind, relax, and share a hearty laugh. From the funny mishaps to the surprising discoveries, these funny vacation jokes encapsulate the lighter side of taking a break. So sit back, enjoy the humor, and get ready to LOL on your next holiday.

41. “Why don’t vacations ever get lost? They always follow the ‘holiday’ road!”

42. “Why are vacations the best comedians? They always crack you ‘up’!”

43. “What do you call a snowman on vacation? A ‘melt’-away!”

44. “Why did the traveler go on a diet during his vacation? He didn’t want any ‘extra baggage’!”

45. “Why did the sand blush on vacation? The sea waves!”

46. “What’s a vacation’s favorite type of math? ‘Sum’-mer math!”

47. “Why do vacations make great actors? They’re always in the ‘holiday’ spirit!”

48. “Why did the sun go on a vacation? It needed to lighten up!”

49. “What’s a tourist’s favorite type of music? ‘Trip’ hop!”

50. “Why was the beach the best vacation spot? It always waved ‘hi’!”

Best Vacation Puns

The best vacation puns are like the perfect travel snapshots – they capture the spirit of a place with a dash of humor. These pun-tastic vacation highlights are your secret ingredient for an Instagram caption that stands out. Visiting a hot destination? These are the perfect sunshine captions for your next post. Or perhaps a desert like the Sahara or Death Valley? These witty desert puns have you covered.

51. “Sea you at the beach!”

52. “Life’s a beach, enjoy the ‘waves’!”

53. “I’m in a serious ‘re-lake-tionship’!”

54. “Having a ‘shell’ of a time at the beach!”

55. “Keep palm and carry on!”

56. “Don’t ‘desert’ me now!”

57. “I’m all about that ‘beach’ life!”

58. “Beach, please!”

59. “Tropic like it’s hot!”

60. “Sandy toes, sun-kissed nose!”

bright blue water with green trees on an island puns

Airplane Puns

Up in the skies, there’s no shortage of humor. These airplane puns will take your Instagram captions to new heights, making sure your humor is flying high as you cruise through the clouds.

61. “Having a ‘plane’ awesome time up here!”

62. “I’m on ‘cloud nine’!”

63. “This trip is really ‘taking off’!”

64. “Just ‘winging’ it on this flight!”

65. “I’ve got that ‘jet-set’ mindset!”

66. “In-flight meals are really ‘plane’ food!”

67. “Life is better in the ‘sky-lane’!”

68. “Just ‘air-living’ my best life!”

69. “Feeling ‘first-classy’ up here!”

70. “This flight is absolutely ‘fly’!”

Witty Jokes about Flying

The miracle of flight is not just awe-inspiring—it can be downright hilarious, too! These witty jokes about flying will make sure your Instagram captions never have a layover from laughter.

71. “Why did the airplane get a timeout? It had a bad ‘attitude’!”

72. “Why don’t planes ever get tired? They have a lot of ‘fans’!”

73. “Why was the airplane always happy? It always took things ‘lightly’!”

74. “Why do birds not use Facebook? They already tweet in the sky!”

75. “What do you call a plane that’s afraid to fly? A ‘scared-e-cat’!”

76. “Why don’t planes ever get lost? They always ‘wing it’!”

77. “Why was the airplane always cold? It left all its ‘windows’ open!”

78. “What’s an airplane’s favorite game? ‘Runway’ or the highway!”

79. “Why did the plane go to school? It wanted to improve its ‘landing’ skills!”

80. “Why did the airplane bring sunscreen? It didn’t want to catch a ‘flair’!”

vintage camera and polaroid photos on a map puns

Map Puns for Travel

There’s something uniquely amusing about cartography, and these map puns capture that hilarity in the most delightful way. Navigate your way through these puns for an Instagram caption that charts a course to laughter.

81. “You ‘meridian’ my mind!”

82. “This adventure is ‘off the charts’!”

83. “Just ‘longitude’ and latitude!”

84. “Map my words, this trip is incredible!”

85. “Globe-trotting and ‘map’ plotting!”

86. “Finding my ‘latitude’ in life!”

87. “Life is ‘map’nificent!”

88. “Just ‘scale’-ing new heights!”

89. “I’m on top of the ‘map’!”

90. “Chart-ing my own path!”

Island Jokes for Vacation

Island life is the perfect setting for some beachy humor. These island jokes for vacation capture the fun, sun, and surf of a tropical getaway. They’ll make your Instagram captions as refreshing as a cool sea breeze. Heading to the beautiful Hawaiian islands? These Hawaii puns , inspiring Hawaii quotes or Maui jokes for Instagram have you covered.

91. “Why did the sand go to school? To become a little ‘brighter’!”

92. “Why was the beach so good at calming people down? It always waved ‘hi’!”

93. “Why do islands never get lost? They always ‘follow the current’!”

94. “Why did the island win an award? It was outstanding in its ‘field’!”

95. “What do islands use to make a call? A ‘shell’-phone!”

96. “Why was the ocean friendly to the island? It gave it a ‘wave’!”

97. “Why don’t islands ever go out of style? They always keep it ‘shore’!”

98. “Why was the island so popular? It was a ‘hot spot’!”

99. “Why did the island become a gardener? It loved ‘plantations’!”

100. “Why did the island go on a diet? It wanted a ‘beach body’!”

white lighthouse on rocks with ocean below

A stay at a hotel can be an experience full of fun, comfort, and yes, humor! These hotel puns are ready to check-in to your Instagram captions, providing a suite touch of laughter.

101. “Having a ‘suite’ time at the hotel!”

102. “This hotel stay is ‘room-arkable’!”

103. “Life is ‘maid’ better with room service!”

104. “At the hotel, I feel like a ‘guest’ star!”

105. “Feeling ‘inn’credible at this place!”

106. “I’ve got ‘lofty’ ambitions for this vacation!”

107. “Just ‘bed-ding’ down for the night!”

108. “Life is ‘suite’ at the top!”

109. “In a ‘roomantic’ getaway!”

110. “Having a ‘rest’-ful vacation!”

Puns about Countries

Travel is an opportunity to immerse oneself in diverse cultures, and these puns about countries are here to celebrate this vibrant tapestry of experiences. They’re a passport to laughter, ready to stamp their humor onto your Instagram captions.

111. “This country has stolen a ‘pizza’ my heart!”

112. “I ‘Russia’d to see this beautiful sight!”

113. “I’m ‘China’ have a good time here!”

114. “This place is ‘Egyp-tacular’!”

115. “India-ed, this journey is amazing!”

116. “Nothing can ‘matcha’ the beauty of Japan!”

117. “It’s ‘Swede’ to be traveling again!”

118. “Can’t ‘Belgium’-ine how lovely this is!”

119. “Greece-ing the wheels of my wanderlust!”

120. “I’m ‘Finland’-ing my travel groove!”

woman walking through at night through a city puns

Travel Jokes about Cities

Exploring the urban landscape can bring out some unexpected humor. Bright lights, bustling streets, and towering skyscrapers create a playground for laughs. These city-centric travel jokes, infused with metropolitan wit, will make your Instagram captions a hit in the concrete jungle. Heading to sunny San Francisco or LA? Grab one of these fun San Francisco quotes or LA captions .

Is London calling? Of course, I have you covered with the best London captions for Instagram , too.

121. “Cities have a lot of ‘paved’ achievements under their belt!”

122. “Urban planning is no ‘concrete’ science. It’s always evolving!”

123. “Ever notice how cities are always ‘up’ to something?”

124. “In city life, everything is ‘sky’-high, even the rent!”

125. “Cities can be quite ‘street’-smart when they want to be!”

126. “Metropolitan areas sure love their ‘grid’-locks!”

127. “Tall buildings are the city’s way of ‘reaching’ out!”

128. “City folks are always ‘rushing’, even when they’re not in a hurry!”

129. “Cities never ‘sleep’, they just take power naps!”

130. “Every city is a ‘boulevard’ of broken dreams and shiny new ones!”

Cute Tourist Jokes

Being a tourist often means embracing the unexpected, funny moments that make each trip unique. With these cute tourist jokes, your travel and puns infused Instagram captions will be as captivating as your holiday snaps.

131. “Tourists always have a ‘world’-wind romance with their destinations!”

132. “Every traveler has a ‘point’ of interest – the next adventure!”

133. “Tourists can really ‘map’ out their happiness!”

134. “Vacation photographs always have a ‘shutter’-fly effect on me!”

135. “Tourists often ‘fall’ for the charm of autumn travels!”

136. “Travelers are just ‘plane’ crazy about new adventures!”

137. “Tourists love to ‘sea’ the world, don’t they?”

138. “Globetrotters are the ‘reel’ deal when it comes to spinning travel tales!”

139. “Who else ‘beaches’ about the end of a vacation?”

140. “Tourists are always on a ‘roll’, especially when it involves sushi in Japan!”

Road Trip Puns

Hitting the open road is a quintessential part of the travel experience. Here, every turn and detour is an opportunity for a giggle or two. With these road trip puns, your Instagram captions about long drives will cruise through the laughter highway in style.

141. “Taking the ‘scenic route’ to happiness!”

142. “This road trip is ‘driving’ me crazy with joy!”

143. “I’ve got the ‘travel bug’, better ‘car’-antine myself!”

144. “Highway to ‘hell-o’ beautiful landscapes!”

145. “Just ‘road’-mancing the world!”

146. “Feeling ‘tire’-d, but the journey is worth it!”

147. “Living life in the ‘fast lane’!”

148. “I’m on a ‘roll’, nothing can ‘brake’ me!”

149. “Car trips always ‘fuel’ my sense of adventure!”

150. “I’ve got a ‘street’ sense for adventure!”

Fall Travel Puns

Autumn brings a cornucopia of color and charm to our travels. Here are some fall travel puns that will add a bit of seasonal humor to your Instagram captions, making them as crisp and delightful as an autumn day. I particularly love NYC in the fall with the beautiful orange leaves. If you happen to visiting, make sure to have one of these Central Park puns or Brooklyn Bridge captions in your back pocket.

151. “Having a ‘gourd’ time on my autumn travels!”

152. “I ‘fall’ for travel every time!”

153. “This journey is ‘unbe-leaf-able’!”

154. “I’m so ‘ready’ for sweater weather!”

155. “I ‘autumn’-atically feel happier when traveling!”

156. “Taking the ‘scenic route’ to fall in love with autumn!”

157. “Travel during fall? ‘Yes, I ‘leaf’ can!”

158. “Fall travels leave me ‘pumpkin’-d!”

159. “Autumn voyages really ‘rake’ in the fun!”

160. “Oh my ‘gourd’, this fall trip is amazing!”

man standing on a road and in the distance are mountain puns

Winter Travel Puns

Winter travels carry their own charm, with snow-laden landscapes and cozy firesides. These cool winter travel puns will add some seasonal sparkle to your Instagram captions, making them as inviting as a mug of hot cocoa on a frosty day.

161. “I’m ‘snow’ excited about this trip!”

162. “This journey is ‘flake’-ing awesome!”

163. “Winter travels always ‘melt’ my heart!”

164. “Having an ‘ice’ time on my winter getaway!”

165. “I’m ‘freezing’ these memories in time!”

166. “My travel spirit never ‘frosts’ over!”

167. “Ice to meet you, Winter Wonderland!”

168. “Winter vacations? ‘Snow’ problem!”

169. “I ‘sleigh’ when it comes to winter travels!”

170. “Stay ‘frosty’, my winter adventure has just begun!”

Spring Vacation Puns

Spring is a time of renewal, and what’s better than rejuvenating your senses with a lovely vacation? These spring vacation puns are as refreshing as a spring breeze, ready to blossom in your Instagram captions.

“171. I’ve got a ‘spring’ in my step on this trip!”

172. “This journey is ‘blooming’ marvelous!”

173. “Spring travels always ‘grow’ on me!”

174. “I’m ‘be-leaf-ing’ in the magic of travel!”

175. “This trip has ‘sprung’ me to life!”

176. “Time to ‘blossom’ in the city of love!”

177. “Having a ‘bud’-iful time this spring!”

178. “Spring vacation is a ‘breath’ of fresh air!”

179. “I’m ‘petal’-ing my way through this beautiful city!”

180. “Spring travels? ‘Yes, I ‘bud’ do!”

blue domed white building with flowers and ocean in the distance

Jokes about Summer Vacation

The sunny season of summer is the perfect time for travel and humor! These jokes about summer vacation will make your Instagram captions as hot as a day at the beach. So, get ready to dive into the laughter pool! There’s just something really special about watching the sundip below the horizon on a sandy beach. These sunset quotes are your ticket to social media fame.

181. “Summer vacations always ‘sun’d me good vibes!”

182. “I’ve got a ‘tan’-talizing tale from my beach travels!”

183. “The sea and I are ‘shore’ to be best friends!”

184. “Summer vacations? Always a ‘bright’ idea!”

185. “I can ‘beach’ about travel all day long!”

186. “Summer trips always ‘heat’ up my adventurous spirit!”

187. “This trip is a ‘ray’ of sunshine in my travelogue!”

188. “I’m always ‘shore’ of a good time on summer vacations!”

189. “Beach trips ‘sand’ me straight to happiness!”

190. “This summer vacation is ‘sun’-thing special!”

Best Travel Puns & Vacation Puns Conclusion

As we conclude this whirlwind tour of travel puns, vacation puns, and every conceivable form of hilarity in between, remember that the best trips are the ones that make us laugh at the journey as much as we marvel at the destination.

Whether it’s puns about countries, jokes about cities, or road trip dad jokes, the world is brimming with funny vacation jokes that can turn your next travel post into a landmark of wit and whimsy.

So, keep exploring, keep laughing, and most importantly, keep sharing the joy. Your Instagram followers, like eager tourists, await the next fun-filled update.

More Travel Captions for Instagram & Travel Quotes

Best London Instagram Captions & Quotes New York City Captions & Quotes Hilarious NYC Puns Funny California Puns Ultimate California Captions for Instagram & Quotes San Francisco Instagram Captions Funny SF Puns for Instagram Los Angeles Quotes for Instagram Hawaii Captions for Instagram Hawaii Puns Captions Sunshine Captions for Instagram Inspiring Sunset Quotes Road Trip Quotes for Instagram Hiking & Trekking Captions Lake Instagram Captions Nature Captions & Quotes

Haley is the founder of the global travel blog, Haley Blackall Travel. She has travelled to 40+ countries across 5 continents over the last 15 years and is considered an expert in her field.

She loves to share honest first hand experience from her travels. Her goal is to help readers planning their next trip by providing in-depth travel guides and recommendations for her favourite boutique hotels, things to do and travel itineraries.

Haley focuses her expertise on countries such as Greece, Turkey, Italy, Costa Rica, Australia, Sri Lanka and Indonesia.

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318 Hilarious Travel Jokes to Ignite Your Wanderlust

6 months ago

Mark Twain once sagely remarked, “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.” In the spirit of embracing the profound impact of travel on our perspectives, embark on a journey of laughter with our curated collection of travel jokes. This humor-laden odyssey promises to be your passport to the lighter side of exploration. As you traverse the landscapes of rib-tickling narratives and witty quips, let the wisdom of renowned travelers guide you. From the timeless allure of classic jokes about travel to the clever brevity of one-liners, our compilation spans the diverse spectrum of travel humor.

Table of Contents

Best Travel Jokes

Embark on a laughter-infused odyssey with our collection of the best travel jokes. From timeless classics to contemporary gems, these jokes about travel promise to keep your spirits high as you navigate the humorous side of globetrotting adventures.

Why did the calendar go on a road trip to Mexico? To experience “dates” in a new format. What’s a panda’s preferred way to explore the world? “Bear”-foot travel. Why did the suitcase attend a dance class before the vacation? To learn how to “waltz” through airports. What’s a robot’s favorite type of vacation? “Cyber”-getaways to the digital realm. Why was the smartphone so well-behaved during the trip? It didn’t want to be “cell”-f-centered. What do you call a dog’s blog about its adventures? “Bark”-narratives. Why don’t skeletons make good travel companions? They’re too “bone”-chilling. What’s a mountain’s favorite form of communication? “Peaks” and valleys in conversation. Why did the elevator visit a famous tower on vacation? To have an “uplifting” experience. What’s a frog’s favorite travel activity? “Leap”-frogging from one adventure to another. Why did the kangaroo bring a jump rope on the journey? To stay in “hop”-shape. What’s a scarecrow’s favorite way to explore new places? “Corn”-er to “corn”-er travel. Why don’t ghosts play hide and seek during road trips? They always “vanish.” What’s a tree’s favorite way to unwind during a vacation? “Root”-laxation under the shade. Why did the smartphone go to the art museum while traveling? To appreciate “cell”-culated art. Why did the calendar get sunburned on vacation? It forgot to pack “dates” lotion. What’s a vampire’s preferred way to explore a new city? “Bite”-seeing tours. Why don’t trees make good travel photographers? They have “trunk”-ated views. What do you call a dog’s travel vlog about its road trips? “Tail”-tales of adventure. Why was the computer bad at planning its vacation? It had too many “bugs” in its itinerary. What’s a monkey’s favorite mode of travel? “Banana”-bus for swinging adventures. Why did the mountain go to a spa on vacation? To have a “peak” pampering experience. What’s a snail’s favorite way to enjoy the beach? “Slow”-ly soaking up the sun. Why did the suitcase get a degree in geography before the trip? To become a “well-traveled” companion. What’s a robot’s favorite travel hobby? “Circuit”-boarding in new destinations. Why did the smartphone bring an umbrella to the desert? In case of “sand”-storms. What’s a cow’s favorite way to experience new cultures? “Moo”-sical immersion. Why don’t ghosts travel on windy days? They’re afraid of being “blown away.” What do you call a panda’s guide to international cuisine? “Bamboo”-naries. Why was the elevator always the life of the party on vacation? Because it knew how to “lift” spirits. What’s a dog’s favorite type of vacation music? “Howl”-iday melodies. Why did the mountain become a travel writer? It had the “summit” of stories. What’s a robot’s favorite way to relax by the beach? “Recharge”-ing in the sun. Why did the smartphone attend a cooking class during the trip? To serve “cell”-f-cuisine. What’s a cat’s favorite way to explore a new city? “Purr”-spectives from local cafes. Why did the calendar go on a wildlife safari? To experience “dates” with nature. What’s a frog’s favorite type of vacation transportation? “Leap”-frogs, of course. Why did the suitcase get a degree in packing before the trip? To become a “well-stuffed” traveler. What’s a tree’s favorite road trip activity? “Root”-beer tastings along the way. What’s a vampire’s preferred way to see the world? “Bite”-seeing tours to unique places. Why did the computer bring a flashlight to the camping trip? To “light up” the digital wilderness. What’s a cat’s favorite beach activity? “Purr”-fecting the art of sunbathing. Why did the smartphone apply for a job at the theme park during its vacation? To become a “cell”-ular attraction. What’s a mountain’s favorite type of music during a hike? “Rock”-n-roll tunes. Why did the suitcase bring a magnifying glass to the museum? To “magnify” its cultural experience. What’s a robot’s preferred type of vacation literature? “Sci-fi”-tion novels. Why did the calendar refuse to go on a long road trip? It preferred “short” getaways.

Funny Travel Jokes

Pack your bags and get ready for a comedic journey! Our funny travel jokes are your passport to laughter. Unwind and enjoy these rib-tickling tales that highlight the lighter side of exploring new destinations and the amusing mishaps along the way.

Why did the map consult a therapist before the road trip? To address its “fold” issues. What’s a mountain’s favorite kind of music? “Rock” and roll, naturally. Why did the camera go on vacation to the Alps? To capture the “peak” moments. What do you call a snowman’s travel blog? “Chill”diaries of a frosty explorer. Why did the robot book a cruise? It needed a “byte” of relaxation. What’s a vampire’s ideal travel destination? “Transylvania,” for some necks-level adventure. Why don’t scientists trust atoms during travels? Because they’re so “element”-ary. What do you call a cow exploring the countryside? A “moo”-sician on tour. Why was the calendar so popular during the road trip? It had “date”-saving qualities. What’s a ghost’s favorite way to travel? “Spirited” journeys. Why did the bicycle break up with the unicycle before the trip? It wanted a “two”-tire relationship. What’s an astronaut’s favorite dance? “The moon”-walk. Why did the suitcase apply for a job at the airport? It wanted to be a “bag”-gage handler. What do you call a bear with a travel blog? A “bear”-onaut sharing adventures. Why did the smartphone take a vacation to the tropical island? To catch some “data” rays. What’s a cat’s preferred travel mode? “Purr”-sonal jet, of course. Why did the backpack bring a sunhat to the North Pole? To stay “cool” in any situation. What do you call a fish exploring new waters? An “adven-tuna.” Why did the elevator book a trip to the Eiffel Tower? It wanted to be “uplifting” in Paris. What’s a kangaroo’s favorite travel destination? “Pouch”-tastic places. Why did the suitcase attend dance classes before the trip? To master the “waltz” through airports. What’s a scarecrow’s dream vacation spot? “Field” trips, where it’s always in “stalk.” Why did the smartphone enroll in a foreign language course? To say “hello” in many ways. What’s a spider’s favorite travel adventure? “Web”-slinging in exotic locales. Why don’t skeletons enjoy cruises? Because they have “bone”-chilling experiences. What’s a vampire’s favorite cruise activity? “Blood”-thirsty karaoke nights. Why did the computer book a trip to the cloud? For some “byte”-sized adventures. What’s a dog’s ideal vacation activity? “Bark”-becues by the beach. Why did the suitcase get a makeover before the trip? To have a “stylish” journey. What’s a witch’s preferred way to travel? “Broom”-stick rides, the magical way. Why don’t trees make good travel guides? Because they “leaf” you hanging. What’s a monkey’s favorite road trip snack? “Bana-na”-chips, of course. Why did the calendar refuse to plan a long journey? Because it only wanted “short” trips. What do you call a cat with a suitcase? A “purrrr”-petual traveler. Why was the mountain an expert in photography? It had a “peak” sense of aesthetics. What’s a unicorn’s favorite vacation destination? “Fantasy”-land, where dreams come true. Why did the smartphone go to a concert during its travels? To take “cell”-fies with the band. What’s a tree’s favorite vacation hobby? “Root”-beer tasting. Why did the suitcase enroll in an acting class before the trip? To practice its “bag”-gage acting. What do you call a penguin on a tropical vacation? A “flip”-flop enthusiast. Why did the snow globe go on a world tour? To “shake up” its life. What’s a horse’s preferred travel snack? “Hay”-stacks of carrots. Why don’t dragons make good travel companions? They tend to “burn out.” What’s a clam’s favorite mode of travel? “Shell”-ter to “shell”-ter vacations. Why did the backpack become a travel vlogger? It wanted to be “strapped” to adventure. What’s a robot’s favorite travel game? “Connect”-Four in various destinations. Why did the car attend the art gallery on vacation? To appreciate “drive”-able art. What’s a kangaroo’s favorite travel souvenir? “Pouch”-es full of memories. Why did the smartphone take a yoga class during its travels? To find “balance” in the digital world. What’s a frog’s favorite travel destination? “Hop”-tastic places for adventures.

Hilarious Travel Jokes

Indulge in a laughter retreat with our hilarious travel jokes. From airport antics to road trip ribbons, these humor-packed narratives promise a delightful escape. Discover the joy in the journey with these side-splitting tales of globetrotting merriment.

Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane? It was overbooked. How do you know elephants love road trips? They always pack their trunk. What do you call a magician on an airplane? A flying sorcerer. What kind of chocolate do airports sell? Plane chocolate. What’s the best way to travel with kids? Not to. Why shouldn’t you fly on Peter Pan Airlines? They Neverland. Why are mountains the funniest travel destination? They’re hill areas. What travels around the world but stays in a corner. A stamp. Why don’t fish travel? They’re always in school. What’s the cheapest way to travel? By sale boat. Why didn’t anyone like the airplane? It had a bad altitude. you hear about the itinerary for our hiking vacation? I’ll summit up nicely. Why don’t kangaroos like to travel? Their pouch potatoes. Why do some girls like to travel in groups of odd numbers? Because they can’t even. What do you call a traveler that’s always calm and collected? A nomad. What makes camping challenging? It’s in tents. Why don’t aliens travel to Earth? It has bad ratings, only one star. What do you get when you cross a snake with an airplane? A Boeing constrictor. What does bread do when it travels? It loafs around. What did the pig say after traveling to a hot destination? I’m bacon. Why don’t crabs take their family and friends on vacation? They’re shellfish. Why don’t photons have checked bags? They travel light. How do witches choose hotels? They look for the best broom service. Where does Santa Claus stay when he travels? The ho-ho-hotel. Which airline the barbers in the United Kingdom use? British Hair-ways. What do you do if you reach a fork in the road during a trip? Stop for lunch. Do you want to hear a joke about time travel? You didn’t like it. How do fleas travel? Itch-hiking. Why don’t bears travel with suitcases? They only bring the bear necessities. How do lobsters travel? By shell-icopter. Why did the coffee call the police while traveling? It got mugged.

Knock Knock Travel Jokes

Who’s there? A trove of knock-knock travel jokes that guarantee a chuckle at every destination! Open the door to laughter and enjoy these playful quips that add a whimsical touch to your travel experiences.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hawaii. Hawaii who? I’m good, Hawaii you? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Atch. Atch who? Bless you! Pack your bags; we’re going on a trip! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ken. Ken who? Ken I come on your vacation with you? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Europe. Europe who? No, you’re a poo! I’m Europe and I’m going on vacation. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in; we forgot our passports! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Jamaica. Jamaica who? Jamaica me crazy! Let’s travel together. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Just in time for a fabulous vacation! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive your bags are packed; let’s go! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Juan. Juan who? Juan more trip before the year ends! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tank. Tank who? You’re welcome. Where’s the next destination? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Alpaca. Alpaca who? Alpaca my bags; we’re leaving! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nana. Nana who? Nana your business where I’m going on vacation! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Owen. Owen who? Owen the plane takes off, we’ll be on our way! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Zoom. Zoom who? Zooming off to our next adventure! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Iceland. Iceland who? Iceland up the car; we’re going on a road trip! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vera. Vera who? Vera excited to explore new places with you! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cyprus. Cyprus who? Cyprus trees and sandy beaches—let’s go! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Howard. Howard who? Howard you like to go on a cruise? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Yacht. Yacht who? Yacht to know we’re sailing away soon! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Isle. Isle who? Isle be seeing you at the airport! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Peru. Peru who? Peru-sonally, I can’t wait for our trip! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Rome. Rome who? Rome wasn’t built in a day, but our vacation is! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Everest. Everest who? Everest-imated arrival time: our next vacation! Knock, knock. Who’s there? France. France who? France out your schedule; we’re going on a holiday! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tokyo. Tokyo who? Tokyo much luggage for our amazing trip!

Travel Jokes One Liners

In the world of travel humor, brevity is the soul of wit! Explore our collection of travel jokes one-liners that pack a punch. Short, sweet, and irresistibly funny, these quips are perfect for a quick laugh on your journey.

Why did the hot air balloon travel the world? It wanted to “rise” above it all. What’s a dolphin’s favorite way to travel? “Sea”-cruises, of course! Why did the computer pack its keyboard for the trip? To have some “key”-board shortcuts. What’s a robot’s favorite tourist attraction? “Tech”-tacular landmarks. Why was the calendar so confident during its travels? Because it always had “dates” planned. What’s a snail’s preferred travel mode? “Slow”-poke adventures. Why did the suitcase refuse to fly? Because it had a “zip”-lock on travel. What do you call a spider planning a vacation? A “web”-master of trip details. Why did the smartphone attend a travel photography class? To learn to take “cell”-fies. What’s a cow’s favorite road trip snack? “Moo”-n pies, a delightful treat. Why don’t ghosts take trains during their travels? Because they can “pass” through. What’s a kangaroo’s preferred way to travel? “Hop”-on, “hop”-off buses. Why did the mountain become a travel influencer? It had the “peak” of views. What’s a penguin’s favorite music genre during trips? “Ice”-solation, for chilled vibes. Why did the backpack bring a map to the desert? To “navigate” the sands. What do you call a kangaroo’s blog about its journeys? “Jump”-narratives. Why did the smartphone attend a travel etiquette class? To be a polite “cell”-mate. What’s a cat’s favorite vacation destination? “Meow”-tropolitan cities. Why did the camera take a trip to the bakery? To “capture” delicious memories. What do you call a dog with a travel vlog? A “vlog”-ger retriever. Why did the hot air balloon go on a diet before the trip? To have a “lighter” journey. What’s a robot’s favorite mode of travel? “Circuit”-ous routes, full of surprises. Why was the suitcase always in a rush? Because it had a “zip”-fastener. What do you call a monkey’s guide to travel photography? “Banana”-grams of wisdom. Why did the smartphone get a ticket to the comedy show on vacation? To enjoy some “cell”-lar humor. What’s a tree’s favorite road trip game? “Root”-Scrabble for wordplay. Why did the mountain start a travel blog? To share its “peak” experiences. What’s a squirrel’s favorite travel activity? “Nut”-sourcing adventures. Why don’t trees make good travelers? Because they’re “root”-ed to one place. What do you call a fish’s blog about its ocean voyages? “Fin”-teresting tales. Why did the elevator go on a sightseeing tour? To experience “uplifting” views. What’s a scarecrow’s favorite road trip snack? “Corn”-venient popcorn. Why did the calendar book a tropical vacation? To have endless “dates” with the sun. What’s a horse’s favorite way to travel? “Gallop”-ing adventures. Why did the suitcase enroll in a comedy class before the trip? To master “bag”-gage jokes. Why did the smartphone attend a cooking class on vacation? To learn “cell”-f-cuisine. What’s a turtle’s favorite way to explore new places? “Shell”-tering under the sun. Why don’t ghosts like to travel on planes? Because they can’t “spirit” through security. What do you call a cat’s guide to travel destinations? “Purrr”-fect travel recommendations. Why did the tree become a travel consultant? Because it had “branch”-es worldwide. What’s a robot’s favorite way to travel? “Transistor”-national journeys. Why did the suitcase enroll in a foreign language course? To speak “bag”-uage fluently. What do you call a squirrel’s travel blog about nuts? “Nut”-worthy adventures. Why did the mountain join a hiking club during its travels? To reach new “peak” friends. What’s a snail’s favorite road trip snack? “Slow”-dried fruit. Why did the smartphone bring sunglasses to the beach? To protect its “cell”-ves from the sun. What do you call a dog’s travel memoir? “Tails” of adventure. Why was the calendar excited about the road trip? Because it had “date”-filled itineraries. What’s a penguin’s favorite road trip treat? “Ice”-cream, of course!

Short Travel Jokes

Craving quick laughs for your on-the-go adventures? Our short travel jokes are the remedy! Dive into a world of witty brevity and discover the art of compact hilarity, tailor-made for your bustling travel itinerary.

Why did the computer book a flight? It wanted to go on a “byte”-seeing tour. What’s a snowman’s favorite way to travel? “Icing” the road, of course! Why did the suitcase always get invited to parties? Because it knew how to pack a good time. What’s a vampire’s favorite mode of travel? A “blood”-hound. Why was the math book so good at travel planning? Because it had too many “sum”-mer vacations. What do you call a deer with no eyes traveling? “No-eye”-dea! Why did the tomato bring a backpack to the airport? It wanted to be a “carry-on” traveler. What’s a witch’s preferred mode of travel? “Broom”-stick, it’s a magical choice. What’s a cat’s favorite destination? “Meow”-sland, a purr-fect paradise. Why did the smartphone get a passport? To make international “calls.” What’s a tree’s favorite travel accessory? “Root”-case for souvenirs. Why did the backpack apply for a job as a travel agent? It was good at carrying out travel plans. What do you call a traveling snowman with a sense of humor? “Frost”-trotter. Why was the suitcase such a great storyteller? Because it had so many “travelling” tales. Why did the bicycle bring a map to the amusement park? To find the “cycle”-path. What do you call a sheep with a suitcase? A “baaa”-ggage carrier. Why did the backpack bring a flashlight to the hiking trip? To “lighten” the load. Why did the ocean enjoy its travels so much? Because it had a “shore” thing going on. What’s a clown’s favorite travel destination? “Circus”-cruise, a funny adventure. Why don’t ghosts travel on rainy days? Because they’re afraid of “boo”-tiful weather. Why did the passport always get compliments? It had the best “cover” photo. What’s a shark’s favorite vacation spot? “Fin”-land, where the waters are deep. Why did the suitcase never make it as a stand-up comedian? Because it couldn’t handle the “bag”-gage. What’s an astronaut’s favorite place to travel? “The Milky Way,” for a stellar vacation. Why did the bicycle take a road trip? It wanted to “pedal” its way to adventure. What do you call a turtle exploring the world? A “slow”-vagabond. Why don’t spiders make good travel bloggers? Because they spend too much time “web”-surfing. Why was the math book terrible at travel planning? Because it could only count on “sum”-mer. What do you call a boat that’s always on vacation? A “yacht”-setter. Why did the smartphone get a library card before the trip? To download some “e-books.” What’s a cat’s favorite tourist attraction? The “Meow”-seum, of course. Why did the backpack bring a snorkel to the desert? It wanted to be a “sand”-sational traveler. What do you call a deer with no eyes traveling the world? “No-eye”-dea the explorer! Why did the tree book a trip to the mountains? It wanted to “branch” out.

Dirty Travel Jokes

For those with a cheeky sense of humor, our collection of dirty travel jokes adds a touch of spice to your journey. Unleash the laughter as we explore the saucier side of travel humor – because sometimes the best jokes are a little naughty!

A 21-year-old Texan was still a virgin, so he travelled to a brothel in Dallas to see what he’d been missing. He got the address of a reputable place and in no time at all he was in bed with an attractive hooker. She sensed he was inexperienced, so she took his hand and placed it on her money maker. “Is that what you’re looking for?” He said “I don’t know ma’am. I’m a stranger in these parts.” A traveling salesman walks up to a house. He knocks on the door, and it’s answered by a 10 year-old boy. The boy is wearing a bra and panties, smoking a cigar, and holding a beer in one hand. “Woah!” The traveling salesman exclaims, “Kid, are your parents home?” The boy asks, “What the fuck do you think?” Sex with your wife is like traveling by train… Nothing comfortable, but you will get where you need to. The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.” Time passes. The patrons filter out. Eventually the bartender grows old. His children mourn him at his passing, and meet the grave in their turn. The city crumbles under the intrigues of time and war, and new cities lay their foundations upon the old. These, too, crumble. Humanity itself grows old, and its bones are reclaimed by the earth. The sun expends its vigor until only a pallid red reaches the cracked land, where the last vestiges of life carve out their meager portion. A time traveler steps out into the barren landscape and says “Shit, I overshot the punchline.”

Travel Jokes for Adults

Adults deserve a good laugh too! Delve into our collection of travel jokes for adults, where wit meets wanderlust. These humor-laden narratives are designed to entertain the grown-up globetrotter with a penchant for playful banter.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything—just like travel brochures! I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. Maybe she’s just preparing for the altitude on our next mountain getaway. I asked the airline if my flight would have Wi-Fi. They said, “We do, but it’s so fly that it won’t catch up to you until you land.” Why did the passport break up with the visa? It needed some space. My travel plans are like my budget. Nonexistent. What did the suitcase say to the passport? “I’ll handle your baggage.” Why did the travel blogger go broke? Because he lost track of his life savings. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta. Just like those travel photos on social media! I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already. Why did the airplane break up with the airport? It needed space. I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. Never again. Why don’t scientists trust the ocean? Because it’s full of questionable waves. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels. I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough. Now, I’m a traveler because I need to go! What’s a vampire’s favorite mode of transportation? A blood vessel. Why did the travel agent go to therapy? Too much baggage. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. Why did the scarecrow become a successful travel agent? Because he was outstanding in his field. Why did the pilot get kicked out of school? Because he was a high flier. What did the beach say as the tide came in? Long time no sea. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman. Ready for that winter vacation! Why don’t skeletons go on vacation? They don’t have the guts.

Travel Jokes for Kids

Fuel the imaginations of young adventurers with our travel jokes for kids! From whimsical tales to clever quips, these family-friendly jokes promise smiles and giggles, making every journey an opportunity for shared laughter.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms during travel? Because they make up everything! What do you call a fish who loves to travel? A globe-trotter. How do you organize a space party? You planet! Why did the math book love to travel? It had too many problems. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved. How do you catch a squirrel before a trip? Climb a tree and act like a nut! Why did the plane go to school? To improve its altitude! What do you call a bear with no teeth about to go on vacation? A gummy bear. Why did the banana go on vacation? Because it had a peel-ing! What kind of shoes do ninjas wear for travel? Sneakers! Why did the cookie go to the airport? It wanted to catch a flight. How do you make a tissue dance during a road trip? You put a little boogie in it! What did the grape say before getting on the plane? “Nothing, it just let out a little wine.” What do you call a snowman on vacation? A puddle. How does a penguin build its house during a trip? Igloos it together! Why did the computer go on a road trip? It wanted to meet its motherboard. What kind of music do mummies listen to while traveling? Wrap music! Why did the bicycle fall over during the journey? Because it was two-tired. How do you make a lemon drop during a vacation? Just let it roll down a hill! Why did the tomato turn red during the trip? Because it saw the salad dressing!

Travel Jokes and Puns

Dive into the world of wordplay and wit with our travel jokes and puns. From clever twists on travel clichés to pun-tastic destinations, this collection guarantees a journey of laughs. Pack your sense of humor and let the pun begin!

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down! I used to play piano by ear, but the mosquitoes got mad. I’m reading a book about teleportation. It’s fascinating, but it never really goes anywhere. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. I’m going on a trip to France. I’m going to pack my bagsuette! I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind. I’m learning sign language, but it’s only a matter of time before I fall back on gestures. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough. I once got caught stealing a calendar, but I got off on a technicality. I used to be a marathon runner, but I couldn’t make it past the first sprint. I changed my iPhone’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now! I entered 10 puns into a contest, hoping at least one would win, but no pun in ten did. I went to the bank to get a loan for a hot air balloon. They said my credit was ballooning. Why don’t mummies go on vacation? They’re afraid to unwind! A friend of mine went camping and left his mattress at home. He couldn’t get a good night’s rest in his tent. It was too in-tents! What happened to the guy who lost his whole left side? He’s all right now. My friend asked if I wanted to go on a road trip, but I’m tendency to get car sick. I tried to take a trip to the bakery, but I couldn’t find a single loafing space. I was feeling lazy and didn’t pack enough clothes for my trip, so I had to buy more. I guess you could say I made an impromptu purchase. The Wanderlust Wordplay (Traveling Puns) Why did the traveler bring a pillow to the airport? Because they heard the trip was going to be plane boring! I traveled all the way to Egypt just to see if the Sphinx had seen things. I’m going on a trip to the wilderness, but I’m really trying to keep it as in-tents as possible. I went on a trip with my math teacher, but the angle of the trip was acute disaster. Never trust an atom, they make up everything. I tried to take a trip to the sun, but it just kept giving me the cold shoulder. The travel agent recommended the Black Forest for a vacation because it’s such a tree-mendous place. I asked the map if it needed any direction in life, but it said it was already headed in the right direction. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The wedding wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. I traveled to Antarctica to see the penguins, but I caught a cold and I had to just let it go. I don’t trust stairs, they’re always up to something! I went on a trip to the bakery, but it was a mission impossible to resist all the delicious treats. I traveled to Tokyo and realized I had 10 days to see everything. I was feeling under the weather, so I took a rain check. I went on an adventure at the library but got into a novel fight. It was a real page-turner. I traveled to Paris and was feeling the pressure to see everything. It was really stressing me out, but I had to say “oui can!”

Final Thoughts

As our laughter-filled expedition concludes, we extend an invitation to share your favorite travel jokes in the comments below. Laughter transcends borders, and your humorous jokes about travel may just be the next source of joy for fellow explorers. In the vast landscape of travel, the ability to find humor in our shared experiences connects us in unique and delightful ways. So, whether you’ve encountered amusing travel mishaps or crafted your own witty tales, let this space become a forum for communal merriment. Your stories add richness to the tapestry of travel humor. Safe travels ahead, and may every journey be sprinkled with the laughter that makes the adventure truly unforgettable.

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Jessie on a Journey | Solo Female Travel Blog

16 Short Funny Travel Stories That’ll Make You Laugh Out Loud

This post contains affiliate links to trusted partners. If you purchase through these links, I earn a commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you!

These short funny travel stories are sure to make you laugh!

From crazy travel stories involving bathroom mishaps to funny stories about language barriers to wild travel stories that take you on safari, this list is sure to make you chuckle.

I’ve even included a video sharing about my strangest Couchsurfing experience!

Before scrolling, I recommend grabbing your favorite beverage and getting comfortable, as we’ve got 16 fun travel stories below to help put a smile on your face.

After reading these funny true stories, feel free to share your own best travel stories in the comments below!

Table of Contents

Short Funny Travel Stories — That Are Also True!

1. file under embarrassing travel stories.

One of my most embarrassing funny stories happened while I was backpacking South America — specifically during a 4×4 tour from San Pedro de Atacama in Chile to Uyuni, Bolivia.

The trip takes you through the desert for three days to see otherworldly sites like hot pink lagoons where flamingos search for food, an abandoned train graveyard, and, the highlight, the world-famous Uyuni Salt Flats.

During the trip, you share a car with four or five other people.

At one point, I was sitting in the front seat and it was getting really hot in the car. Our driver didn’t speak English, but I spoke decent Spanish — or at least I thought I did.

“Estoy caliente!” I said, looking right at the driver. To my confusion, instead of rolling down a window, he looked horrified…or maybe confused?

I decided it was probably my New York accent confusing him. “Estoy caliente!” I said again, this time in what I thought was a more local-sounding accent. He looked even more horrified-slashed-confused.

Suddenly, the one native Spanish speaker in the car spoke up from the back:

“Umm, I’m assuming you’re not meaning to tell the driver you’re horny, right?”

Apparently, the way I was saying “I’m hot” literally translated to, well, another meaning of the phrase. As I turned bright red, I decided I didn’t really need the window open and would just sit in silence and try to disappear by melting in the car seat.

But hey, when it comes to learning a language while traveling, embarrassing mistakes can certainly be a great teacher. Plus, I can add this to my list of hilarious vacation stories to share at parties.

-Jessie Festa, Jessie on a Journey

2. My Craziest Couchsurfing Story

Here is one of my most interesting travel experience stories .

For this anecdote, which is part funny travel story and part horror travel story , you’ll have to watch the video below:

One of my favorite funny travel videos

By the way, if you like crazy and funny travel story videos like this one, make sure to subscribe to my YouTube channel and hit the bell icon so you get notified when future videos publish.

I’ve already got a few more short travel stories recorded and scheduled to come out over the next few weeks!

3. An Unpleasant Night With Bob Marley

My funny travel experience happened during a trip to Morocco in 2015, when my husband and I spent a couple of days in the Sahara Desert as part of a tour group.

I was super excited to ride a camel for the first time and spend a night in a Bedouin tent in the desert. Little did I know that I was about to experience the longest and most unpleasant night of my life.

Our camel ride started with me hanging upside down from the saddle with one foot in the air. My camel, Bob Marley, had decided to stand up before I could settle into the saddle.

I held onto the saddle for dear life as our Bedouin guide pushed me up onto the camel’s back. Bob Marley let out a grunt of disapproval, and we rode off. I thought I was in for a bumpy ride; but save for the fact that the camel in front of me, named after Jimi Hendrix, was having a bad case of gas, it turned out to be a very pleasant journey.

After dinner and some impromptu drumming around a bonfire, my husband and I retreated to our tent for a good night’s sleep. Our bed was just a mattress on the carpeted ground.

Despite cocooning myself in a couple of thick blankets, I was shaking from head to toe. My husband fell asleep straight away, and so did the other people in our group — judging by the cacophony of snores that filled the air.

Two hours later, I was still wide awake — and freezing cold.

Thankfully, the snoring started to subside and I gradually drifted into dreamland, only to be jolted out of my sleep by a very loud and unusual noise. It sounded like a bellow and was followed by a very awful smell.

I tried to go back to sleep, but someone or something started to chew loudly. And then another groan, another unpleasant smell, and more loud chewing. This went on for at least another two hours.

After what felt like a never-ending night, I checked the time. To my delight, it was time to get up to watch the sunrise. I stumbled out of our tent, grabbed a glass of freshly-brewed mint tea, and dragged my sleepy body out of the Bedouin camp.

There, stationed just outside the tent where my husband and I had spent the night, was Bob Marley, Jimi Hendrix, and the entire caravan. Bob Marley made direct eye contact with me, and I could swear I spotted a smug grin on his face.”

– Daniela from Grumpy Camel

4. Trying To Pee On A Bumpy Bus Ride

If you enjoy travel love stories , this trip tale from our honeymoon has a humorous twist.

While visiting Sapa, Vietnam on our honeymoon, we had to fly into the large city of Hanoi.

From Hanoi, we could have either taken a bus, a train, or a rental car up to Sapa. Because we are cheap, we decided to take the bus. Even further, we booked an overnight bus trip, so that we could save one night of accommodation booking.

We showed up at the bus station at 11:30 pm for our midnight departure, and everything was going well. We boarded the bus and got to our beds, which was a row of five plastic cots wide with no cushions. We did get a blanket, though, and settled in for the night on our uncomfortable beds.

At about 3:00 am, I woke up and had to pee. We were on the freeway, and the driver only spoke Vietnamese, so I couldn’t communicate the fact that I needed to pee.

In the commotion, the driver also noticed there was a payment issue with our booking, which my now-awake husband was trying to figure out.

I still had to go, and it was becoming an emergency. The bus was still rocking and rolling down the Vietnamese highway. It was 3:15 am, my bladder was bursting, and my new husband was trying to have a Google Translate conversation with the driver to figure out our booking.

I tried to get my pee emergency into the Google Translate conversation, with no luck. All I got was my husband giving me a bottle.

A soda bottle?! What was I supposed to do with that?! The mouth of that thing was the size of a thumb. I am not the Jason Bourne of pee-aiming.

Realizing my choices were non-existent, I tried to use the bottle. After some awkward maneuvering, I opened the floodgates and, as you might have guessed, peed all over my bed…and my husband’s.

Thankfully, the sound of the pee spraying on the plastic beds did not come to the attention of any of our neighbors or the bus driver. Or maybe he purposely ignored it.

After figuring out the booking issue, my husband scooched back into his bed only to realize that Lake Urine had formed in the middle of it.

After some shock and stifled laughter, we cleaned it up with one of our blankets, had an extremely uncomfortable three more hours of travel, and finally pulled into Sapa. We couldn’t get off that bus fast enough.

On the bright side, it’s one of our favorite funny stories about traveling to share.

– Zach and Julie from Ruhl of the Road

5. The Time I Had My Boobs Massaged In Morocco

Our favorite short funny story to share is all about massages and spa experiences in Morocco.

They are supposed to be tranquil, soothing, and calming. But what happens when you try to have a relaxing spa experience in another country without doing your research?

You could find yourself swimming in your underwear and having your boobs massaged, that’s what!

When my husband and I were in Morocco, we decided to go for a traditional Moroccan Hammam massage at our hotel…and all kinds of hilarity ensued!

First, we were asked to get undressed by the staff who only spoke French, so there were a lot of frantic hand gestures going on.

Then we were taken to a room where straightaway we could see a woman being rubbed down while completely naked.

No robes, no doors… just all kinds of naked. We were shocked and immediately started thinking: “Wait…is this what a hammam massage is like?”

Thankfully, not in our case, but it doesn’t get much better.

We’d worn our underwear because we actually thought we were just getting a pleasant back massage like in the UK.

We were wrong.

We were taken to a steam room where we were rubbed with mud in front of strangers and then asked to shower it off. Next, we found ourselves swimming in a saltwater pool. All of this while in our everyday underwear!

And then finally we got to the massage part where we were separated and I was asked to strip completely naked.

This was fine while lying on my front but then came the fateful word:

Yep, this was when I found myself having my boobs massaged by a total stranger!

Moral of the story:

Do your research. And don’t wear underwear to a Moroccan hammam massage. Go for swimming gear just to be on the safe side.

– Justine from Wanderers of the World

6. When Nature Calls, Literally

I have many funny short stories about travel, though one of my favorites to tell happened in the Serengeti.

Now, there are a lot of really awesome things about camping in the Serengeti:

It’s a relatively affordable way to go on safari. You meet other adventurous people. You’re camping in the freaking Serengeti! Like, hello, how cool?!

However, there may be one or two less-than-stellar things about this type of safari…like not knowing what’s outside your tent during the night.

Personally, I didn’t really want to come face-to-face with the hyenas — or anything else — that I knew could be out there. My method of avoidance came down to not drinking too much water during the day. Other than the bathroom, nothing could draw me out of my tent at night.

Well, one day I was thirsty and had more to drink than I should have.

The result?

You guessed it — I needed to pee pretty bad by about 3 am.

Let me take you back a few hours though, to the afternoon. We were making camp that night at a spot that was to be shared with some of the park rangers. Earlier in the day, the rangers had brought a goat to camp. I thought they were taking this goat further on their journey and I didn’t think about it past that.

Well, guess what the rangers had for dinner?

That night, from the safety of the tent, we could hear the hyenas munching away on the leftovers. It was gruesome.

It also meant that I absolutely knew the hyenas were in the camp, right between me and the bathroom. Well, by 3 am, I was desperate and cared less about the hyenas than about my bladder.

However, we’d been strongly warned not to go out by ourselves. So, I asked my friend if she wanted to go on an adventure. She said no and advised I go back to sleep.

I tried; I really did. An hour later, I asked her again, “Isa, want to go on an adventure?”

Her answer hadn’t changed.

Just behind our tent were the dining cabin and a small hill. I was desperate. Really, my bladder was going to explode. I went just behind the tent, right up to that hill, and did my thing.

After, I went back into the tent and didn’t stray anywhere close to where the campfire had been, and the hyenas currently were. I was safe! I didn’t get eaten or attacked by anything. Basically, I was Superwoman!

The next morning we were packing up our stuff to go on that day’s safari when our guide casually asked if we had heard the lions the night before.

Nope, we hadn’t heard them. Apparently, they’d been close.

Their lair?

Just on the other side of the small hill behind the camp.

This one definitely goes on my list of crazy yet funny adventure stories!

Lindsey in Moscow. Photo courtesy of Lindsey Puls.

7. Naked & Confused In Moscow

Naked and confused in Moscow? Yes, you read right. This is one of those funny vacation stories that you won’t forget…

I thought I knew all that there was to know about Russian banyas — until I found myself in Moscow, lying naked and sweating to death on a table in front of 12 other naked women of varying ages, who were all strangers to me, getting flogged with a couple of birch branches by a kind but very strong woman named Olga.

And I had actually paid for this beating. It’s all part of the experience!

In short, a banya is similar to a sauna. The biggest difference, though, is that a “banya” has high levels of humidity in it, while a sauna will have dry air. They’ve been a part of Russian life for over a thousand years.

Another interesting aspect of the Russian Banya is flogging using birch twigs ( venik ). This is supposed to benefit your health and improve your immune system, and honestly, if you have someone who knows what they are doing, it does feel really good.

I knew when I signed up for this that I would likely have to be naked for this flogging — I had done it before in a private bathhouse; however, this was my first time in a public banya, and I didn’t expect to be on display for the rest of the banya goers while it was happening! I was envisioning this to be a little more, ah, private?

But there I was, naked as the day I was born in front of everyone, getting smacked around by Olga as she shouted commands in Russian…which I imagine was something like, “Now, flip over! Raise your legs! Cover your boobs! Scoot your butt down further!”

Actually, though, I had no idea what she was saying. So, she gave up and just started pulling me and moving my naked body parts to where they needed to be — much to the amusement of everyone in the banya, who were not shy about their giggles!

Olga hit/massaged almost every square inch of my body with the branches. Then, once she was done, she led me by the hand to a shower area, sat me down, and threw a cold bucket of water over my head. And then a warm one, followed by another cold bucket. My body was thoroughly shocked after that!

Needless to say, this banya experience was a little less relaxing than my previous experiences with it; however, I still felt like a million bucks after it was done, and I will absolutely do it again.

– Lindsey from Have Clothes, Will Travel

8. A Short Story About Traveling That’s Out Of This World (Literally)

When the weather starts to warm up we love heading to the beach for a few days. Any beach really, though Miami holds a special place in our family’s hearts. We even have a favorite hotel by the beach that we always stay at.

During one such trip, after a few days of being lazy on the beach and spending way too much time walking the boardwalk, we decided to go for a drive.

We rented a car for the day and drove to Key West. Our plan was to enjoy a scenic drive on Highway 1 and maybe try some key lime pie and head back, but the day turned out to be more memorable than that.

It was a breathtaking drive and we kept our eyes glued to the window. The scenery was gorgeous and felt like we were driving over water.

Driving from Miami to Key West takes about three hours on the scenic coastal Overseas Highway. When we were closer to Key West, suddenly Mr. Suburbia — aka my husband — stopped the car, grabbed his camera, and ran out looking up at the sky — leaving me looking at him bewildered.

After a few minutes of looking and pointing at a shiny object in the sky, he was pretty thrilled to announce he’d spotted a UFO. I should mention here that hubby loves his Sci-Fi movies and UFO shows — the likes of Project Blue Book — and strongly believes we are not alone.

We eventually got back in the car, stopped at a nearby store, and asked someone in the parking lot:

“Do you see that shiny thing in the sky?”

The man looked up and casually responded, “Do you mean that weather blimp?”

We came to find out later that what we saw in the sky was “Fat Albert” or a version of the radar aerostat blimp that the US Drug Enforcement Administration uses to keep an eye on shipping hereabouts.

The shiny object in the sky was not an unidentified flying object or alien craft but a weather blimp. It is one of the short funny travel stories that always come up when we talk about our trips.

It starts with one of the kids saying “Remember the time when dad thought he saw a UFO…?” and always makes us laugh.

– Priya from Outside Suburbia

9. An Unpleasant Travel Experience With A Ghost Shrimp In Spain

When it comes to funny short travel stories, there is one I always love to tell.

A few years ago I had a wonderful trip to Andalucia, Spain, together with my family.

We spent hours road tripping to the best places in this region and enjoying Spanish culinary delights like fresh seafood and delicious produce. Grocery shopping at local markets was definitely a highlight of the trip.

To get around, we rented a car from a recommended company. We were lucky enough to receive a car of a better standard than what we ordered. It was a nicely-equipped van, with key-free unlocking, automatic doors, and a lot of space inside. Quite luxurious, I must say.

At one point during this one-week trip, we opened the door of our car and were met with a horrendous stench. We almost passed out. Our first thought was that something must have died inside.

We noticed that the stench was coming from the trunk. It turned out that a little bit of liquid had escaped from the bag with fresh shrimps the evening before.

We tried to clean the trunk with cleaning supplies found in our rented apartment. Then we found out some homemade methods to remove the smell. Desperate, we even tried out a special freshener for domestic animal scents.

But, alas, the ghost of the dead shrimp was still there. For the rest of the trip, we drove with all of the windows open.

Before the last day, we headed to the gas station. I popped into the shop to look for car fresheners. My mom was more resolute and tried to have a conversation with the staff — note here that we’re Polish, and she can genuinely only say a few words in Spanish.

She pinched her nose, made a telling gesture, and said “car fish caput.” The service guy started to laugh but he luckily understood her. And after a short while, he came to our car with a huge specialist atomizer and sprayed all the interior. We were so grateful because the problem seemed to disappear.

But the awful smell came back the next day; the day of our departure.

Early in the morning, we left the apartment and headed to the car rental agency. We were stressed about what the agency’s employee would say about the smell and we were wondering if insurance would cover such an incident.

Luckily for us, the moment we locked the car on the agency parking while waiting for the service was the last time the car key-pilot worked. At that moment, the battery died. The car agency representative wasn’t able to open the car.

And because it was so early in the morning, the main office with the spare keys was still closed, and this guy was taking care of the parking only. He noticed we had purchased full car insurance and only asked if we refilled the gas tank.

When we returned home we found an email from the car rental agency with an appreciation note for using their services. So we assumed the weird smell was covered by the insurance. While back then we were embarrassed about that incident, we now look back at it with a smile.

Always purchase full insurance. You never know when a shrimp decides to escape.

– Dominika from Sunday in Wonderland

10. A Massage In An Unexpected Place

This is one of those stories that will make you laugh!

I worked in Beijing for many years. I used to go to a place called Dragonfly for massages, which I really liked. One time I was in an area of Beijing that I was not familiar with and wanted a massage.

The local Dragonfly was just too complicated and far away to get to, so I decided to go elsewhere and try something different.

I remembered I had seen what appeared to be a massage parlor a few blocks from where I was staying, and I walked over. The location didn’t look exactly like the type of spa place I was familiar with.

I guess that should have been my first warning.

It had pictures of smiling women in the window that I supposed were the various massage therapists. Flashing neon lights in blues and reds decorated the outside.

To be honest, I felt a tad apprehensive but thought that was just because I had never been there before. I know from experience that many times things might feel strange in unfamiliar cultures, but once you dive in, chances are you’ll discover a wonderful new experience or location, or a delightful food you never tasted before.

With this in mind, I went in.

Inside I tried to communicate that I wanted a massage to the woman attendant. I rubbed my shoulders with kneading fingers pantomiming a massage. She disappeared into a dark room and quickly returned with another woman who asked me something in Chinese.

I repeated my pantomime and the two women engaged in a long and animated conversation behind a beaded curtain. I couldn’t understand what the confusion was.

Finally, they led me to a small, dimly lit room with what I took to be a massage table in the middle. I disrobed and lay face down on the table as I normally would.

A woman came in and started to give me a massage. It wasn’t a great massage but certainly adequate. After an hour the woman indicated the massage was over and gave me a cup of green tea. I paid, gave the lady a tip, and went back to my hotel.

The next day was Monday. Everyone came into the office discussing their weekend. I told my colleagues about my massage.

“Oh! Don’t tell me you went all the way to Dragonfly?!” a colleague asked surprised. I explained my massage experience at the spa a couple of blocks away.

After identifying the exact location, they told me that was a high-end brothel. Everyone had a good laugh at my expense. I suppose they’re still laughing.

-Talek from Travels With Talek

11. Hammock Hanging Newbie

One of my favorite funny short stories traveling happened when I spent a semester studying abroad in Cuba in 2009, which was actually my first international trip.

There are many beautiful things about Cuba, perhaps the best one being the peoples’ resilience and creativity in solving problems and getting by without having access to the things we take for granted.

I, in fact, had to learn some of that craftiness myself.

Not long after we arrived, I bought a hammock at an artisan market in Havana. I couldn’t wait to hang it up, and there was a perfect pair of trees on the grounds of the apartment-hotel where we were staying.

There was just one problem. I couldn’t find rope anywhere. I must have gone to five hardware stores. No rope to be found!

I ended up picking up some pieces of cloth and old electrical wires in a vacant lot. Now I thought I was good to go.

Back at the hotel, one of the security guards helped me out — thank goodness for the kindness of strangers — and I settled in with a Cuba Libre and my book to enjoy relaxing in the hammock for the first time. Until…

The cloth broke about 10 seconds later and I ended up on the ground covered in rum and Coke!

Along with my newfound security guard friend, we tried several more times to get it to stay hung, me falling on my butt several more times as well.

Two of my classmates apparently had quite the laugh watching from the window and had even taken a video of these failed attempts. Fortunately, that video got lost or erased somehow before it was shared with the whole group.

Undeterred, I ventured back out and found some thicker cables. With those, I finally succeeded in getting that hammock hung. I even carried it around much of the island and hung it on my porch back home in the US for years afterward with those same cables.

Lessons learned were that perseverance matters, always check your hammock is stable before trying to enjoy a drink in it, and if you’re unsure, make sure no one’s watching from the window!

– Adam from Cartagena Explorer

12. A Road Trip With A Resilient Mouse

Here is an adventurous trip story that takes place in Death Valley National Park, which my friends and I thought got its name because nothing lives there.

While cooking dinner in the campground, one of us had an idea to open all the car doors in the evening to release the stale air inside.

This didn’t turn out to be a very good idea.

The next morning, we packed everything up and got ready to discover other parts of Death Valley, when suddenly a mouse jumped on my legs!

“Boys, we have a mouse in the car!” I screamed.

My brother turned to me disbelievingly. “What are you talking about?!”

I got a similar gaze from Jakub, who nervously asked, “Are you sure?”

The mouse quickly disappeared, and I was left trying to get the rest of the group to believe me.

The truth came out the next morning, though. Jakub grabbed a pack of pasta and it started to spill all over the car trunk. The mouse must have bitten a hole in it.

Now they believed me, and we set off on a mission to rid the mouse from the car.

Our first plan was to download a number of mobile apps producing squeaky anti-mouse sounds. In the evening, we opened everything possible and turned on our phones to maximum volume. After a while, we were going crazy due to this terrible sound. The mouse, on the other hand, didn’t mind at all and, I can only imagine, quietly laughed at us.

In the morning, we found more mouse damage — a leaking barrel of water had soaked half of our things, and the mouse had eaten through my headphones. Plus, we were starting to worry about the car’s electricity.

We decided our next step was to go to Walmart for traps. Before heading to bed we carefully filled the traps with cheese and spread them evenly throughout the car, eager to see if we captured the mouse by morning.

Unfortunately, when we woke up they were empty — and we found more holes in our packed food. There was pasta everywhere!

It was clear that if there was enough food in the car, the traps wouldn’t be interesting for her.

On the other hand, we understood the mouse. She probably hadn’t seen that much food in her entire life in Death Valley and suddenly there was this huge banquet! What mouse wouldn’t want to explore such a rodent paradise?

She traveled with us over 600 miles before we got to Yosemite National Park. This journey brought new hope to our struggle.

Bears rob 130 cars a year in Yosemite, so there are bear boxes in every campground. Therefore, we completely unloaded our car. Every crumb was removed.

It was our last hope. If it didn’t work, nothing would.

We set up the traps and went to sleep, and in the morning there she was, one of the fattest mice we’d ever seen. We agreed that’d she’d probably just had the most amazing “all-inclusive trip” of her life.

– Matěj from Czech the World

13. An Unexpected Fall Into Crocodile-Infested Waters

If you’re looking for funny adventure stories that are also a bit scary — or even travel disaster stories — this one is for you.

Safari tourism hadn’t really taken off when we visited Malawi in 2010 during an overland trip through Africa.

Health and safety weren’t major considerations, and it was certainly a far cry from the safaris we did in South Africa , Tanzania, and Botswana.

Arriving at Liwonde National Park in the south of Malawi we were excited as we knew it was a great place to spot elephants.

We relied on our campsite to book a canoe safari for us. Luckily, as soon as we set off we spotted loads of elephants — and even hippos — along the shoreline.

The trip leader in the canoe behind us suddenly shouted to our guide. Then there was an unexpected bump and we were thrown out of the canoe.

Our canoe had been flipped by a hippo!

The moments that followed were a blur. Thankfully local fishermen had seen the commotion and came over to help. We knew that there were crocodiles in the water as well as hippos and wanted to get out as soon as possible. We managed to haul ourselves into the fishermen’s canoes and were paddled back to the shore.

Amazingly nobody had been hurt and we were very thankful to the local fishermen. While we were drying out, we were pretty shocked to be asked to pay for the trip. They finally settled for a 50% reduction and we paid with the wet notes from our wallet.

We weren’t traveling with smartphones in those days so finding a reputable tour company was a bit hit and miss.

Often, there are lessons to be learned through these stories of travel. These days we would recommend Googling reputable tour operators, although as with all wildlife adventures, always expect the unexpected!”

– Jacquie from Flashpacking Family

14. Remembered By The TSA

One of my favorite short funny stories to tell is this one.

I traveled out of the Kansas City airport about every other week for the past three years.

Before I leave my house, I clean out the fridge and put any fruit that would go bad into a stasher bag.

I have TSA Precheck but have learned it’s just easier to pull it out of my purse into a bin and it won’t ever get questioned.

Last summer I was going through and the X-Ray guy says, “Hey! It’s strawberry girl!”

Then three others perked up and waved to me.

Except for that day, it was sliced peaches, and I felt like I let them down.

-Katie Boutwell, Katie B Traveling

15. Confusion In Small-Town France

I feel like this is one of those relatable funny stories because who hasn’t ended up in the wrong location?

In 2019, my husband and I took a trip to France to attend the wedding of my former exchange student, Christelle.

The day after the wedding, we set off from our hotel to the small village of Montcourt-Fromonville to attend a luncheon for close friends and family.

Shortly after arriving in the small village, we happened to pass Christelle’s family gathered in a small parking lot. We wondered if we should stop, but they didn’t look settled, and Google Maps was continuing to direct us.

We drove further, and eventually, Google Maps did the thing where it says you have arrived, but you look around and don’t know where you’ve arrived to.

My husband and I were very confused. Per the invite, the destination was called Chateau de la Mairie de Montcourt-Fromonville, but there was no address associated with it. When I typed it into Google, it came up as being a city hall.

Looking around the vicinity, we did see a castle-looking building in the distance, but it seemed way too fancy for a luncheon. Plus, would Christelle really be having her luncheon at a city hall?

We turned around and decided to go back to the parking lot where we had originally seen Christelle and her family. Of course, when we got there, no one was outside anymore. We approached a residential building nearby, thinking perhaps the luncheon was at someone’s personal residence there and snooped around a little bit.

Unfortunately, there were no signs of any gatherings in this quiet building. As we walked away, I heard a voice behind us say, “Bonjour.”

Turning around, I spotted a woman I had never seen in my life and wondered how I would explain our apparent snooping in French.

“Nous cherchons une fete.” (We are looking for a party)

The woman continued to stare at me.

“Pas ici?” (Not here?)

The woman shook her head “no” with a confused look on her face. Feeling her eyes upon us, we immediately left before further damage could be done with my limited French.

Frustrated, we followed Google Maps back to the lovely castle-looking building. Now we saw more cars there, and we thought maybe that was the location after all.

Our suspicions were confirmed upon parking outside of the chateau “city hall” where we were relieved to finally find Christelle and her family.

We were very grateful this was such a small village. Otherwise, I’m not sure how much bad French I would have had to stumble through before finding the luncheon!

– Theresa from Fueled by Wanderlust

16. An Unexpected Mountain Encounter

One of my most interesting vacation stories happened a few years ago. My younger brother and I decided to take a drive from Oklahoma City to the Wichita Mountains Wildlife Refuge to see if we could get any photos of the bison herds that live there.

We couldn’t find any, unfortunately, but we did find some very ornery longhorn cows!

We drove up to the visitor’s center to get directions to where the bison were at the moment, but we couldn’t get out of the car. There was a small group of about four longhorns gathered around watching something. When we got close enough to see what was so exciting, we realized that there were two teenage-looking steers fighting with their horns locked!

We wanted to watch the fighting because it was so entertaining — and not what we were expecting — but we learned that it was a mistake when one almost knocked the other into our car.

We absolutely did not want to be stuck getting out and having to be around them without the protection of a two-thousand-pound SUV separating us, so we drove off.

But I’ll never forget the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I realized we could have been in a car accident where the longhorn hit us and not the other way around!

It’s one of the best funny road trip stories we often share with friends!

– Stephanie from Oklahoma Wonders

Bonus Short Travel Stories

Looking for more interesting travel stories and funny travel anecdotes? Don’t miss:

25 Crazy Travel Stories You Need To Read To Believe

23 Inspiring Travel Stories Sharing The Kindness Of Strangers

38 Inspiring Travel Love Stories From The Road

Sexual Assault Stories From The Road (& What I’ve Learned)

8 Crazy NYC Subway Stories That Will Make You Hail A Cab

17 True Short Adventure Travel Stories To Inspire Your Next Trip

A Host’s Perspective: My Worst Airbnb Horror Stories

11 Epic Travel Fail Stories From The Road

18 Scary Travel Stories From Haunted Hotels To Creepy Cabins

Do you have any short funny travel stories to add to this list?

Enjoyed this list of hilarious travel stories? Pin these funny anecdotes for later!

About Jessie Festa

Jessie Festa is a New York-based travel content creator who is passionate about empowering her audience to experience new places and live a life of adventure. She is the founder of the solo female travel blog, Jessie on a Journey, and is editor-in-chief of Epicure & Culture , an online conscious tourism magazine. Along with writing, Jessie is a professional photographer and is the owner of NYC Photo Journeys , which offers New York photo tours, photo shoots, and wedding photography. Her work has appeared in publications like USA Today, CNN, Business Insider, Thrillist, and WestJet Magazine.

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36 Comments

Thank you so much for sharing your stories. Hope to see you in Morocco for an excellent adventure trip. Enjoy and keep doing excellent trips!

@Moha: Thank you!

OMG!!! I can only imagine what you must have gone through. Really funny stories. I would surely be careful next time before booking a massage 🙂 Thanks for the super hilarious blog.

That’s a lot of spa stories. I too had boob massage in Indonesia and Thailand. Whoops!

really very nice artical

Morocco is one of the unique countries in the world and a country of dizzying diversity. You may wander through spice markets, explore sweeping deserts and enjoy warm hospitality. Morocco is roughly the size of California, this is why day tours are so popular! Perhaps this is one of the most exciting Morocco Desert Tours.

very nice Thank you so much for sharing your stories. Hope to see you in Morocco for an excellent adventure trip.

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Losing and Finding My Way in Japan

by Norm Williams

For much of my career, I traveled the world as a salesman. Our company hired people in each country we sold in to help with various duties. One year I went to Japan, and the sales agent chose the Kokusai Hotel in Kyoto for my stay due to the efficiency of its proximity to his office. I left early on a calm, bright morning to find my way through a beautiful historic part of the city built in traditional Japanese style. The cute, smiley hotel receptionist had written directions on a map, circled the area of my destination, and wrote out the address in Japanese in case I needed help. Shyly, she said in broken Japanese-English and with her hand covering her mouth, “It’s in this area. If you get lost, here’s the address.” With an early start and a clear sense of direction, I felt comfortable about arriving on time – a business culture imperative in Japan. I thought I found the circled area on the map with ease. I then compared the hand-written address to the kanji characters on the buildings to discern a match. With no Japanese reading ability, I struggled as if trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphs without the Rosetta stone. I soon realized, “I’m lost, and not just in the usual way when I’m at home in the U.S. I’m lost without local reading or speaking ability, not knowing anyone in the city to go to for help, and a cell phone without reception in this country to call my sales agent.” Bewildered and disappointed that I could not find the way on my own, I began to wander. I looked for help among the passers-by.

I used my ignorant foreigner look, which I had patented around the world — the clueless, helpless, American businessman who is hopelessly lost, out of his element, and pleading for some host country compassion. I tentatively approached a businessman, presumably walking to work. Being deep in thought, I surprised him as a foreigner. But, kindly, he took pity on me. He looked at the address and, after a long pause, said, while shaking his head side-to-side, “Aaannnooo.” To me, this sounded like, “I don’t know.” Later I learned that “anno” is the Japanese form of “mmmm.” We parted with a mutual look of apology. I continued to beg for help as I disrupted Kyoto’s quiet, morning street routine. A coffee shop appeared to be a prospect for a captive audience of potential helpers. A lone, older man, enjoying his coffee and newspaper, sat in the corner, isolated. I cornered him. He had no choice but to help. He took a long, discerning look at the address, then the map, then the address, then the map again. He pointed to a spot on the map with an air of precision and confidence. But beneath his veneer of clarity and calm, I thought I saw a man pinning a tail on a donkey piñata while blindfolded. Time to move on, I thought. I learned later-on that addresses in Japan are codes to unravel. They indicate a ward, a district within the ward, a subsection of the district called a chome, a block number within the chome, and, finally, a building number. In Japan, they number buildings in the order of their construction. They are not in numerical order as in the U.S. The address I looked for could be located anywhere on the block, not somewhere in sequence. In place of a conventional numbered street address, an address in Japan could read like this in the U.S.: “Go down this alleyway, take

a right at the nightclub, continue past the graveyard, and it’s the red door on the right after the old oak tree.” Next, I found a lady pulling boxes on a cart. I guessed that a delivery person would know the area well. After quickly reviewing the address, she waved me hurriedly in another direction as if she knew exactly where to go. We eventually reached her old van in front of a gas station. She took out a map. As she looked at it for a long time, a deep crease began to form in her forehead. Her air of confidence became a look of “I don’t know.” Fortunately, her fellow worker, who sensed the problem, stepped in, analyzed the address and map, and then pointed with the certainty of a commanding general to an area of buildings across the street. My translation of her gesture, however, was: “It’s somewhere over there!” Another pin-the-tail moment. By now, I trusted no one walking the street. So, I waved down an expert – a taxi driver. His response to reading the address was an elongated samurai grunt and finger-pointing fit in Japanese-English, “Why are you taking a taxi? It is around here. We don’t need to drive anywhere!” But I could detect uncertainty in his expressions as he desperately tried to help me. I responded to him in my best, polite international English that I had learned works around the world – simple words pronounced slowly and loudly with a local accent as if the person cannot hear me well enough. In English with a Japanese accent, I said, “Pleeease driiiive meee tooo theee ahdresssss ah. I wiiill paaay youuuu eeeeven if it iiis aaacross the streeeeet.” Then it dawned on me that he did not understand any of my Japanese accented English. So, I resorted to the universal sign language of desperation conveyed with an American G I Joe gusto that said through body gestures, “I don’t want to walk there. I am very late! Please drive me even if it costs $50 to go 10 feet!”

He interpreted my gestures differently from what I meant because he zoomed off with me towards the center of town. He tossed me what looked like a Japanese language guide-book to the city with pictures of landmarks and pages of street maps. It was like he was giving me a tour of the town as he pointed to various places. Perceiving the misadventure ahead, I emphasized my unwavering interest in going to the phantom address by vigorously and repeatedly pointing at the address written on the paper. He responded with more grunts mixed with smiles as if saying, “You can point all you want. You are my prisoner.” After many miles, we arrived back where we began the city tour and parked outside the gas station. A determined and, apparently, a compassionate man, the driver did not want to let me down now. He went to the gas station’s workers and pulled them together for a conference. For what seemed like an eternity, they diligently researched maps, considered directories, animatedly discussed possible locations, and pointed in various directions. Then the gas station workers appeared to bow to each other in a humble celebration. Grandly, one of them stepped forward from the group and pointed to a building directly across the street. In the same direction that the cart puller’s fellow worker had gestured to, and the taxi driver told me about, I wondered, in despair, “Could it be that the building was, all this time, just over there, and I hadn’t listened to them?” The elated cab driver, who dearly wanted to finish the job, eagerly waved me into the taxi. Ecstatic, I jumped in. With a simple U-turn, he would deliver me to the door of the building across the street. But, of course, that would be too simple. We drove in Japan, and the strict traffic laws overrode any sense of simplicity. My cab driver pulled out, zoomed off, took a dozen or so turns down one-way streets, and we finally pulled up to the building that was across

the street. I could have walked back and forth between the building and gas station twenty times while in the cab. Gratefully, I paid the taxi driver a ransom for my release plus a tip for the city tour. As I walked into my sales agent’s office sixty minutes late, his lady assistant graciously approached me, saying, “He is waiting for you at the Kokusai hotel to bring you here.” “Oh My God! What message did I miss that told me to wait there?” I thought in anguish. “I spoke with a half dozen Japanese, disrupted their morning routine, struggled endlessly to understand them, walked many city blocks, traveled unnecessary miles, felt the helplessness and hopelessness of being lost, arrived an hour late, and I only had to wait for the sales agent to quickly and efficiently take me to his office! Feeling quite humble, I entered the meeting room and sat down at the conference table. My sales agent began to speak, and I listened carefully to his direction.

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Wish to see you in Morocco for a hot air balloon ride experience

Want more such kinds of posts, keep posting!

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Awesome Read. Thanks.

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Dear Jessie Festa,

I wanted to thank you for your wonderful article, “16 Short Funny Travel Stories That’ll Make You Laugh Out Loud.” Your stories brought so much joy and laughter to my day! Your ability to capture the humor in travel experiences is truly insightful and refreshing. Each anecdote resonated with me, reminding me of the fun and unexpected moments that make traveling so special. Keep sharing your delightful stories—they are a much-needed source of positivity and entertainment. Your work is truly appreciated!

Warm regards, Yollanda

WHEN TRAVEL GOES WRONG: Best Funny & Humorous Travel Stories

In BLOG , FUN CORNER by Clelia Mattana 18 October, 2018 88 Comments

Contents - Open To Read

DO YOU WANT TO READ SOME AWESOME FUNNY TRAVEL STORIES?

Then, my friend, you are in the right place because not only you’ll read some truly funny stories here, but I am actually The REAL MASTER OF DISASTER! They should give me an Oscar for “Best Funny travel story” category. Yes, I’m that bad!

But as someone wise once said:

“The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.”

Mark Twain

A good funny travel story is usually the result of something that has gone (terribly)wrong. So there shouldn’t be anything to laugh about right? Except for the fact that you not only survived the accident but now you’re actually secretly proud to tell your friends all about your funny story over and over. I know I’m right…Confess! 😀

Those “Huh oh” moments can be quite unpleasant experiences, but you instantly know that they will make to the collection of excellent and interesting humorous stories for years to come ! Heck, you might even score a date or two if you find an ironic person (Just saying!)

I love funny travel stories so much! They show the less glamorous part of traveling and are an important part of travel itself. They represent the challenge, the adventure, the thrill. The real deal, not those perfect Instagram shots we ALL know are staged. DUH!

Travel-horror-stories-funny-travel-stories

So to quiet them down a bit I started to write a few humorous stories on FB and now I’m trying to collect them all and transfer my funny moments (disasters) while traveling in here too.

I just added the infamous one I had this year (2019 as we speak) when I first arrived in Australia for the first time 😀

But back to this article: I had a mission!

funny-horror-travel-stories-dont-panic-sign

To search and collect all the funny or at least humorous stories related to travel around the web and put them together in a top ten post, easy right? Not quite!

To reach my goal I started extensive researches on blogs and various websites. I even searched the most remote pages of Google to spot them and it wasn’t as easy as I thought!

But, at least, what I found and selected in the end, is definitely worth reading ! Someof the ones I’ve discovered are incredibly funny and humorous stories, others are creepy or beautifully written, whilst some others are quite spicy (stay away if you are a prude).

No matter how different they are, they all have one thing in common: They made me laugh or chuckle a bit . And in any case, if something goes REALLY WRONG, there are legal ways and consultancies services you can count on (which is a release! phewwww).

BEFORE GETTING TO THE FUN STUFF, A SERIOUS NOTE:

As a Master of Disaster other than the funny ones, I have so many horror stories to tell! I got injured and sick during my trips and they stole my possessions during a bus ride in Thailand once (including 1000 euros cash).

So a word of advice is in order: be extra careful when you choose the travel insurance for your trip ! (Click here to see what I use , they literally saved my life and finances more than once).

I never go without it and even if in some of these funny stories it might not be necessary, trust me that in other cases… it most certainly is!

SO BACK TO THE FUNNY STORIES FINALLY!

Yeah, that would be me, with a whole tomato in my mouth in a pub in Amsterdam. WHY? There is no why, I simply like being silly 🙂

For each story, I will insert a quick excerpt to give you a glimpse of what the fuss is all about, and I’ll put the relevant link to the article if you want to read the filthy details 🙂

BONUS MATERIAL:

Scroll till the end to find an article that seriously cracked me up! It’s not technically a story, but it’s definitely travel related!

1| 24 HOURS TO GET TO MELBOURNE (AND ALMOST SLEEP UNDER A BRIDGE)

Category: Funny Stories

“I had dreamed of that moment for hours… That fantastic moment where I was given the key to my room and I would have seen the most precious thing in the world: A BED. What I see instead is a sofa in the living room of an unknown house, located in between the entrance door and the kitchen door. I swear I was about to faint. “

This is a new series of my blog. Given that my friends and followers on Fb love the live chronicles of my horror-funny travel stories I decided to start posting them here.

In this occasion… well, this is how the land of Kangaroos welcomed me on my first night Down Undernight, after 24 hours in the air, lost in space-time and angry like a stray cat 😀

Source Keep Calm And Travel : Humorous Stories turned into horror ones: Me, David & The Taxi Driver

1| ALMOST KILLED BY A TURKISH HAIRDRESSER IN GERMANY

Category: funny stories

“The hairdresser proceeded to shave around the perimeter of my hairline, focusing mostly on the back of my neck. He moved the razor in quick little strokes, handling its edge with feline grace. I made the mistake of picturing how easily he could take my eye out, or how quickly he might give me a Sweeney Todd, and it was then my complexion faded from ‘Eggshell Uncomfortable’ to ‘Chartreuse Sputum.’”

turkish-barber-funny-germany-hairdresser-axe

This is an absolutely brilliant story, reporting how a simple question about politics can change the course of a simple hair cut from magic to tragic.

Will our hero succumb under the claws of the Turkish hairdresser?

SOURCE: Oh God My Wife is German

2 |THE MYSTERIOUS EUROPEAN SHOWER

Category: Humorous Stories

“There were no knobs or handles of any kind that I could turn to get the water running. There was this little console inside, which I tried to use. At first, it seemed self-explanatory. It had dials for water temperature and water pressure, and a start/stop button! Plus, it was all in English ! Surely I could figure this out, right?”

The mysterious shower

A very Funny insight on how an innocent European shower can become a mysterious sinister object for the poor American Tourist.Will Geraldine figure out how to handle a “highly technological” European Shower? Click on the link below!

This is a must-read tale from a super talented writer. Geraldine would be able to make you laugh even by writing on how she drinks her coffee!

3| CULINARY EXPERIMENTS

Category: Funny/Quirky stories

“While in Vang Vieng, Laos, two other travelers and I decided to visit the local market one evening. The idea was that we would each purchase some kind of food item to bring back to the guesthouse and share with the group for a nice local dinner”

The post I’m linking to is a collection of stories from Derek Baron. He decided to put together a list of the dumbest things he did during his 14 years of extensive traveling.

The result is a quite hilarious post where, among other funny experiences, Derek tells us how he decided to eat a Rat, in an attempt to try the local cousin. How did the experiment go? Read on to discover it!

Source: Wandering Earl

4| THAI MASSAGE OR THAI TORTURE?

Category: Humorous stories

Her black eyes examined me closely, wrinkles forming in her chestnut brown facial skin as she visually assessed me prior to my massage. “You big boy. I think you need two hours.” “No, I’m good with one.”

Would you like a massage??!

Beware of who you put your trust in. A relaxation massage turned into a Karate match against an old Thai lady. Who is going to be the winner?

Source: One dad one kid

5 |CHASED DOWN A MOUNTAIN BY SOME LOCAL WOMEN

“Wow, these people are so friendly!” I thought to myself. This is exactly the kind of cultural encounter every traveler hopes for – walking down a mountain en route to a rural village, water buffaloes munching away on shrubs, women from a local hill tribe joining for a walk. Why this is the kind of stuff makes the feature story on the National Geographic! Right?

We’ve all been there: captured by the innocent smiles and kindness of the locals in a foreign land… Be careful when putting your pink glasses on, as you will also probably need a good pair of shoes to run away as fast as possible! Click below to read Audrey’s escape plan!

Source: That Backpacker

6 |DEATH ON THE BOAT

Category: Black humor / quirky Stories

“I immediately felt my chest tighten and my heart began to race as my mind replayed the events of the past few days – had I been using insect repellent? Had I been covered up? Had I been bitten? I was suddenly convinced that I was about to die too”

Lauren Smiling before the nightmare begins

What would you do if you find yourself trapped on a slow boat with a poor dead body lying next to you? This is obviously not a funny story, but a rather creepy adventure on the Mekong river. Lauren has an entire anthology of weird and funny-tragic stories on her website.

There I am, bumming at the airport before my flight and reading Lauren’s book!

A must-read! And now she has a book! Well actually I also have her book because her stories are just super fun, I totally recommend it, check it out in here !

Source: Never ending Foot Steps

7 |”MONKEY BUSINESS”. ON A CHICKEN BUS…

Category: Spicy Travel Stories

“As the bus ride progressed and the chicken bus going like crazy everyone sliding back and forth in every direction I noticed something weird. I kept feeling his leg purposely touching my leg so I, of course, started making my leg touch his as well”

Warning: Spicy Adventure ahead! 🙂 Some travel bloggers are quite adventurous and brave enough to tell us all about their hot encounters…

This story is probably one of the most popular spicy tales of the past few years. No need to get embarrassed tough. I actually admire those people who can be very open about their life, and the story is pretty hilarious! want to know more? Put the kids to sleep first 🙂

Source: Breakaway Backpacker

8| FLATTERY GOES A LONG WAY

“Hello! You are beautiful,” he began. While my first reaction was to keep on walking, I stopped to listen anyway. Because you have to admit, the man had a valid point.

Honestly? I didn’t know which post to choose from Sally’s dozen funny stories! She just drags you into her clumsy funny world so easily!

This time, she writes about how flattery seems to be her weak point. Apparently, she can’t resist a compliment and she was convinced to join a group of Chinese tourists, that treats her like the star of the hour!

Do you want to know how she ended dressed like a local on a rice terrace? Click on the link to read about her adventure!

Source: Unbrave Girl

9| FUNNY STORIES: OUTRAGEOUS PICTURES

Category: Visual Funny stories

Instead, I’ve decided to share some of the more quirky, bizarre, outrageous, outlandish, humorous, funny, ridiculous, absurd & truly off-the-charts moments I’ve experienced while traveling over the years, as summarized in a photo essay.

Indian-Man-Cleaning-Genitals

In a post about funny/weird stories, I couldn’t certainly forget to add a photographic essay on some funny/irreverent pictures from around the world! Get ready to chuckle! 🙂

Source: Nomadic Samuel

10 |SPANKED AT A FISH MARKET

Category: Funny /spicy /Humorous stories

“It was hot. Korean summer hot. Melting makeup hot. Seriously, summer in Korea gets up into the 30s and feels like plus 40s with 100% humidity and not a drop of rain. I had undone the top of my shirt to let a little air in and I suppose I should mention my breasts”

This is a funny short travel story on how you need to be extra careful whilst traveling in a different cultural environment. Especially in terms of clothing! 🙂

Source: The Escapism Artist

THE MOST HILARIOUS LIST OF FLIGHT ATTENDANTS ANNOUNCEMENTS

1) “Flight attendant on a Virgin Australia flight “And today we have someone who is celebrating their 21 st birthday, please stand up xxxxxxx……Fancy that, 21 and never been in a Virgin.”

2) “Please feel free to leave behind any of your items in the overhead compartment; I’m having a yard sale this weekend.”

3) “Hi, I’m Captain Amanda Smith. Yes, I’m a female pilot and as a benefit, if we get lost on the way I won’t be afraid to stop and ask for directions.”

4)On an early morning flight, “I noticed a few ladies who forgot to put on their makeup this morning. I’ll be dimming the lights for your convenience.”

5)“How about that landing? Not bad for his first day.”

Do you want to read more?! Check out the full article, to die for!

Flights and Frustration

So here they are, the 10 of the funniest/weirdest travel stories I found on the web and let me tell you, It’s been a real challenge to find them!

Why is that? don’t people write enough about their weird adventures? am I a bad researcher or it’s just Google trying to hide them really well??

Whatever the reason, it’s a pity because these are the kind of stories that transform the average traveler in a real Indiana Jones!

If you have a very funny or humorous Travel story to share, please leave a comment with your link or a quick recap! I’d love to discover other Crazy adventurers out there! Come out from your shell and share your stories with us!

Superb and valuable knowledge information because of useful updated for me, thank you so much for share this wonderful article.

this is freaking funny but this is common hacks everyone faces thanks for this interesting article.

Oh God My Wife is German :p What was it???

Hahahah That story is pretty hilarious 😀

Wow, wonderful weblog format! How long have you been blogging for? you make blogging look easy. The total look of your site is magnificent, let alone the content material!

Thanks Sonia, I’ve been blogging for 7 years and it’s not easy at all especially considering that English is not my native language, but I try my best 🙂

What a nice experience when traveling !

A Great Info about to travel and so Funny. Happy to share this info to my friends which are very useful. Thanks for sharing

Sooooooo funny! Great share!

Thank you! Glad you liked it 😉

It is truly a great and useful piece of info. I’m happy that you shared this helpful information with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.

Such a Great Information about to Travel I really liked your article, your article is very frightened me in the learning process and provide additional knowledge to me, maybe I can learn more from you, I will wait for your next article, I’ve really enjoyed reading it throughout. Thanks for Sharing.

Thank you for your kind words! here is always something new to learn when traveling, even for veterans 🙂

This was an awesome post. it inspires me to send it my mother whenever I decide to travel overseas alone. She freaks out everytime.

hahahah I’m 41 and my mother still freaks out! No matter that I left my parents house at 19, we are always kids for them 🙂

Nice post! Thanks for sharing!

Thanks Anna! Glad you liked it!

This makes my day. I enjoy every single story in this post.

ADMIN NOTE: Please don’t include any link to commercial websites in the comment section as they will be removed. Thank you!

Loved every single story! I’ll have to write down some accidents that happened to me while travelling as well.

Hey Vincent, thanks for your comment! I’m sure you’ll have plenty of travel story, everyone has them and they are the best part of the trip 😀

Your post had gave me ideas that how to share funny video. Thanks for sharing

The index is really helpful. I love how you edit the post Glad you find the information useful. Thank you very much for share this great helpful information with us.

Uhmm there is no index? maybe you should read the article first 😉

I’d love to travel too! Thanks for sharing your experience.

Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

Dear Lord! 4 years since the post was published but the comments just keep coming and for a good reason! Thanks for putting together this list and interesting read! The accident on the boat is truly a creepy experience!

Ahahah yeah, Travel gone wrong is an evergreen topic! 🙂

Superb and funny post..! Really loved it… Keep posting….

Thank you 🙂

Hey Hong, you’re so right, these are the stories people want to hear 🙂

I’ve had so many crazy experiences travelling. Once in Cambodia I was caught on a bus where the drivers were smuggling drugs behind my chair! Just last week I was hitch hiking and I got caught up in the middle of a street race on a single motorbike with two other people, two bags and no helmets. You can read about it on my blog

Admin note: Please avoid linking to articles (even if they can be of good quality, it allows spammers to do the same and it would become a real nightmare). People can already check out your website by clicking on your name in the comment. Thank you for your understanding! Clelia

Thanks for adding your own travel nightmares! 🙂

Brilliant stories! If you’re doing anything similar in the future, hit us up, we have a lot to tell from our worldwide experiences! Great site by the way 🙂

Thanks Katie!

Yeah, Thank you for sharing, greating..:)

Thanks for stopping by!

I can totally relate about the European showers. During my trip to Europe, I was flummoxed by them.

Ah Sophie! I didn’t realize that the European shower could be so complicated 🙂

Nicely put…i like the MYSTERIOUS EUROPEAN SHOWER 🙂

ahahah Is it a mysterious tool for you too Vicky? 🙂

Hello my name is Daniel I’m a stand-up comedian from Edinburgh Scotland.

Admin note : I removed the link as I don’t allow them in my comments as per my comment policies. If you want to help another user, please leave your email and ask to be contacted directly.

Thank you! Clelia

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I love the way you interpreted other people’s blogs with yours. Not only it is smart for your website but it gives a link to other website giving that person more followers. My blog is about traveling but in my eyes and the events that have happened to me during vacations.

Hey Tailor, thanks! I actually wasn’t thinking about my own website when I wrote this piece. I just loved the stories and wanted to share them all in one place 🙂

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Between last minute visa cancellation and getting stuck in a cave with a cobra I had my fair share of bad experiences, but I can see that I’m in good company! LOL!

Oh, and that announcements are hilarious! Ahahah

Gettin stuck in a cave with a COBRA?! Oh my!! 😀

Your style is very unique in comparison to other folks I’ve read stuff from. Thank you for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I will just bookmark this web site.

Thank you for your kind comment! 🙂

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I thought travel always goes wrong. Maybe that’s just me…

Not always..it depends on how much risk are you willing to take!

Even tho I’m European I can totally relate to European shower trouble 😉 Love this post!

European showers rock! 🙂 glad you liked the post Anna!

Is that a rat? Ewww!

Yes it is! I have to say Earl was very brave to try it 🙂

Funny stories and unforeseen mishaps are always part of traveling. This is what makes it more memorable for us. Despite these, I know we can all say that without these funny stories, your travel wouldn’t be as fun as it was.

Hey Helen, if you have any funny story to add, feel free to do so 🙂

I love funny travel stories – and writing about them. My favourite lately was called the Perils of Potties in Japan – or something like that – featuring a hitech toilet that wouldn’t stop spurting water all over the place.

Hey Anabel, i’ve heard tat Japanese toilets are deadly.. I will search for the article, must be quite something!

I went on a road trip in Iceland in June and absolutely loved it! I would tell people (and did in a blogpost) to register with a free app that alerts search and rescue people if you vanish. Register at http://www.safetravel.is and download the free 112 Iceland app before you go. It could literally save your life – a lot of people wander off and get themselves in bad situations every year but if you use this they will save you from yourself (for free but a hearty donation should be considered if it’s your own fault!).

Thanks for the tip Kay!

Thanks for collect these stories.Will subscribes to get more story from you.

Glad you enjoyed it Louis!

Cool tales. I only travel so I don’t run out of dinner party conversations.. ;P The things that don’t go quite right are often the best stories!

true…people are more interested in the accidents than our amazing travel tales..

Love this blog…the main reason being is as travelers we ALL have something happen during our adventures. Regardless if they are truly bad or bizarre my thoughts on these events turn out to be some of our biggest highlights! These are the stories we will find ourselves repeating to eager ears back home and on the road. Of course they seem devistating as they are happening but we always have to look for the best in these situations and the most positive way out of these awkward moments. Cherish them – One Life, One Planet. @monkeyslick

Hi Evan, Very true…these are the best stories to showcase upon our return home!

We’d got our own funny travel stories following experiences close to home. Here’s one from when we visited a hotel in the south of the island: http://www.puretravel.com/Guide/Travel_writing_competition/Travel_Writing_Competition_2012_Entries_Page2/Cock_and_ball(s) . After reading, you’ll be relieved to discover that there are no photos.

ahah i’m actually pretty relieved yes 🙂

Thought you might be.

I saw your request in our FB group and was sorry I couldn’t contribute any! These are hilarious though; the image of Talon and the old lady cracks me up 😀

Hei Aleah, pity you couldn’t contribute, i was hoping to have a top 20 but was quite difficult!

I appreciate the mention above and link to my post!

My pleasure!…Eating a rat is not something you see everyday for sure!

Thanks for featuring my story Klelia!

These are a great collection of quirky tales.

Great finds! I love these quirky stories and that could well be me trying to figure out how to use that shower!

Yeah some of them are really brilliant, it surprised me that i couldn’t find more of them on the web!Oh and for the shower…even if i’m european, i struggled with it at first too!

Thanks also for including my funny quotes article, they certainly make flying more enjoyable.

As for the Thai massage I can certainly vouch for that. I had a one hour head massage and was screaming pain with every touch. I promise you, never, ever again!

hahaha tell me about the Thai Massage, I totally understand why you don’t want to try again! I also had some quite unpleasant experiences…now I only go for a more relaxing oil massage 🙂

Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooollll…when finished barking loudly with laughter, I might share a story or two…

Fire away! You can’t imagine how difficult has been to find these stories around! 🙂

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26 Jokes About Travel That Will Make You Laugh And Then Cry

Dear middle seat: I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you more.

BuzzFeed Staff

Although a trivial complaint in the grand scheme of 2020, many people are bummed that the coronavirus travel restrictions have put a stop to their vacation plans. Airports are empty , passports are collecting dust, and wanderlust is at an all-time high .

Psst...our Virtual Vacation newsletter can help with that wanderlust. Sign up here !

So if you're missing travel, enjoy these jokes that will make you both laugh and cry.

Irene FTP Merrow @_irenemerrow would pay a lot of money to get drunk in an airport on my way to a vacation destination rn. like maybe even the amount of money it takes to get drunk at an airport. 09:55 PM - 26 May 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite

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brooke miller @buhrooke This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. 🥺 Normally, I do not go because I am poor. 07:21 PM - 26 Jun 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite

Ashley Crem @SafeWordTaken Eighth day of self isolation and it’s like Vegas in my house. We’re losing money by the minute, cocktails are acceptable at any hour, and nobody knows what time it is. 02:56 AM - 24 Mar 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite

De'arra Taylor @dearra My passport bored af 🥺 12:56 AM - 20 Jul 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite

The News Clan @thenewsclan We all live in the airport now. Take a shot of tequila at 7am. Wear your sweats during a video call with your boss. There are no more rules. 03:44 AM - 19 Mar 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite

Ciara Johnson @hey_ciara Nobody: Travelers during quarantine: "#Takemeback" "We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us." "The wanderlust is REAL" "Passport gettin' dusty." "Catching no flights & all feelings." "Kinda even starting to miss the middle seat." 03:21 AM - 16 Apr 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite

Black Lives Matter (Dr. Waitman Wade Beorn) @waitmanb Connoisseurs know. #coronapocolypse 06:35 PM - 15 Mar 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite

Ashley Fern @disco_infern0 airports are gonna go from being the meanest place to be to the nicest once we’re allowed to fly again. check my bag? go ahead. screaming baby? sit right next to me buddy. 01:41 AM - 05 May 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite

Anna Harrison @ABananaRambling Newest airport codes for our current travels. LVG - living room DNR - dining room BTH - Bathroom BKY - back yard PAT- patio MBR - master bed room OFC - office WNC - wine celler What other places are in your current plans? 09:57 PM - 29 Mar 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite

lahâmez @hameslauren Tbh I’d rather do this than fly in a middle seat right now https://t.co/gPRWE8fzG6 02:55 AM - 10 Aug 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite

But in all seriousness...not being able to travel is the least of our worries.

Anne Marie Lastrassi @tinnkky I understand 2020 stinks but if the worst effect this thing has had on you is having to work from home & cancelling international vacations you should absolutely be grateful as a MF 03:25 PM - 10 Aug 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite

Stay safe, everyone!

Don't forget to check out bring me for all of buzzfeed's best travel tips and hacks, vacation inspiration, and more.

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154 tour jokes and hilarious tour puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tour that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article features a collection of jokes and humorous anecdotes surrounding the whirlwind tour of Harry Styles, a rock star and benefactor of the outskirts. Enjoy a good laugh and check out this entertaining list of tour jokes!

Short Tour Jokes

Tour One Liners

Tour guide jokes, tour de france jokes, pga tour jokes.

More Tour Jokes

Funniest Tour Short Jokes

Short tour jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tour humour may include short trip jokes also.

As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself... maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
TIL of a reality show where the goal is to do as much drugs as possible without dying or getting caught. It's called the Tour de France.
As I get older I remember all the people I've lost along the way I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way... Maybe being a tour guide wasn't such a great idea after all.
They currently think the person who ruined the Tour de France might have been German. Well, she did try to take down a whole race...
As I get older, I remember all of the people I lost along the way Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice
Came up with this joke this morning in the shower. I took a tour of a prison for poets, at the end the warden asked what I thought of it. I said it has its prose and cons.
As i get older, i remember all the people i lost along the way Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't the right choice
I'm gonna start a company where I drive people around to haunted places. It'll be called Ghost Bus Tours
The other day, I was on a submarine tour. I was going to tell a dark joke, but my friend stopped me. Why shouldn't I tell my joke?" I asked. "Err, this isn't the right sub."

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Which tour one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tour? I can suggest the ones about travel and riot.

Who won the first Tour De France? The 2nd Panzer Division.
"Ladies and Gents" That concludes our tour of the toilets
What do they do with the bikes at the end of the Tour de France? They recycle them.
Who won the Tour de France in 1940? The Sixth German Panzer Division.
How do dumplings like to travel? By “won-tours” around the world!
Chris Brown is going on tour this year! He'll be sponsored by Black & Decker.
What do you call 1 black guy being stalked by 200 white guys? PGA Tour.
Who won the original Tour De France? The 7th Panzer division
Do you know who won the first 'Tour de France'? The 5th Panzer Division
Who won the first Tour de France? The 3rd German Tank Division.
Why did James Brown always tour in Asia? He loved the Seoul train.
If you don't know a lot of creatures in Greek Mythology... I'll give you a mini-tour
What is a noodle's favorite bicycle race? The Tour de Lini
Who won the Tour de France on May 10th, 1940? The 7th Panzerdivision
What do you call a priest who is touring Area 51? Alien versus predator

Here is a list of funny tour guide jokes and even better tour guide puns that will make you laugh with friends.

As I get older I think about all the people I've lost along the way Maybe being a tour guide wasn't for me
As I get older, I sometimes stop and think about all of the people I've lost along the way Maybe my job as a tour guide wasn't such a good idea after all
As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I begin to think to myself.. Maybe a career as a tour guide really wasn't for me.
As I have gotten older and started thinking about all the people I have lost on the way I'm starting to think..... Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't the best career
I once went on a school trip to a coffee factory. We were having a guided tour around the production line but sadly one of my friends fell into the coffee grinder and died. Luckily it was instant.
I was on a trip in Africa when I was asked to rate the tour guide. To which I responded Safaris pretty good.
Our tour guide wanted to bring our attention to the sand stone to our right He didn't want us to take it for granite
Batman was my tour guide in Antarctica. What can we even find around here? Justice.
Disappear. A Jamaican tour guide standing by a quay.
Donald Trump is threatening to destroy my family business. I don't know how to tell my kids. How is a wetlands tour guide supposed to put food on his table now?

Here is a list of funny tour de france jokes and even better tour de france puns that will make you laugh with friends.

If you ever miss the Tour de France, just go to Amsterdam. It's basically the same thing: a bunch of people on drugs riding bikes .
I may not have as many Oscars as Leo anymore but... I've still got as many Tour De France wins as Lance Armstrong.
Who won the first Tour De France? The 6th Panzer division. Of course the joke isn't historically accurate. It's a joke, not a fact.
Amsterdam is a lot like the Tour de France. It's just a lot of people on drugs riding bikes.
Amsterdam is like a tour de France - it's full of people on bikes and drugs. -- Heard this last weekend while visiting Amsterdam
Who won the first Tour de France? I don't know his name, but I know he was in a German tank.
A nuclear physicist is convinced he can win the Tour de France He says biking is just a chain reaction.
Who was the winner of the first Tour De France? The Wehrmacht Tank division.
What impresses me the most about Tour de France athletes is that they can go for five hours without looking at their cellphones.
What happened to Napoleon after he crashed in the Tour de France? Well, I never heard, but that tore Napoleon's bones apart.

Tour joke, What happened to Napoleon after he crashed in the Tour de France?

Here is a list of funny pga tour jokes and even better pga tour puns that will make you laugh with friends.

What do you call 500 old white guys chasing a black man with clubs? The PGA tour.
What do u call 1 black guy being stalked quietly by two hundred white guys? PGA Tour
What do you call 143 white guys chasing after one black guy? PGA Tour
What do you call 200 white men chasing a black man? The PGA Tour.
What do you call 300 white guys chasing a black man? Tiger Woods' PGA tour.

Tour joke, What do you call 300 white guys chasing a black man?

Comical Tour Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land

What funny jokes about tour you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tour pranks.

A tourist is in Russia and they see a frail little babushka sitting in front of her house, smoking a cigarette and drinking v**....

So he stops and asks her: "Excuse me, but are you celebrating something?" "No, I drink a few bottles of v**... every day. Always have." "Amazing. And the cigarettes?" "At least four packs a day, since I was a little girl." "That's amazing! May I ask, how old are you?" "Twenty-five".

Joke about how dangerous China is

An American tourist came to China and fell into a construction ditch, he came out, injured, and angrily told the tour guide, "In America, in a dangerous area, we always put up red flags to warn people! Why wasn't there one here?" The Chinese tour guide very calmly replied, "Didn't you already see it when you entered the country?"

French Jokes

Who won the first Tour de France? The 6th Panzer division. Why do french tanks have rear-view mirrors? To see the front line. How many French troops does it take to defend Paris? No one knows.

A tourist is eaten by a python at the zoo.

Two tourists from the Czech republic are visiting New York. At the zoo, one leans forward, trying to get real close to the pythons. He falls down into the enclosure and is quickly swallowed whole. Panicking, the other guy runs up to a caretaker and cries out for help. The caretaker asks him: "Which of these pythons ate your friend, the male or the female one?" "That one! That one!", exclaims the Czech, pointing at the male snake, bloated with its stomach full. The caretaker runs up behind the satiated snake, cuts it open and pulls out ... a feeder pig. "Oh no, it must have been the other one", yells the tourist. So the keeper cuts open the female snake, and sure enough, out comes the tourist. In the end, the tourist could be revived, and miraculously, both snakes managed to live through the events, but there's still a lesson to be learned here: Never trust someone who tells you the Czech is in the male.

A tourist was lost, wandering in the rainforest, when suddenly...

...he runs into some tribal warriors. In an attempt to scare them off, he decides to frighten them with his modern technology. He whips out the bic lighter in his pocket and flicks it in. "Wow!" Said one warrior to another. "I've never seen one of those light in the first try!"

A tour bus is going through the Highlands when the guide spots a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. He stops the bus and gets out, saying "watch this" and then bangs the sheep. When he's finished, he zips up and asks "does anyone else want to have a turn?" Another guy from the tour says "sure, I will" and sticks his head in the fence.

Blonde vs. Space

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were taking a tour inside of NASA space center. The tour-guide asked them "What planet or other object in our universe would you go to?" The red head said. "I'd go to Saturn!" The brunette said, "I'd go to the Moon!" The blonde said "I'd go to the Sun!" The tour-guide looked at the blonde. "But if you go the Sun, you'll burn up and die." The blonde rolled her eyes and replied calmly. "What, do you think I'm s**...? I'd go at night!"

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway...

... he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, " Why then don't you eat the peanuts yourself?". "We can't chew them because we've no teeth," she replied. The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?" The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."

A recently deceased man was being shown around heaven.

St Peter was looking after him by showing him the various facilities that were available. At the end of the tour, St Peter asked the man if he had any questions. The man could only think of one. He pointed to a long wall running along one side. "Why do you have a wall there?" asked the man. St Peter sighed and said, "That is for the Catholics. They`re on the other side. They like to think that they are the only ones here."

A tour guide at Giza was explaining how the Pyramids were 10,002 years old.

Someone in the crowd asked, "That's oddly specific, are you sure of that date." "Well, yes, quite sure, I was told they were 10,000 years old when I started working here 2 years ago."

Madonna is talking with the Spice Girls

Says she wants to sponsor a reunion tour so long as she can join them. The girls agree to condition. They call her Old Spice.

I went on a tour of a soap factory last week.

I forgot which one it was, but I'm sure it will Dawn on me.

A tour bus is traveling through Nevada...

it briefly passes by the Bunny Ranch in Carson City. The guide notes, "We are now passing the largest house of legal prostitution in America" A man in the back shouts, "WHY?!?"

Old tourist joke

German tourist arrives at a French airport. Immigration officer asks him: "Occupation?" The German replies: "No, no, just visiting."

I heard this joke from a foreign tour woman of a museum of Communism in Russia...

[Apparently this was a real joke told by anti-communist citizens when Stalin was dictator of the Soviet Union] Have you tried Stalin bacon before? *I'm not sure.. I don't think so...* Well, I know for certain that you haven't - the pig's not dead yet.

The President meets with 50 top recruits from each branch of the armed forces...

And says "Welcome! I want to give you all an opportunity to explore the capital of our great nation before we begin the tour of the White House. We'll meet here at 4:00... For those of you in the Army, that'll be at sixteen hundred hours, For those of you in the Navy, that'll be at eight bells, And for those of you in the Marines, the little hand will be on the four and the big hand will be on the twelve."

So a tourist walks into an English pub...

A tourist walks into an English pub. While he is waiting for his beer, he notices to rather big women next to him talk in a strange accent. He walks up to them and says: "Excuse me, I can't quite put my finger on your accent -- are you two ladies from Ireland?" They get outraged and snap back: "It's Wales, you idiot!" "Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"

German heavy metal band Rammstein travels to Poland for the next stop on their international tour. As the airport official goes through their passports and checks them in, she asks, "Occupation?" The singer replies, "No, no. Were just here to perform a show. We'll be gone by tomorrow morning."

What has nine arms and s**...?

Your mom on Def Leppard's tour bus.

U2 just announced a world tour.

Are they going tosell tickets, or just break into my living room and start playing?

Tour guide in the mountain

A guide was leading a group of people on a hike through some mountains. He pointed at a fairly majestic looking peak and said "This one is most popular with mountain climbers. Most days you have a few teams doing a climb. The ascent, depending on your skill level can take between two and five hours. The descent, again depending on your skill level, takes anywhere between 4 hours and 30 seconds."

A Brit joke about Americans...

An American takes a sightseeing tour around London. While watching around he smiles and tells the guide: "Listen pal, why is everything so small here? Look at this building for example. In America it would be 10 times as big..." "I completely agree, sir! That's the madhouse."

A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London...

As they went past the Tower of London the cabbie explained what the building was and provided a brief history. Upon hearing that its construction started in 1346 and was completed in 1412, the Texan stated, "Really? A little ol' tower like that? In Houston we'd have that thing up in two weeks!" Next they passed the House of Parliament, and the cabbie again gave a brief history, omitting the construction dates this time. However, being eager to brag, the Texan questioned its construction too. The cabbie replied that it was built in 1544 and completed in 1618. "Well, boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a month!" As they passed Westminister Abbey the cabbie was silent. "Well? What's that over there?" asked the Texan. The annoyed cabbie scratches his head and replied "I haven't the foggiest idea, Sir. It wasn't there yesterday!"

A tourist in Amsterdam sees a p**... in a window

He taps on the glass and says "How much?" "Two hundred and fifty euros," she responds. "Wow! I never realized it was so expensive" "Well of course it's expensive, it's shatter-proof!"

I met a local girl when I was in Shanghai, I asked her if she could e**... me

for a city tour and asked for her mobile number, so I could call her. She got excited and said: "s**... s**... s**..., wan free s**... for tonight" Wow, I'm guessing this is how Chinese women express their hospitality! But then, My friend interpreted for me & told me what she really said : 666136429.

Jokes told by my tour guide while rafting.

* Why doesn't anyone tell knock knock jokes about America? Because freedom rings. * What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. * What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. * What do you call a cow with 1 leg? A steak.

A Texas man is on vacation in Europe..

As he walks along with a tour guide, they come across some graffiti where someone has spray painted 'Yankee go home!" The tour guide flustered and a bit embarrassed, said 'sorry you had to see that' The Texan said 'don't worry, where I'm from we don't like them either'

A mexican kid tells D. Trump:

I want to be President! Trump says: are you s**...? Are you an idiot? Out of tour mind? Are you r**...? Kid says: you know what, never mind those are too many requirements.

A man dies and goes to heaven

St. Peter gives him a tour and asks him 'Well, what do you think?' The man says, 'Its terrific, everything I dreamed it would be. But who were those people sitting by themselves looking so unhappy?' 'Oh, those are the fundamentalists, they can't believe that they aren't the only ones here.'

Lance Armstrong

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong. Especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike

What's Pakistan's tourism tagline?

"Have a blast, it might be your last"

A museum tour guide points to a fossil "This fossil right here is sixty-eight million and three years old."

One of the visitors asks: "How can you be so precise?" "I first started working here three years ago, and on my first day the head of the museum told me it was sixty-eight million years old."

A physicist was in Las Vegas

Tour guide: Las Vegas is also known as Sin City. Physicist: Do you know what Den City is though? Tour guide: No, I don't know. Physicist: Mass over volume. I'll see myself out.

I went on an "Authentic World War One Tour" the other day

Three quarters of our party died, we didn't go anywhere and it rained the whole time. 10/10

A tourist group

A tourist group is lead over a mountain path. One of the tourists gets extremely nervous and says to their native guide: "You really could have put a handrail on the side" The guide answers: "There was a handrail, but it became too expensive, the tourists always took it down with them when they fell"

I asked the owner of a b**... parlor if I can have a tour of the place...

...He said he was t**... at the moment. He had to show the new girl the ropes.

Western tourist in North Korea

So a western journalist goes on a tour of North Korea. He flies in to Pyongyang, an officially government licensed tour guide shows him around. He sees all the wonderful stores and streets that the city has to offer, and then finally he comes to the magnificent 30-story tall Kim Jong Un monument. "Wow this is very beautiful, you must be very proud of it!" he said his tour guide nodded— "yes, we must be very proud."

A tourist is travelling down the Rhine

He books himself into an old castle that has been converted into a hotel. Once he enters, he has the creepiest feeling come over him. He asked the lady a reception if they have ghosts in the hotel. She laughs and says, " I have been here for 300 years and never seen one"

Took my GF and her friends on a tour on Africa. They hated every country we visited, except for one.

Turns out girls only like Chad.

Don't ask me!

A tourist visiting Seattle is sick of rain and asks a boy - Does it ever stop raining here? Boy - How do I know? I am only eight.

Haunted castle

A young American tourist went on a guided tour of a creepy old castle in England. "How did you enjoy it?" The guide asked when it was over. "It was great," the tourist replied, "but I was afraid I was going to see a ghost in some of those dark passageways." "No need to worry," said the guide "I've never seen a ghost in all the time I've been here." "How long is that?" the tourist asked. "Oh, about 300 years."

Ancient Rome conquered many lands. The leader of the time decided to tour...

He made it to England where he encountered a type of weather he had never seen before. As the frozen rain fell he asked "what is this?!" The commander replied "Hail, Cesar". Cesar replied "Hail! Now, what is this weather?" ... ... "It's horrible." "Agree."

I'm a tour guide at a museum, and when I told a group that the fossil they were looking at was 65 million years and 3 weeks old, they asked me where the 3 weeks came from.

I said well it was 65 millions years old when I was hired here, and that was 3 weeks ago.

A tourist in London was throwing bread to some ducks in a pond...

when a local woman approached him looking rather upset. She asked him how he could throw bread in the water for ducks when there were starving children in Africa? Wasn't it obvious that they could use that bread more than the ducks? The man stood there for a short moment and responded to the woman saying, "I'm sorry ma'am, but I can't throw that far."

A group of people are touring an old, 16th-century castle one day.

The tour guide seems to be doing a great job, explaining things in detail, when one of the tourists asks a question. "I heard from a friend that this castle was haunted! Is that true?" The tour guide, without hesitation, says "Oh no, I've been here for 300 years and I've never seen any paranormal activity."

There is no ghost

While visiting a spooky historic house, a lady confided in the guide that she was terrified of ghosts and dreaded meeting one on the tour. To reassure her, the guide told her that in all the years he had worked at the house, he had never seen a single ghost. And how long have you worked here? asked the woman. Three hundred years.

40 blondes decided to tour London in a double Decker bus

The ones up on the top were terrified while the ones on the bottom were singing and partying. Finally the tour guide went up to the top to ask why they weren't happy like the others. One of the blondes said, "that's easy for you to say, you have a driver!"

Vermont farmer

A texas cattle rancher came to visit a Vermont dairy farm. He gets a tour of the 10 acre farm, and says to the Vermont farmer "This farm aint nothin, my ranch back in texas is so big, it would take us 3 days just to drive my truck around the whole property". The Vermont farmer responds "yup I had a truck like that once"

Dope, or no dope, Lance Armstrong was still a great athlete.

Winning the tour is no easy feat. Even with the drugs, he worked his ball off to go to where he is today!

Two tourists get lost in a pyramid

As they are wandering about, a man in a suit approaches them. "Are you lost, gentlemen?" he says. "Would you like to buy a map? Perhaps you can buy more of them so you can sell it to other people." "Don't trust him," says one tourist to the other, "it's a pyramid scheme."

A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Native American.

"What is it made of?" she asked."Alligator's teeth," the man replied."I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us.""Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."

A couple of tourists are taking a tour of Moscow.

As they are walking, the husband feels a drop of water fall on his face. He turns to his wife and says I think it's raining. No, it is definitely snowing. Replies his wife. They started to argue, and the husband says let's not bicker, let's ask our tour guide Rudolph whether it is officially snowing or raining. They walked up to their tour guide, and ask Comrade Rudolph, would you kindly tell us if it is snowing or raining? It is raining of course! He replies. The husband turns to the wife and says See? Rudolph the red knows rain, dear!

Coronavirus really changed my Tour of Italy...

... the waitress at Olive Garden had to bring it out to my car.

An American goes to Australia

And is attending a talk by Bush rangers while taking a wild tour about how it is very dangerous and you should always be on your watch. After the bit about how kangaroos are dangerous, he asks "Is there anywhere in Australia where something or someone isn't trying to kill you?" "School"

A tourist asked me for some local attractions.

So I told him that my next door neighbours are rather s**....

[old indian joke] while on a tour of Tajmahal, the guide was explaining how Shahjahan built this tomb for his wife due to grief.

My wife asked : would you build me one like this ? I replied " I already bought vacant land, now it's your turn" .

A inspector visits a sanatoriun to check its conditions.

During the tour the director takes him to one of their newly designed test rooms, claiming its foolproof. "We fill up this bathtub to the brim see? Then we hand to the inmate a spoon and a cup and ask him to empty the tub" Says the director The inspector nods and replies with a smile "Ah, i see. And the inmate, if sane will choose the cup because it's the biggest." The director then looks at the inspector and raises a brow "No, the sane one will just open the drain"